What I liked: The reincarnation in the form of a cat is a great storyline.
I have a couple suggestions.
1. I don't think the Thirty years ago part is necessary. There wasn't anything written here that I didn't already gather by the story, except that their son didn't know his father was the one who killed his mother. If you want to elaborate the how and why he killed her, then weave that into the story from either her or his point of view.
2. You tell more than show. Example, "...being crushed; the pain was excruciating." That's telling me. Show me excruciating. Try something like, "All his breath left him at once as she wrung his heart out like an old sponge."
This one brought tears to my eyes.
My husband is a Corpsman. Thank goodness he doesn't suffer as others do.
So many of our troops returning from combat, whether medics or soldiers, suffer in silence with the images that will never leave their minds.
Thank you, thank you for writing this beautiful piece. Five stars and favorited.
God bless.
I found this to be a really cute story of young love blossoming. You nailed it with the fear and uncertainty of it all, combined with the desire to overcome that fear and just go for it. I especially like the end, where it says "Let's go." I envisioned young lovers overcoming their fear of falling in love with each other and then linking hands and running off into the sunset.
Nicely done!
I could really feel your emotion in here, especially at the part where you describe the struggle of constantly thinking of ropes, blades, and other ways to end it.
I like how you end it with "Sincerely, The Truth." I see that as the admitting of a problem with depression/suicidal thoughts. The narrator of this poem is the truth, addressing the monster in their mind.
Nicely done.
Very nice!
I could see this being made into a song for a service worship time or Vacation Bible School.
The only thing I spotted is that "saved" should be "save."
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