I'll admit I'm not really in to poetry but this is one of the better pieces that I have read on here. It's brief but concise, and creates three visuals that work well together in an overall message. Also, you've got a rhyming scheme that flows well and it doesn't read like you had to 'force' any words.
I would actually delete the last two quotes though. I feel like it stands well on its own, but if you're relating it to source material I think the first one is enough.
This actually has some promise as a premise but I think you could improve it in a few ways. I may be off track here, but I feel like maybe you felt inspired to write this (as you say at the bottom), but you were in a hurry to get it out before you 'lost it'?
Anyway:
To start with, you should stretch this out. You've really got a lot of events and progression crammed in to very little narrative. You're describing relationship developments, milestones, etc. that could easily and appropriately be stretched over more interaction and, importantly, more dialogue.
Experiment with it a bit, like this: Take the part where James meets this girl, and separately the part where he creates his 'snow art' and reveals it to her (as in, his ritual of doing it). Separately, write those two parts as much longer narratives and see what you can do with character development. If you like how that reads you can figure out how to do it with the rest of the story and it will be much more organic. Right now you have narrative and decent visuals, but the character development is rushed. We're going from strangers in an empty suburban park to professing feelings of love in less than twelve hours.
Anyway, do that and see what you come up with. Remember that you can use that 'first night' to set up a premise, narrate over some skipped time, and then resume for the rest of your material. There's several ways to do it if you want to keep it 'short'. you could also get rid of the first part before he takes a walk and simply provide inner thought that explains his situation, leaving some of it to the reader; this will pull the reader in, but also leave room for the 'meat' of the story which to me is building this relationship.
Aside from that, look for ways to break up your paragraphs. Some of them run a little long and that contributes to the rushed development.
Good luck! I'd be interested in reading any edits you make.
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