I really liked this, actually. I think the idea is very original and interesting. However, I do think you could do a few things to capture the reader's attention. Although I like the idea of a basically full dialogue story, there needs to be a few more instances of non-dialogue. Perhaps a nurse walks in and does something. Just simple things like that bring the readers more into the story, because they get more of an environment. Also, you should include maybe another instance of the disease-induced proverbs. This gives the reader more of a structured story and gives them another 'ah-hah!' moment. If you're trying to make it seem like he really is giving proverbs, I'd add in an instance that's very serious to augment the severity of his ramblings. Overall though, I thought the writing style was very distinct and well-written. The structure was good, though I feel that a few more things added would fortify it's foundations. Keep it up though; I'd love to read your other stuff!
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