Although I am not real familiar with the fantasy genre, it does have its occasional appeal. I must say this poem does appeal to me.
Its just incredibly well written with a genuine softness to it thats inviting even for those of us that may not typically be inclined to review the fantasy genre.
Not only that but your ending actually makes me think that I too, wouldnt mind finding such a portal. Where before I had read your poem, I was not thinking such things.
The flow, the pace, and even the word choice make this all a very spectacular piece in my mind. Nice job! Try some more of these kinds...you're good at them. Keep writing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
I certainly like the style you chose here, a 'lil something different is always nice.
I think the first two lines are good lines, well written although I believe they are not powerful enough of a beginning for such a lovely poem. The use of words that flow more into one another would really help here. The first two lines seem out of place in the first stanza to me. Perhaps try something with more impact to really draw the reader in. What brings to mind more powerful images than a pencil and its shadow but could still convey the same message?
After that, the rest of the poem fits very nicely together. The words appear to flow naturally together and the somber mood I believe you are intending to create, is created for me. Nice work. Nice piece. Well done! Keep Writing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
I feel the anger in this poem from your word selection. Making a reader feel something is an important quality. I definately feel this throughout the poem. Nice work there.
I like the flow of the poem...it seems to gradually pick up pace until the hardshot ending. Nice work with build up.
This portion of the poem I believe could be written more elequently to follow with the essence of the rest of your poem:
I’m no longer prepared to take
Even for your own beloved sake
Because even if you don’t love me
It’s plain that everyone can see
I suggest rearranging words to make a more clear and sharp sentence with power. Make these lines speak as powerfully as the rest of your poem. Perhaps even omitting words here and there. Nice job overall. And keep writing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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