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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hjpspm
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15 Public Reviews Given
49 Total Reviews Given
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Review of Black Spider  Open in new Window.
Review by HJ-Clarinet Girl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
~~~This review is brought to you by Chatterbox Review Central Group.~~~



PLOT -
Creepy spiders and the complex strategies to kill 'em off. A phobia I can definitely relate to and personally struggled with myself. Funny stuff. *Laugh*


SETTING -
Setting was really good. I could picture a cozy living room and the black spot intruding on a sanctuary of family life. How dare that spider mar a perfectly fine evening at home?


CHARACTERS -
Totally believable, since I've been there numerous times. The kids are hilarious.


GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
Didn't see anything...


MY POV -
I loved it. Mom was perfect and quite funny. I've had to deal with big black ones in the bathtub. Living in the desert doesn't help.

HJ

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Review of Romance  Open in new Window.
Review by HJ-Clarinet Girl Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
***This review is being given as a part of the Chapter Recappers Group. This review is given from my point of view in the spirit of honesty and the desire to help you as an aspiring author grow and improve in your craft. Please receive my evaluation of your work and these suggestions in the spirit in which they are given and feel free to “throw away” anything that doesn’t work for you. Have a great day and happy writing!***

Summarize the Chapter or Short Story~A man muses about what he finds attractive about his love.


Plot:This piece is more of an observation and comptemplation of the man's feelings. How a man could feel right away when he knows he's found his perfect match. I guess that is the plot. You made me work at it, *Smile*but it came across when I thought about it.

Description: Since this such a short piece, setting is irrevelant because it is mostly about the characters. I pictured a man sitting on the sofa watching his date prepare for dinner. Your wise choice of simple words (sofa, mirror, foyer, table) painted a picture without shadowing the characters. Good job.

Characters This was pretty good. I think there was a lot of innuendo, which made this piece a little difficult to read. I wasn't sure what you wanted to convey at some times. ie: "He didnt want to ripple the aura by seeming too eager..." After reading it two or three times, I knew what you meant, but perhaps more specific wording would help. The man goes through a gauntlet of emotions, that's obvious, but the only place where he shows it, instead of tells, is the last sentence when he holds her hand under the table.

Dialogue/Grammar: Except for a few passive sentences that could probably be re-worked with active verbs, I thought this was good. Nothing about the structure of the piece threw me off. Good job, here.

From my point of view~~ I would definitely continue reading if this was a longer piece. I'd like to know how the woman felt in her point of view. Overall, I think your idea was wonderful. I just think a little more showing instead of telling would really make it shine.

HJ

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