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Review of Fluid Freedom  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
For SP & RISING STARS Reviews.


Hello Noelle! After reading your poem "Fluid FreedomOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact: This was a cleverly written piece! The break from iambic meter in the second stanza worked beautifully with the emotional journey of the poem. In the first stanza, a woman is gazing out and observing the movement of the sea. The free verse of the second stanza mirrors the moment the woman's mind wanders internally, contemplating life. As the wave breaks on the quay in the last stanza, the iambic meter returns along with the woman's return from her reverie. Brilliant manipulation of form to garner the highest possible emotional impact!


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form:

*Thumbsup* The iambic pentameter in stanzas one and three was perfect in syllabic count and meter.

*Thumbsup* I loved this line: A hint of sea upon the breeze will lift


*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling: The sparse punctuation was inserted only where needed to guide the reader across intentional breaks. No errors *Cool*


*Star* Lasting Impressions: I really enjoyed this poem! Thanks for sharing *Smile*



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..



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Review of Lonesome  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
For SP & RISING STARS Reviews.


Hello Noelle! After reading your poem "LonesomeOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact: The tone of each stanza is strikingly different. The first creates a mood of joyous family moments when everyone is together. The volta at line seven turns the mood, and the emotional impact of the poem increases as you realize the narrator's sorrow and loneliness. Great job using the image to inspire these feelings, which you portray with mastery in the poem.


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form:

*Thumbsup* Great job with the syllabic meter of this piece: each of the fourteen lines has exactly ten syllables.

*Thumbsup* Following traditional sonnet form, you captured two distinct feelings, exploring one in the first stanza then taking a turn in a new emotional direction for the second.

*Thumbsup* I love the imagery you use in this piece! By taking specific elements from the photo prompt, (rain, empty patio, lone table sans chairs, garden wall, etc.), you wove details into the poem that drove the emotional impact. Excellent!

*Check2* Double check the spelling of "Lannet" in the title description *Smile*

*Check2* I suggest hitting 'enter' three or four times after the last line, so that there is a nice space between the end of the poem and the copyright information.


*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling: I noticed no errors *Cool*


*Star* Lasting Impressions: I'm enjoying reading your work today! Your talent inspires me!!


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..


Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing



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Review of The Rise  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
For SP & RISING STARS Reviews.


Hello Noelle! After reading your poem "The RiseOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact:

*Thumbsup* The narrator's courage and resolve is evident in this poem. In a short space, I felt I knew her; felt myself rooting for her. I thought you looked at the photo prompt with clever eyes to see this woman's story.


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form:

*Thumbsup* Each couplet ends in a true rhyme. I was especially impressed with renewed/brood.

*Thumbsup* Your iambic tetrameter is spot on. Bravo!

*Thumbsup* My favorite couplet was this one:
What path awaits ahead for me?
These yearning eyes I shield to see


*Check2* The last couplet ends in "devise." According to http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/devise?qsrc..., the noun form of this word refers to the act of disposing of property, esp. real property, by will; a will or clause in a will disposing of property, esp. real property; or the property so disposed of. The verb form of "devise" seems more appropriate in the context of the couplet. I wonder if revising the line so that "devise" becomes a verb would strengthen it? Perhaps something like:

Above the house of pain I rise,
Begin anew; plan I devise
-- Just a suggestion *Smile*

*Check2* You haven't rated this piece yet *Smile*


*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling: I saw no errors! I like that you insert only the very necessary punctuation marks.


*Star* Lasting Impressions: Thanks for sharing this wonderful work with us!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..


Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing



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Review of My Wish  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
For SP & RISING STARS Reviews.


Hello Noelle! After reading your poem "My WishOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact:

*Thumbsup* I love the direction your muse took you when looking for inspiration from the photo that appears above your poem. The plant pot full of dry plants and weeds is metaphoric of the themes in your piece of neglect, faded glory, ruined beauty, and the hurt that comes to those around the person who lets himself fall into this state of disrepair. Very thought-provoking!


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form:

*Thumbsup* Great job with the Lilibonelle form. Each time a line from the first stanza repeats in its subsequent verse, its message is expounded in greater depth.

*Thumbsup* This poem had excellent rhythmic flow and the iambic pentameter was flawless. Nice use, too, of alliteration. I especially enjoyed the last line: To sprout with me in spirit as before

*Thumbsup* The tone you developed with your word choices mirrored the narrator's frustration and dismay at the object of her disappointment. I think the first line (Dismayed by you, O dismal sight I see) sets a tone of aloofness, as if the narrator is holding the poem's subject at arm's length to try and avoid the pain she feels as a result of his decline.

*Check2* I wondered about the vocabulary choice in this line: Have left me here to watch in ill sixpence. -- The only definition I have been able to find for 'sixpence' is a British monetary unit. I wondered what was your intended interpretation of 'ill sixpence.'


*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling:

*Thumbsup* I thought the use of very limited punctuation was a great choice for this piece, and the rhythm flowed nicely with only a sprinkling of punctuation marks.


*Star* Lasting Impressions: Thanks so much for sharing this wonderful poem! Good luck in the contest!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go NoticedOpen in new Window..



Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing



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Review of Courage Road  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hello Noelle! After reading your poem "Courage RoadOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact:

*Thumbsup* The story told in this piece touched that part of my spirit that struggled, years ago, to overcome the emotional demons from my past and walk bravely down the road I chose. You captured the inner conflict of one in the midst of that struggle.

*Thumbsup* I loved the way you took clues from the photo prompt to wind this message of insecurity in the face of self-motivation -- of moving beyond the past to a better place -- around your imagery, like in this excerpt:

Winding beyond a wobbling bridge,
Climbing the campus on the ridge


*Thumbsup* The contest prompt is a photograph with sepia coloration, and the use of brown font was a perfect choice to carry the emotional tone from image to words.




*Note4* Effectiveness of Form:

*Thumbsup* Great job with the Nove Otto form. Your syllabic meter is spot-on with exactly eight syllables per line.

*Thumbsup* I was impressed with the strong and high impact vocabulary you chose, especially within the rhyme families you used for the chain rhyme scheme. All your rhymes were true rhymes.

*Thumbsup* This poem enjoys beautiful rhythm. Although there is no meter requirement (except syllabic) for the Nove Otto, there are moments in this poem of iambic (Before me sits a russet view) and trochaic meter (Treetops sway and young growth quaver) which contribute to its lovely rhythm.

*Thumbsup* Also adding to the pleasant sound of this piece is the use of alliteration sprinkled throughout.


*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling:

I noticed only one mistake:

Treetops sway and young growth quaver -- The verb "quaver" should agree with its noun "growth" and so needs an "s" at the end. I realize this correction would make "quavers" and "waver" untrue rhymes, so revising it is your decision *Smile*


*Star* Lasting Impressions: This was a true pleasure to read. Thanks so much for sharing it with us, and good luck in the contest!!



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Review of Forever  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hello! After reading your poem "ForeverOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact: This sweet poem reminded me of the swoon of new love, when the mind and heart can only circle around the wondrous emotions felt, almost too strong for words.


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form: I enjoyed the repeated line in this piece. You captured a nice rhythmic flow and the lines were fluid on my tongue as I read.


*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling: I noticed no errors *Smile*


*Star* Lasting Impressions: Thanks for sharing your talent with us!!



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Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hello Kare! After reading your poem "In your topaz dreamOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact: There is such joy in your words here. The poem is uplifting, celebratory, and emits its own light.


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form:

*Thumbsup* The imagery is wonderful, and speaks of light that shines like the sun and stars, of romantic vistas in Italy, and of dreams realized.

*Thumbsup* I enjoyed the moments of alliteration, particularly:

"clinging to cliffs of Capri" -- And --
"moonstones of marble"


*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling: I noticed no errors *Cool* The use of line-ending punctuation and appropriately chosen capitalization helped guide me across the lines, enjoying the pleasing rhythm.


*Star* Lasting Impressions: Thanks for sharing your talent with Simply Positive!



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Review of Weekend Getaway  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hi Dark Rose! In the spirit of writers helping each other hone their craft, I offer the following comments for "Weekend GetawayOpen in new Window..

[The comments following red check marks are based on my observations and opinions. Please use only what you find helpful and disregard the rest *Smile*.]


*Flower4* Initial Reaction: This short short has a nice slice-of-life vibe to it.


*Exclaim* What I liked: You did a great job filtering the emotions of Sadie through her thoughts, speech and actions. Nice job!


*Idea* Suggestions: This contest entry is a wonderful jumping off point for a longer story. It's introduction shows the weekend isn't off to the start Sadie imagined, and the broken heater could foreshadow interesting turns of events to come!


*Question* Grammar/Spelling Oops:

Sadie, however, didn't see that as much of a consolation as she sat on the couch wearing five different layers of mittens, sweaters, and sock... -- There are some extra words in this line you could trim away or change and tighten up the sentence. For example, "much of a" can be replaced by 'any': Sadie, however, didn't see that as any consolation... Also, 'different' layers is redundant because the plural indicates that the layers aren't the same.


*Star* Thanks for sharing your inspiration with us!




*Flower3* Nicki

Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing

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Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hi Bob! In the spirit of writers helping each other hone their craft, I offer the following comments for "Past the Pinion PointOpen in new Window..

[The comments following red check marks are based on my observations and opinions. Please use only what you find helpful and disregard the rest *Smile*.]


*Flower4* Initial Reaction: From the opening paragraph I knew this was five-star work. A fascinating and fantastic read.


*Exclaim* What I liked:

*Thumbsup* You took the first person narrative and ran with it. Every word comes to the reader directly from the perspective of Jackson. Through the filter of his character, his story unfolds and each moment offers opportunities for the reader to understand Jackson better.

*Thumbsup* The descriptive nature of your writing is wonderful. More than clever use of high impact modifiers and metaphor/simile, you structure your sentences in a way that creates layers of emotion that enrich the reading experience while bringing the scenes to life.

*Thumbsup* Excellent use of dialogue to bring authenticity to each character. The various accents come through in each voice, adding to the uniqueness of the different cast members' personalities. [One thing to look for in the dialogue lines: When someone addresses another in speech, the name is off-set by a comma. For example: “I don’t think so Jackson,” she said. -- there needs to be a comma after 'so'.]

*Thumbsup**Thumbsup**Thumbsup* This is a GREAT line! With a whisper of fabric and a scent that smelled as if her dress was sewn from a Parisian garden she should stood and left me for the kitchen. (just remove 'should' *Wink*)

*Thumbsup* I found the "Easter egg"! Are you a fan of "Lost"? I loved catching the reference to another of your stories while Jack scanned his wall of pictures. VERY cool!

*Thumbsup* The themes of anarchy, anger, and addiction were woven through the piece and worked well to explain where Jackson's demons thrived. The fact that he recognized he was walking down his father's road was poignant early on in building the character up for the reader.

*Thumbsup* One of the most appealing aspects of this story, for me, was the blending of reality and hallucination. Jackson's blackouts produced very real results, such as the lurid story he sent to Herman about Nancy. Other times, he was "awake" but conversing with people who were not really there. The dream sequence that began the climatic scene of this story so blurred the line that, like Jackson, I began to accept everything happening to him as 'real'. The final lines were deliciously cryptic and invited me to decide for myself what I thought really happened in those last hours in Jackson's apartment. I loved not being spoon-fed an ending -- you wrote this the way my most admired published authors do.


*Idea* Suggestions:

*Check2* Throughout the story there are paragraphs here and there that aren't indented. Look especially at single line paragraphs where indent tags are missing.

*Check2* This line is a little hard to read due to its length: I never threw anything I had written away, no matter what it was and of course I had never taken the time to organize, so there were stacks of papers in every corner that bled across the hardwood floor to the foot of the large desk that I had to have in the middle of the room. -- At least I would insert a comma at the end of the phrase 'no matter what it was', but I think breaking this into two, or even three, shorter sentence would smooth out the section.

*Check2* This may not seem like a big deal, and in fact, it may actually not be important. But, in the scene when Jack falls backwards in his office chair while trying to reach the light switch, he is described as spewing tomato soup-rich vomit. He stumbles into the bathroom to clean himself off, then leaves the office without righting the fallen chair. I kept waiting for him to be repulsed at some point, the next morning for instance, at the stinking vomit left uncleaned. There's never mention of the puke again. This little (possibly trivial *Bigsmile*) detail nagged at me. The story is so genuine and moment-to-moment in description that I think Jack should spend a second to roll up the discarded papers that carpet his office floor to get rid of the vomit.


*Question* Grammar/Spelling Oops:

“No thanks mister B. Just get out of here before one of our respectable tenants see you.” -- When you edit again, look for missing commas, like the one here that should be after 'thanks'; and here: “You didn’t really quit drinking did you Jack?” -- *Right* “You didn’t really quit drinking, did you, Jack?”

“Nancy, your really here, right?” --And-- “Oh yeah, from earlier. Glad to see your actually wearing more clothes now.” -- 'your' should be 'you're' (*Smile* I do this all the time, too *Bigsmile*)

Was this just my vanity, this is just more of the DTs rearing their ugly head. -- This sentence needs tightening up. One suggestion would be: Was this just my vanity, just more of the DTs rearing their ugly head?


*Star* In my humble opinion, this story is near publish-ready. Best of luck to you if you plan to look for a publisher! Thanks for sharing it with me *Smile*




*Flower3* Nicki

Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing

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Review of Dear God  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hello Wyn! After reading your poem "Dear GodOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact:

*Thumbsup* You did a great job capturing the desperation of one struggling in life, and the urgent, whispered prayer she offers to her higher maker. Those types of prayers often ask the kinds of questions posed here: Are you there? Are you listening? They reflect the idea that when life gets very difficult, our faith is tested. Even those who wouldn't articulate it that way, who are grounded in their faith, find themselves thinking, 'What's the deal? Is God there or not, and why isn't He helping me?'


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form:

*Thumbsup* The imagery in this poem is poignant. Light and dark are at play; a heart filled with pain, no end in sight; faith in vain.

*Thumbsup* The choice to begin this piece with "Dear God," so that the form of a prayer delivered the message, added strength to the work.


*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling:

*Check2* I liked that there was no capitalization at the beginning of each line. This suggested a flow of prayer-like thoughts in the narrator's mind more like silent prayers in bed at night than the formal prayers in a church service (if that makes sense *Bigsmile*). However, I would suggest capitalizing all pronouns that refer to God, since this is the appropriate way to write accepted by religious believers.


*Star* Lasting Impressions: What can I say -- I loved it!



Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing



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Review of Homecoming  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hi Hunter's Moon! As a judge for "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window., as well as in the spirit of writers helping each other hone their craft, I offer the following comments for "HomecomingOpen in new Window..

[The comments following red check marks are based on my observations and opinions. Please use only what you find helpful and disregard the rest *Smile*.]


*Flower4* Initial Reaction: This tightly written story grabbed my attention at the beginning and kept me engaged through to the end.


*Exclaim* What I liked:

*Thumbsup* I liked the inspiration you drew from the photo prompt for this interesting story.

*Thumbsup* The pace of this piece was wonderful. It moved from sentence to sentence with excellent flow, and the overall voice was fantastic.

*Thumbsup* The descriptions in this story gave me a perfect picture in my mind's eye of each scene and the action playing out.


*Idea* Suggestions:

*Check2* When I got to this line, I felt a strong sense of foreshadowing: Up to this point in time, no other life forms had been discovered. I was a little let down that no "life forms" entered the story by the end. Since this was not the direction you took with the story, I suggest tweaking the language in the sentence along these lines: Up to this point in time, no evidence of other life forms had been discovered.


*Question* Grammar/Spelling Oops: Great job with the mechanical side of this piece. I noticed no errors! *Cool**Thumbsup*


*Star* I enjoyed your story very much -- Good luck in the contest!




*Flower3* Nicki

Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing

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Review of The Snow Queen  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hello Cubby! After reading your poem "The Snow QueenOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact: Each time I read through this poem, I drew new conclusions about what its message could be. I felt a sense of forlornness, and power. The image of a Winter Queen reminds me of the season itself, cold, powerful, holding the world in a grip of suspended animation; punishing, but aware that her time is limited and the warmth will come again.


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form:

*Thumbsup* I liked that this poem is a column of lines, rather than divided into stanzas. This presentation mirrors the season of the Winter Queen, and being held in her grasp until the end.

*Thumbsup* The choice of blue font added an appropriate chill to the poem's appearance.

*Thumbsup* The regular syllabic count per line lent a nice, rhythmic flow to the piece.

*Check2* Since there normally four syllables per line, the one long line in the piece really sticks out:

Seduction of
the land is hers,
attacking the adulterers,
the good, the bad,
the dead, the green.


I suggest breaking up the line "attacking the adulterers," which has eight syllables, into two lines of four:

Seduction of
the land is hers,
attacking the
adulterers,
the good, the bad,
the dead, the green.



*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling: I didn't notice any mistakes. *Smile*


*Star* Lasting Impressions: I have really enjoyed reading your work today! You are a talented story teller and poet, and your creativity inspires me. Thanks for sharing your work with me!



Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing



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Review of The Lemon Tree  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hello Cubby! After reading your poem "The Lemon TreeOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact: What a happy poem! The lines were fresh, upbeat, and a pure joy to read. Everything was working to offer an enjoyable reading experience.


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form:

*Thumbsup* In perfect triplet form, each tercet's lines ended with a true rhyme.

*Thumbsup* The poem's rhythm was strong and pleasant due to the regular use of seven or eight syllables per line. It sounded great when I read it silently, and flowed off my tongue when I read it aloud.

*Thumbsup* I enjoyed the sound of the alliteration in this stanza:

Flavors candy, cough drops, cake
Used in many foods we bake
Cookies for a coffee break


*Thumbsup* The smiley face lemon tree you created at the poem's heading is adorable and set the happy tone right away.


*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling:

I noticed no errors! *Cool*


*Star* Lasting Impressions: This was a lot of fun to read!! Thanks for sharing your creative talent!



Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing



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Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Kiya!

I have been trying to create my first WDC web page since upgrading my membership to premium several months ago -- and this tutorial has really helped the bits and pieces of information I have gotten from my own web searches sink in. Thank you so much for explaining these basic HTML tags in simple, layman's terms.

The links you include on this page have been incredibly helpful!

If you hadn't sponsored this page on the WDC web pages list, I may never have found it! I don't know how much you spend on bid clicks for this advertisement, but please accept this small donation so that other members who will benefit from this tutorial will find it as easily as I did. *Smile*

I so admire your talent, Kiya, and all that you do to make WDC a great community! Have a wonderful week!

*Heart* Nicki

Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing
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Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hello Steph! After reading your poem "The Soul of an IsleOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact: Though the story of St. Patrick's Day origins is not all joyful, you managed to tell it with a tone of celebration and happiness. I liked that you explained the significance of the three and four leaf shamrocks.


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form: You used an interesting rhyme scheme in this piece. I liked that, generally, lines one and two of each stanza rhymed. Clever!

I also liked the repeat of (on) St. Patty's Day in every last line of the stanzas. This choice brought cohesiveness to the poem.



*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling: In this line, should 'hold' be 'Holy'?: helped explain the hold Trinity


*Star* Lasting Impressions: Thanks for sharing your St. Patty's Day tribute with us!



Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing



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Review of Freddy's letter  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #1533819 Unavailable **


Hi Dr Boris! In the spirit of writers helping each other hone their craft, I offer the following comments for "Freddy's letterOpen in new Window..

[The comments following red check marks are based on my observations and opinions. Please use only what you find helpful and disregard the rest *Smile*.]


*Flower4* Initial Reaction: I felt like I was actually reading a relic from the past instead of a wonderful example of contemporary creative writing!


*Exclaim* What I liked: The voice you established in this letter sounded authentic and brought incredible believability to this period piece. From the word choices and descriptions, to the imagery based on historic events, this letter sounded like the real deal. Great job!


*Idea* Suggestions: None -- this was exemplary writing.


*Question* Grammar/Spelling Oops: Just a couple minor editorial comments:

You have met the man Kitty, he is a disgrace. -- I suggest a semi-colon in place of the comma as it connects two independent clauses.

He made such a pathetic figure Kitty, a grown man and cavalry officer blubbering and sobbing in front of the enlisted men that I did not have the heart to refuse him. -- There is a missing comma after 'men', needed because the nonessential modifying phrase should be set off with a pair of commas.

I am an ornery old man, I will admit, but I am an honourable man Kitty, I told him in no uncertain terms that no man is to be left to those devils and dismissed him from my presence. -- The comma after 'Kitty' should be a semi-colon.


*Star* I really enjoyed reading your work. Thanks for sharing it!




*Flower3* Nicki

Rising Star Sig

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Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hello Daizy! After reading your poem "Nothing Can CompareOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact: I couldn't agree more with the sentiments in this lovely poem. The warm feelings I felt as I read the first stanza tripled when I got through the third -- I thought it was neat how my reading experience mirrored the message in the poem!


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form: I enjoyed the rhyme scheme of this piece, which added to the gentle cadence of the lines and gave it a nice, lyrical quality.

If I may suggest one small thing, I would offer that the title of the poem seems off to the side and disconnected from the centered stanzas. It may look sleeker if the title lined up with the poem.


*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling: Nice job placing punctuation appropriately. I wondered if you'd tried not capitalizing every line, only those that began a new 'sentence' or 'thought'?


*Star* Lasting Impressions: This sweet poem was a pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing it!



Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing



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Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Fyn!

*Star* Congratulations on a masterpiece of a story! I was hooked by your descriptive language and strong tone in the first paragraph, and stayed engaged through to the last word. Fantastic read!


*Thumbsup* The main characters are round and solid, and you show the reader with exquisite details their loving relationship.

*Thumbsup* The symbols you chose to explore the themes of this piece, (enduring love, living in the moment when life gets tough, and hope when all hope seems lost), enrich the reading experience and contain a strong moral as well.

*Thumbsup* The plot unfolds with precision pace and its emotional impact is great.

*Star* I hope WDC members looking for an exceptional read find their way to this story. It won't disappoint!

Best of luck to you in the contest *Smile*

Yours,
Nicki
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Review of Coloring Lesson  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hello Fyn! After reading your poem "Coloring LessonOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact: This is beautiful! The progression of the poem's imagery begins with the child coloring what she is told, but not what is expected. I felt immediately connected to the child, the narrator, as a creative person sometimes misunderstood.

The last full stanza and couplet bring the poem's emotional imagery full circle, and show the perseverance of the narrator's spirit. I felt like cheering her on, so much could I identify with her.


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form:

*Thumbsup* The tone set in the first stanza carries through the rest, as the narrator describes her life in cycles of seasons, and yesterdays and tomorrows. I was deeply touched by the metaphors used in these descriptions; they were poignant and beautiful.

*Thumbsup* The poem flowed effortlessly both when I read it to myself and when I read it aloud.

*Thumbsup* Great use of sound devices to add to the poem's rhythmic quality.

*Thumbsup* Though it's impossible for me to choose a favorite stanza, I did appreciate the language in this one very much:

Tomorrows are the children of today
and today is replete with echoed shadows
layered upon misted visions
floating just beyond my ken



*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling: I noticed no errors *Smile*


*Star* Lasting Impressions: This piece really spoke to me. Thanks so much for sharing it!



Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing



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Review of American Stew  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hello Fyn! After reading your poem "American StewOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact: There is pride and frustration in this poem, and the questions asked evoked in me a sympathy for the narrator's position. I felt in agreement with the argument that we are all the same, regardless of from where our ancestors hailed.


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form:

*Thumbsup* I enjoyed the metaphor in the title of this piece, and its exploration in the poem. It took the image of the melting pot and gave it a twist. I especially like the idea that our differences are the seasonings that add to the flavor of the ingredients making up the stew.

*Thumbsup* The last stanza was clever. By changing the syllabic meter and adding a rhyme scheme, you have effectively brought greater emphasis to the final verse, where the poem's message is stated more clearly and strongly than before. This allows the message to linger after the reader has finished.

*Check2* The underlined lines were enigmatic to me:

There is no United Irish College Fund
to send my son to school, nor group to defend
the rights of poor sod farmer's get
.
-- I wasn't sure to what a 'sod farmer's get' referred.


*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling: I noticed no errors in these areas! *Cool*


*Star* Lasting Impressions: I would have enjoyed hearing a synopsis of the newspaper article from which inspiration for this poem was drawn. I love the idea of using articles and real life events to prompt poetry. Your resulting poem was very successful and highly engaging. Thanks for sharing it!



Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing



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Review of Winter Touches  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hello Fyn! After reading your poem "Winter TouchesOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact: Each stanza deals with another facet of winter and the emotional impact changes with each. It was wonderful how you showed that sometimes we see the beauty of the season, other times the harsher side is evident.


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form:

*Thumbsup* The easy flow of this free form piece is owed in part to the regular organization of syllables arranged in shorter and longer lines consistent in each stanza.

*Thumbsup* I liked how the third line of every stanza was just one word, a high impact verb that drove home the imagery of the verse.

*Thumbsup* I enjoyed the moments of alliteration, particularly in the third stanza.


*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling: The sparse punctuation was appropriate when it appeared to mark intended pauses. I liked that only the first word in most of the stanzas was capitalized.


*Star* Lasting Impressions: On Sunday down here in Georgia, we had our first significant snowfall in five years. We witnessed a little of every stanza in this poem *Smile*. Thanks for sharing your creativity!



Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing



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Review of Tomorrow's Child  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hi Fyn! In the spirit of writers helping each other hone their craft, I offer the following comments for "Tomorrow's ChildOpen in new Window..

[The comments following red check marks are based on my observations and opinions. Please use only what you find helpful and disregard the rest *Smile*.]


*Flower4* Initial Reaction: This fantastical story invited my imagination to join in the telling as it mentioned artifacts from today's society long forgotten and then misunderstood by the village people in the tale.


*Exclaim* What I liked:

*Thumbsup* I liked that the story was separated into two parts, each with a different POV. This allowed me to understand the Storyteller and his mission in life before giving me access to the real main character in the story, Thevri.

*Thumbsup* It was fun to imagine the future the way you have portrayed it. I enjoyed the simplistic names used by the characters for times of the day, daily activities, and age groups. Very creative!

*Thumbsup* The last line was very clever, and through Thevri's question the story line beyond the story's ending was revealed.


*Idea* Suggestions:

*Check2* I was a bit confused by the order of event in this section: The tribespeople stood silent, confused. Thevri bent over and retrieved the piece of paper that Dak had tossed away. She went to her sleeping space and put the few things she had in her pack. -- Then, after the Storyteller and Thevri stop in the cave for the night: As he built a small fire, again using his blue firetool, Thevri sleepily asked him if she could read the paper. He handed it to her and she read. -- I had assumed she'd read the paper when she retrieved it earlier. Perhaps it was the Storyteller who had bent over and picked the paper up?


*Question* Grammar/Spelling Oops:

“Shhhhh.” He said with a smile. “Don’t tell!” -- *Right* “Shhhhh,” he said with a smile. “Don’t tell!”

“She cannot be your mate.” He told Dak. -- *Right* “She cannot be your mate,” he told Dak.


*Star* The was an engaging and entertaining read! Thanks for sharing it!




*Flower3* Nicki

Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing

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Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hi Fyn! In the spirit of writers helping each other hone their craft, I offer the following comments for "The Birthing PlaceOpen in new Window..

[The comments following red check marks are based on my observations and opinions. Please use only what you find helpful and disregard the rest *Smile*.]


*Flower4* Initial Reaction: What a beautiful story you have told! I knew from the first paragraph that this story was written for Short Shots, because I have studied the picture looking for my own inspiration. Had I never seen the photograph, however, I would have been able to picture the scene perfectly thanks to the beautiful descriptions in your story's opening. That paragraph set the tone of the piece as well, and foreshadowed the plot ready to unfold. I was hooked from the beginning.


*Exclaim* What I liked:

*Thumbsup* The symbols you used to express the themes of this story were wonderful. The dock signifying a safe haven to come back to, a port in the storm, was a creative use of the prompt and a strong thread that connected the narrator's childhood, present problem, and relationship to her husband. I loved the homophones berth and birth -- perfect in this story!

*Thumbsup* The questions the narrator asked herself when packing up the house, about whether she would need her winter coat or Christmas tree ornaments, was another wonderful example of continuity of symbols woven throughout that brought a richness to the story.

*Thumbsup* The loving relationship between the narrator and her husband was shown in exquisite detail through his actions as they settle into the cottage, as he rowed her around the lake, at the story's ending. Not once did the characters say 'I love you' to each other, yet there was never a moment that I didn't feel their incredible love.

*Thumbsup* The paragraph that begins 'I took my coffee, grabbed my jacket he’d hung on the peg by the door and wandered down to the dock...' contained stunning imagery and described the setting in a sensual way that I could easily see in my mind's eye.


*Idea* Suggestions:

*Check2* The first time I read through this, I was aware that "he" referred to the narrator's unnamed husband. However, early in the story you write: Death would have to wait a while for his closure. -- The next time you use "he" is: Would I be around to need my winter coat? We packed it. He made those decisions my mind refused to make. -- I stopped here, asking myself if you meant he, the husband, or he, Death. I decided it was the husband, but I suggest replacing "he" with "my husband" to avoid confusion.

*Check2* I thought it was very effective to switch from past tense to present at the end of the story. The intimacy achieved with this decision is poignant; the reader feels like s/he stands shoulder to shoulder with the narrator as she learns the future is hers to enjoy. The paragraph before the break which begins 'Christmas Day was a jumble of wrapping paper...' shifts between past and present with sentences like: ...Children, unaware of our journey the past year, tell me I have lost weight and asked what diet I’ve been on. I am told they love my new pixie haircut. He sidetracked them with a tale of the puppy’s antics and I flashed him a smile of relief... -- I suggest making the break occur just before this paragraph, so that 'Christmas day is a jumble of wrapping paper...' and so on in present tense through to the end.


*Question* Grammar/Spelling Oops: Some editorial comments before the contest closes:

*Bullet* Of course, I remembered my grandmother telling me as a child, that the dock was actually the water next to a pier. -- Since this is not a "so that" sentence, I think removing the comma after child is appropriate.

*Bullet* Strands of falling hair awere carried to the blooming lilacs by gentle spring breezes. I imagined their being woven into robin’s nests. -- LOVE these images!! Note though: awere should be were; robin's nests should be robins' nests or a robin's nest.

*Bullet* The docto rwas still rambling on but... -- doctor was

*Bullet* He was smiling. ‘Trust the results.’ He said. ‘You are doing better. It is working.’ -- *Right* He was smiling. ‘Trust the results,’ he said. ‘You are doing better. It is working.’

*Bullet* This paragraph has some dialogue issues. My offered suggests follow: I was afraid to listen. Hope was as fleeting as the sun rise, I said. ‘But it rises every day. Whether it is blocked by clouds or not, the sun rises and darkness is beaten back by the light. You are getting better. You’ve got to hold on to that and believe it.’ His expression, his eyes, were so full of love: He is my dock and there by the water I slipped into sleep as the geese glided by, their seven teenaged goslings following behind them.

I was afraid to listen. "Hope is as fleeting as the sunrise," I said.

‘But it rises every day. Whether it is blocked by clouds or not, the sun rises and darkness is beaten back by the light. You are getting better. You’ve got to hold on to that and believe it.’ His expression, his eyes, were so full of love: He is my dock and there by the water I slipped into sleep as the geese glided by, their seven teenaged goslings following behind them.


*Bullet* Radiation replaces chemo. -- There's a verb tense shift here. I suggest: Radiation replaced chemo.

*Bullet* There was ice on the lake and it screeched against the wood en dock. -- wooden dock


*Star* I was deeply touched by your story, and I loved the ending! Best of luck to you in the contest! I look forward to reading and reviewing more of your work this afternoon.




*Flower3* Nicki

Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing

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Review of Family Memories  Open in new Window.
Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hello SybariteScribe! After reading your poem "Family MemoriesOpen in new Window., I offer you this humble review.



*Note1* Emotional Impact: You captured the nostalgic feelings evoked from photographs, and the emotions that stir when memories are revisited.


*Note4* Effectiveness of Form:

*Thumbsup* Good job following the rhyme scheme of the ottava rima. I also enjoyed the slant rhyme in 'journey's memories'.

*Check2* The ottava rima in English is usually written in iambic meter, most usually in iambic pentameter, although the use of eleven syllables per line is acceptable.


*Note3* Punctuation/Spelling: The capitalization and punctuation of this piece showed the lines to be organized in sentences, and aided readability and flow.


*Star* Lasting Impressions: It has been a great pleasure to sample your work today! Thanks so much for sharing your creativity and talent with us!



Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing



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Review by NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1458790 Unavailable **


Hi SybariteScribe! In the spirit of writers helping each other hone their craft, I offer the following comments for "Remembering Winters, pt 2 - Sledding Open in new Window..

[The comments following red check marks are based on my observations and opinions. Please use only what you find helpful and disregard the rest *Smile*.]


*Flower4* Initial Reaction: I realized I had read and reviewed Remembering Winters, Pt 1, so I decided to read part two today. Glad I did, it was entertaining and timely as we had the first snow storm in five years down here in Atlanta on Sunday!


*Exclaim* What I liked: The overall tone of this piece is wonderful. I could picture the "potentially revenue generating" hill, and the sleds the boys used. [The children next door were sledding on sleds matching your description just yesterday. When I asked my neighbor about them, she said they had been her husband's. I was impressed that they were in such good shape, until I reminded myself that her husband grew up in Georgia where it snows (maybe, outside of drought decades) once a year. *Smile*]


*Idea* Suggestions: None -- this was pure fun to read!


*Question* Grammar/Spelling Oops: None! *Cool*


*Star* I love your work, fiction, non-fiction -- you can write it all!




*Flower3* Nicki

Sig by KiyaSama I use when reviewing

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