The dates don't line up precisely. This beautiful, little narrative begins on Valentines Day, but we're currently in mid-December. Still, this is just the kind of warm, fuzzy story that a good many of us love to read at this time of year. It's simple, sweet, and it ends with a smile on this reader's face.
On the technical side, the grammar, structure, and tone seems very nearly perfect.
My one comment is about paragraph ten. The line, "- a phrase stolen years later by an actual U.S. president -" appears to be included as part of the dialogue, but I read it as a meta-thought by the author. Perhaps, the dialogue could be interrupted, just before the meta-tnought and resumed just after it. That's merely my humble perception of that paragraph.
Any way I read it, this story reads as an almost perfect tale of deep friendship --- grown into sisterhood.
I have but one criticism. I don't consider peoples indigenous to this land "Native American", since they lived here for centuries before invaders arrived from Europe. Perhaps, "Indigenes?"
I've written only one haiku in my life and I'm not very familiar with the form, so I don't feel qualified to comment on that aspect of this poem. Still, I can see that this is a pastoral poem with the proper number of lines.
I love the subject theme and the tone of this poem.
The mood is wonderfully introspective, but I can't quite decide whether it's melancholy or optimistic or stoic. I believe it's the cyclic aspect of this poem that I like most about it. It's like an eternal, revolving statement of reality: "It's cold then hot then cold. Life draws in, then life comes forth, then life draws in." Continuity is generally seen as optimistic --- unless one is trapped in an eternal groundhog day.
I see this poem's continuity as an ongoing and realistic optimism. The cycle "is", and it's good that "is." That's optimistic reality. Therein is the meaningfully deep simplicity of haiku that makes it the beautiful poetic form it is.
This poet has elevated the already sublime art of haiku.
Very excellent! Thank you.
Readers looking for a 'thrill-a-line' action adventure might be a little disappointed. Those looking for an amusing little story with a dash of humour will be gratified.
This story is written in easy-to-understand, everyday language which relates the action very clearly. This reviewer feels as though he was sitting on a log-end and watching the scene unfold. The pace is likely a little slow for some readers' taste, but it's perfectly suited to this story. After a little background, the story develops in a laid back, relaxed tone that any camper or former camper will recognize.
It's a simple tale of some campers working to remedy an oversight and discourage bears from entering their campsite in search of food. As the reader can do doubt imagine, surprising a foraging bear in one's campsite can be a dangerous incident.
Technically, there is almost perfection in this tale. As mentioned, the story is clear and it follows a natural progression, but it ends with a twist.
There's a gentle humour and relaxed tone to the story which many readers will find pleasant. Possibly the nicest aspect of Smokey's Lesson is the fact that it makes no moral judgements, no political comments, and doesn't teach or preach. All in all, it's just a nice little tale.
There are a very few places at which I feel a comma might improve readability a little. In the eighth paragraph, the sentence which begins, "He discovered this night the kitchen crew had forgotten..." feels slightly awkward. It might be simply to this reviewer's manner of reading, or perhaps the phrase "this night" could be set off with commas.
This is an amusing and well-told tale with just the right dudting of humour. It's definitely worth the read!
This tale is amazingly original and unique! It has just the type of humour und uniqueness I prize highly in tales I read. I've only read it through once, in Mr. Schwarzenegger's voice, but I intend to re-read it later in my own voice --- whatever vouce that is.
In a few places, Hanzel seems to 'forget his nationality'. This is not meant as a criticism at all, but I wonder if the occasional use of "and" instead of the more Germanic "und" was an oversight.
This is a brilliant tale and very excellently written!
I love the message of this poem and the way the rhyme pattern seems to accent each point. There are some very well wrought rhymes here: "soul/control" and "ways/ablaze" in the first verse are good examples. In fact, all the rhymes are good.
My one criticism is comparatively minor. The author seems to have forced the meter a little in places. "Each of our cultures..." in the first line of the tenth verse is one instance.
I searched for two hours to find a truly meaningful poem with structure by someone I've not reviewed before. That's what I want to review.
This poem holds very deep meaning for me. As a non-veteran, I have a deep respect for those who have served in ways I never did. How could anyone lack simple respect for any man or woman who stood, sometimes literally, between us and destruction?
The shifting meter of this poem emphasizes the shifting of fortunes in war --- and in peace. From a distance of 1000+ miles, I am aware of U.S. veterans living in boxes in alleys literally blocks from our national capital and from the White House. Why are those who claim to represent us all; those who work and dwell in the halls of congress and in the White House *not* aware of these honourable but homeless servants of freedom?
This poem is told from the first person point of view, yet I see inconsistencies between the "person" of the poem and the "person" of the author. I'm a little puzzled, but my puzzlement does nothing to diminish my appreciation of this work. It is the meaningful and well written poem I was seeking to review.
I've been looking for a poem or short story that will take my breath away. This one looks like it will do just that! So, go on. Go on. Leave me breathless!!
The subject theme here is an excellent choice, especially for a comedic poem! Cartoonist Gary Larson has pointed out the fact that cows are inherently funny. The phrasing in this poem does full justice to this comic aspect of cows, without degrading them or belittling them.
While these lyrics don't seem to *perfectly* follow the Eagles' excellent music, this parody *is* very nicely written. The author's love of both cows and The Eagles is evident throughout.
I was first introduced to cows by my ma via a sippee cup, and later quickly came to love Larson's cow adventures. So, it's little wonder that I love this lyrics poem.
The phrasing in this work is very clever! Phrases like "...almost swallowed my cud...", "...then, she flared up her nostrils...", and "So, I lowed for the milkman..." all make me think this author knows about cows. To me, that's impressive! Most folk don't know much about cows, because not many of us spend a lot of time around them. This author obviously knows a bit about cows and understands that they're intelligent animals. I've been in vehicles with people who drove past pastures full of cows and yelled "Moocows! Moocows! Moooomooo cows!!" I've seen the looks the cows give them, too. Cows are intelligent. People yelling "moo" at them are not. I've never driven past a pasture and heard cows yelling, "Text me!! Text me!! Teeeexxxt meee something viral!!"
Very amusing writing here!! Well worth reading!!
This is amazing poetry in the truest sense of the word!
I can never remember of the top of my head the name of this meter (uus). Anapest, maybe? I do recall that it's a difficult meter to master! You've made marvelous use of it and given this poem excellent structure!
Poems are not about the structure though. Structure supports the skin and "beauty is only skin deep" as it's said. In this case, the skin shines with thought and glows with passion. All that, over the solid structure, makes for a poem that lives and breathes and thinks and feels --- like the flesh of a person is beautiful as it's supported by the skeleton! I, for one, am extremely impressed!
This article is an impressive blend of sadness, hope, and rejoicing! It is sad to know that Mr. Rogers has moved out of his earthly neighborhood, but I rejoice at thoughts of him in his new, heavenly neighborhood.
I could not begin to comment on all the excellent points the author makes in this superb article. I must disagree with the author on the matter of "about 15, and a bit too old to watch the show on my own." I'm pretty sure I was at leastin my 20s when I first watched Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. I do remember that I was alone at the time. No one set me down to watch. I was simply drawn to this man's calm assuredness and quieting manner. It's possible that I watched repeats of the show, but watch it I did, and loved it for most of the same reasons this author mentions. There were important lessons there, but they weren't being drilled into me by rote. Fred Rogers was not a demanding teacher. Rather, he was a friend who shared his thoughts with us and encouraged us to think for ourselves. He always encouraged us to be ourselves and to be kind and to accept othes for who they are. "Encouraged" is an excellent word to describe what Mr. Rogers did. He gave us courage to strive for the best human qualities we hold within ourselves, and as the author points out, those qualities don't necessarily involve working and earning money or prestige. They involve kindness and love of family and friends.
I realize that my review is more a review of Fred Rogers than a review of this article. That's because the author has written with such passion about a man who lived to share such love and kindness, that this article disappears behind the man whom the author lauds with amazing skill.
This is a deeply meaningful article, well written and honest. Who could say more?
This is mightily impressive writing! I see no serious technical errors at all. The spiraling logic is dizzying, but it holds together beautifully. I don't read a lot of SF, but this story seems pretty original.In a unique way, it's a bit like Jonathon Livingston Seagul Goes Into Space.
Ghost stories are generally more to my wife's taste than to mine. I stumbled upon this one while reading in a new genre, and I'm very glad I did. It is well-written, and I'm a bit picky about the quality of writing I'll read.
The intensity begins early on in this story. Then the events drew me in as they built, in a slow crescendo, to a marvelous climax!
This excellent short story leaves me quite impressed! So I'm certain that those who enjoy this genre will love it!
Very excellent humour!! Or is this a true story? These days, it's a little hard to tell.
Should Juror 7 have said, "But Your Honor, this is my third card this morning!"
This is pretty good writing, and the humour is spot-on!! Excellent!
It would be difficult for me to review the structure and the content of this poem individually and be able to do it justice.
It's undeniable that the events this poem refers to are a terrible tragedy. The poet's use of ABCB rhyme keeps the poem rock solid, but the shifting meter very effectively demonstrates the almost unbelievable horrors that unfolded on one world-changing day.
This poem has changed my whole way of thinking. I can no longer think of that day as an event or even as a series of events. Instead, I now see it as a spiral of changes and losses and pain and guilt and a plethora of other mental and emotional struggles that will continue to wind through the present and the future for centuries or possibly forever.
The final three verses are the most poignant. Those twelve lines throw away the newspaper headlines. This was a tragedy for the nation and a shock to the world, but it *is and always shall be* an ongoing personal loss in the heart of the author.
The poem ends with both an expression of loneliness and an affirmation of personal faith. That's the most powerful part of the poem, and I think it's likely the most powerful part of the poet.
This poem astounds me with the amount of passion it packs into a few lines! Nothing was ever accomplished in this world without passion, and this poem accomplishes quite a bit! Physical passion is certainly evident here, as is romantic fervour. There is also an obvious passion for writing. This I know because the poem is well-crafted with carefully chosen words, which evoke powerful images and stir strong emotions. These words are deeply personal to the author as in the lines "I've never known a sweeter touch," and "my lover's lips and mine." Yet, the poet universalizes the passion, as in the line "...my lover freezes time..." Who has ever loved in a deeply romantic way and not experienced the timelessness of such a moment shared with one's lover? Still, the intimacy so candidly expressed, paints in my mind similar moments in the love I share with my wife, drawing us both into this universally personal moment. This poem makes each a part of all, and thereby all a part of each. Amazing!
This is a nice free verse poem, with a calmness which hides the confusion of love rejected. The shifting metaphors convey this sense of confusion very effectively. We tend to think of love as constant and ongoing, which leaves us wondering what has happened to chill the feelings. Nice sense of rhythm and pace.
I'd ne'er read a three-verse Limmerick, but that's one of my favourite aspects of WdC --- discovering new things!
'Tis a fine bit o' rhymin' here, as I daresay would suit the pickiest o' Irishmen!
Thank you for an excellent read! Not a criticism here.
This is the second or third poem by this amazing poet that I've read so far. I'm looking forward with great anticipation to reading more.
I suppose this poem might have a melancholy tone to some readers, but I've never seen sadness in being aware of things which are, knowing that one day they will be no more, and understanding how precious they are.
The Irish in my Scottish/Irish heritage makes me particularly partial to Limmericks. I know a good one when I hear one, and in this case, when I read one. This is a good one. Great lilt and rhyme! Plus, it tells a wonderfully Irish tale! This is a lovely, little poem!
I always love reading stories with a little twist, especially ones with a rhyme. This poem doesn't disappoint. The twist is there, and the rhyme is excellent. I'm a big fan of hard meter, but this poem works great without it. We who write very rigid meter oft get so intent on that one aspect that the theme and other aspects get blurry, but this poem tells its tale and tells it well.
If your question were, "Is this an impressive poem?" my answer would be, "Most definitely."
My first suggestion regards the intro rather than the work itself. I think you should delete the word 'feeble'. This is certainly not a feeble attempt. Your valentine should be proud and pleased to receive such an affectionate and well-constructed poem. There's a term that refers to the act of offering an apology before saying or doing something in expectance of failure or of insulting someone. I wish I could think of that term. This poem is far from "feeble."
The questions beginning, "Am I..." create a strong theme. The theme is 'doubt' and it holds this work together with a pleasant continuity and cohesiveness.
The metaphors "cream in your coffee" and "honey in your tea" sometimes sound cliche, but this poem is so honestly written that I find the two phrases perfectly suited here.
The imagery alternates between concrete in phrases like "Admiring your jawline" and "My mouth hung open" and metaphysical in lines like "Love doesn't lie" and "...the one in my heart." This alternation blends the dreamlike quality of 'a' love with the solid reality of 'this' love. It keeps the poem consistent and interesting.
This is an overall excellent work and needs no apology at all.
This is very good writing but much more than that, it is very insightful and conveys a powerfully emotional message about timeless love, hate, longing, and other feelings. I read this with my eyes and I understand it with my mind, but I feel it in my soul. You have made emotions as nearly tangible as I believe they can get.
You remember someone who seems to have forgotten you, and I will remember you and the depth of your words.
These lines would make very inspiring song lyrics. There is a great deal of honest truth here! I heartily recommend registering this poem with the Library of Congress Copyright Office as lyrics and try to find a reputable songwriter to add music, and a good band to record the song. Aside from the worldly possibility of the song selling, there is the inspirational aspect to consider. Music and songs can touch us in ways that nothing else can, and inspire in us faith, love, and hope.
Forget that this is an incredibly well-written article, though indeed it is. It's more than that. Much more!
Too often we see only the negatives of something OR we see only the positives. With this excellent article, this insightful author reminds us that very few of our multitude of experiences are so unidimensional.
The style and tone of this article are well suited to its content, and the content itself is (or should be) of interest to a wide audience. The content shows a splendid blend of thought and feeling. Its every point is wonderfully valid. My only criticism is the use of microtext. Honestly, it's not too bad on my computer, but here on my cellphone it's a little bit of a strain on the eyes.
This is such a great read that I hate to disappoint the author with my confession.
I leave my cellphone in an inconspicuous place in our vehicle before entering a store, restaurant, or other occupied place. Alternately at times, I turn it off before carrying it in with me. It's very unlikely that the author will ever overhear me saying the pleasant words, so I'll type them on my cellphone now ---
I love you. Bye.
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