I like how straightforward this is, and the short lines give it a good pace.
Also the sense of denial, and sort of trying to talk yourself out of your own feelings comes through really strong.
My only criticism is in the sixth line the word "rather" doesn't sound quite right. A little clunky and I'm not sure it's grammatically correct.
Very good over all.
Wow. Awesome story. Didn't see the twist coming until Alex showed. You do a really good job of making the whole idea seem crazy to her which makes the irony of the ending even more effective. I was interested in the dad and their relationship, by any chance is this going to be part of a larger piece? I loved your tone, sort of wry I would call it. Think it could work for these characters in a broader story. Although it works fine the way it is.
I read back through looking for something to criticize. Sorry, couldn't find anything except wanting more of these intriguing characters and their off kilter outlook.
Good stuff. Straight to the action, character revealed by the action.
Is this the beginning or middle of a larger story or just a short warning about the dangers of greed?
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 9:26am on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
