I have read your story with great intrest, I think the story is very good, and interesting, I was never bored.
I felt sorry for both her and the child, I'm a little angry at Edward, but that's because you made him real to me, that's my overall impression.
I do also think you might have made Edward, a little less forgiving, through the story, maybe fighting with himself over his dutys, so the ending would have been a little more balievable.
Thank you for posting such a good story....... Nighthawk
Your story has so much yet to offer, I think for one so young( and believe me when I say, to me you are very young) You must like writing to be on this board, I think that is great, you show so much talent for one your age.
Save this story, and in a year reread it and see how much futher you have come, you, I'm sure, will be amazed.
Now comes the bad part, I did like the story, but you can make so much more out of it, try explaning of the mothers plight, and that of the brothers and sisters, that live with you or around you, explane why were you hurt, was it by soldier that you saw? the reader wants to know these things.
Please Hana, don't let anyone tell you that you can't write....I know better.
I loved this it, is so sad, and I'm a sucker for this kind of story, my overall impression of this is very good, but (theres always a but isn't there) I would have liked to have known a little more of the relationship and interaction of the people involved.
I know that things like this happened in real life, and I think you could have expaned the details, of their trial of having to leave their homes behind, and mabe the closness that brought them to this part in their lives. I know you have written this from the view of a small child, which does hamper it some what, maybe you could have involved an adult into the narrative a bit more.
Please do not let me, or anyone else sway from writing,as I say I really liked your story.
As starting writer, I find it hard sometimes to review someone else, I know what my feelings are when I write a story, then send it out there, to wonder alone, and hope for the best. but I'll give it my best shot.
I understand that this photo is of a gathering , for a happy event, but I don't feel that the author was happy when the photo was looked at, this just didn't really tell me anything.
I read it three times and I get the jest of what you are trying to say, that peoples imperfections can be over looked, but I'm sorry it just didn't do anything for me.
My overall impression of this story, I was highly entertained, I thought it was a very good short story, and if you are just begaining to write, I think that you do have a talent for it.
I do think that the ending was weak, it seemed hurried, the start and middle to me were strong, and interesting, the ending seemed a little flat, and left me wondering, why the grave was partly dug.
I'm sorry to say, but to me this does not make a lot of sense, I think I know what your trying to do.....and if this is only a pome for one person that's great, and I'm sure that if there is a Sissy, then she will love it, because it would mean something to her.
If you want to submit poetry I think thats wonderful.....but broden your scope, so we can all enjoy it.
I was impressed with this story, I enjoyed it, even if it was about something as tragic as a marriage falling apart.
although I heard only one side of the story......to make it truly a great story not just a good one, I would liked to have heard some of Alex's side also.
You could still make him a nogood bum, but maybe he has a reason.
I think your writing skill really shows through, and over all I thought this was very good.
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