It is a great honor to have such a talented writer comment favorably on my story. Thank you. I shall return to continue my perusal, but for now, Your article was, well, pefect!
Harry
There were several items which prevented me from thoroughly enjoying the story. First, I kept stumbling over the name Zak. My reader's eye failed to find a way to pronounce the word. Zack, to me, would have been better. The second item, certainly not your fault, was the font. I am typing this in Times New Roman, a font I find very easy on the eyes. It would have been a tremendous help in guiding the reader through the narrative. But, as I said, this review will appear in the same format, so nothing could have been done to change that.
If you read your story again, I believe you will find the use of many adjectives to be forced instead of natural. I could almost see a thesaurus by your side. Changing some of those (if not all) would move the level of the story up to 5.
In my latest book, The OOBE File, I used graphics at the beginning and end of chapters to denote a shift from the physical world to the astral level. You couldn't do that because of the restrictions here, but you should be able to illustrate the transitions using a method other than just a wiggly and a few spaces.
I look forward to your next story.
highstreet
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