Beautiful poem, thank you for sharing. I like the idea of writing to someone younger. The rhyme was perfect, the flow is good. My only suggestion would be to possibly replace the word "worry" with a synonym once or twice as it gets a little repetitive. Of course you may have done this intentionally. Again thanks for sharing, a fine read.
A very sweet poem, it describes the relationship you have with your daughter well. The flow is nice, I love the choice of words especially the last line "Julie lit up my world." I think it ties the piece together perfectly. The second and third verses give the poem a liveliness that I also appreciated. Thanks for sharing.
I really, truly enjoyed this piece. It is a little narcissistic to say, but it reminds me of my own writing and that's most likely the reason I thing it's so fantastic.
It flows very nicely and it's extremely poetic. Although it doesn't once fail to provide a lot of imagery and never falters from the dreary tone that defines the scene taking place in your writing.
I especially enjoyed your transition from poetic-ness to dialogue. It was like an analogy of fake to reality, which was discussed in your writing again.
The only improvements I could suggest would be to add in more metaphors and similes. Where these were it was apparent that your writing and message was at it's strongest point.
I especially liked how, as the intensity progressed your writing did also. This "prose" was especially long, but it kept a reader interested in every detail just by minor changes in line size and structure.
Also the random un-absolute rhyme scheme helped it flow and remain poetic, but didn't stop your writing from being taken seriously. It's a lot harder to do that than it sounds.
Some lines I thought were especially strong,
"And remember they're hungry."
"The figure underneath is gray from cold and exposure,
Not even the blood on his back is red anymore."
You have a unique way of writing that I enjoyed very much, I hope to read and review more of your work. Thanks for sharing.
I don't care about writing or grammar because I love you're writing. I gave it a perfect score cause it's beat and I haven't been able to find beat ANYWHERE on this website, I'll search for something free and apealing and find myself reading my own writing and then suddenly realize... Anyways I liked this a lot you really have a nice state of mind, kind of like mine and your writing is interesting... keep it coming
Well I'll start with it reminds me of myself.
Not exactly of my writing or anything like that.
Just reminds me of lying down dreaming.
And so many images of so many dreaming nights enter my mind.
This poem really put that in there.
Next, the poem all flowed. Everywhere in every way.
You couldn't stop reading anywhere.
And couldn't randomly start somewhere.
I don't know, it just didn't work that way.
Personally, I liked it a lot.
If your looking for someone to give punctuation pointers, I think the periods and commas did fine, honestly.
I read it fine.
Maybe that's just me though.
My favorite line-
"Free of all her earthly ties."
Something in me really felt that line.
I could relate and I'm sure a lot of people could actually.
I think this review has gone on long enough.
Well done.
It's really an awesome work of art. I can relate in too many ways. When it comes down to it I really like the way that you didn't capitalize or divide it into paragraphs. It shows that you just want to write and you really don't care about anything else. I've tried other things besides writing and got much hooked into music. I mostly do both now, they seemed to fit together perfectly and sort of narrate each other. I love how that worked out. The chameleons will one day rule the world, so don't worry about that. I find many people confused that I can sit down for half an hour just to think. This writing actually showed me a lot of art and poetry in you. Creativity. Write on...
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