This is a wonderful poem! Those who chase whatever they dream about are often misled. Dreams, by definition, are works of fiction. The brain assembles these works of fiction, as you already know, based loosely on things in one's waking life. A rare dream may contain a prophecy, but such things should not be counted on except in retrospect, when what was foretold in the dream is already fulfilled. (For example, a guy who has a dream about marrying a friend of his, who is only his friend at least at the time, should not steak his heart on her right then and there.) Such things often bring only loss. You summed this up wonderfully in that poem!
-Will
P.S. I hope to hear from you again at some time.
This is a wonderful comparison, although there was a 1933 (or possibly 1932, can't remember off hand) novel published shortly before the 1st film. Although they did have the same author (well, they were finished by the same author, the book was started by another guy who died before it was finished); Anyway, I for one would frankly call the book rather than the 1st movie "the original," even though they were written by the same people.
Back to the real point, this is a pretty good essay, and the comparisons were right on target. For future reference, it would behoove you to double-check for grammar and typos.
This is a captivating work. The way this is written, for reasons that are difficult to explain, makes it easy to stick with and read to the end. It is also accurate in content. Many philosophers have pondered the nature of thought, and their conclusions largely match what is stated in this work.
I suggest capitalization, but otherwise I like this. Change, for the worse that is, is hard to deal with, and I know that as well as anyone. The form that this poem takes on a page is good.
While I suggest watching your punctuation, I do like this poem. It is a good concept, and an excellent lesson about treating others as one wishes to be treated.
This is a good piece, although you might want to improve your punctuation for future reference. It certainly sums up the gist of what Christmas is supposed to be about, the love that Jesus, whose birth we celebrate, taught.
This is a very convincing piece. I only have two major suggestions: Keep on writing pieces as good as this and, IF the article is non-fictionally first person, go find yourself a girl as attractive as she is. As with anyone else, different beautiful girls are into different things. Not all are into sports, and therefore not all are into athletic boys. I used to be in either your shoes or those of your character as the case might be. Now, I am basically half-involved with a very beautiful girl. I look forward to arranging a second date when she is done being grounded (for a reason not relating to me), but such is life.
I have a slight corrective suggestion concerning the phrase "Y-chromosome deficient" late in the first paragraph. The Y is an abbreviated chromosome, essentially a shorter version of the X with very many missing genes, and notably one added gene called the SRY Masculation Gene. Technically, it is that one gene and not the Y Chromosome as a whole that makes you a boy. Anyway, the fact that the Y is an abbreviated chromosome means that if anything, HAVING it would be the deficiency. As far as I can see by your correct use of capitalization and your moderate use of fragments where effective, the scientific mistake inherent to that phrase is your ONLY mistake here.
Congratulations on writing a touching piece very well! By the way, female friends are a great source of advice about attracting girls.
My only suggestions are to add some punctuation and to keep on writing. This is a very touching work. It expresses an absolute truth. My other suggestion, although this is less important than what I thought were my only ones earlier in typing this, is to mention the Eucharist, by which Christ returns every week in Holy Transubstantiation.
I am not so sure as to what that last stanza means. How does one rape a virgin with grief? I fail to see the metaphor that compares grief, an understandable feeling, with rape, an unethical act, felony, and mortal sine against both the individual victim and the State, and also against the canons of every denomination and the teachings of Our Lord and Savior. Up until that point, however, this really is a good work. Indeed, poets are ultimately people like any others.
This is a well-written, not to mention emotionally charged, piece. It has a sad ending, what with her disappearing, leaving only the dark of the formerly romantic, but perhaps now scary, night. (Let me guess. She already had a boyfriend. ?) Seriously, though, you're a good writer and should keep up the good work.
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