I felt that I had to read this poem because the description seemed so much like the situation I happen to be in with a good friend of my own. And I think what you've written here is important to have written, in that the line between close friendship and romantic relationship can blur so readily. It could use some work with the flow and intentions of the speaker, though. If you took out some commas (maybe limit one to a line) then it wouldn't feel so punctuated by uncertainty. The last line "Your friendship I would never trade for love or anything" confuses me. Isn't this person already loved, through friendship? Doesn't the speaker really want (deep, deep down) for the relationship to change? Let the speaker speak with certainty that his(?) emotions are in conflict with the situation! Otherwise, the beloved might not believe him to be serious.
Of all the apocalypse stories I have ever read, this comes to a definite place in the top three. It is questionable as to whether or not this will ever happen, but I adore the use of surprise in this piece. That children should disappear, then WOMEN! I did not expect this in the least.
Technically speaking, I think that an adjective you used in the ninth paragraph was a little much. RELIGIOUS zeal over a dandelion?
Perhaps it would be better phrased as "cajole me zealously".
I was looking up polls (for enjoyment) when I came across this one. I admit, I was surprised when I came across it. I have never personally met anyone who practices the Baha'i Faith, nor heard of any place specifically where ones who do may meet. Thus I have a question: why did you ask?
A thought-provoking poll.
Thank You.
I have always liked madlibs, but this one takes the cake (or cheesecake, in my case)! I have not yet looked to see if you have done any more madlibs, but if you have, I bet they must be at least as funny as this one! One comment, though- I was not very clear on what you meant by a type of costume. Could you arrange it to be so that clarification is unneeded?
This makes for a good little joke! I am sure that this is worthy material for future 'irony in fifty-five words' pieces. Meaning, I think you could turn this into a big project, with lots of little stories like this one. I would recommend that you put a period between cliff and but, and capitalize the but. Keep writing.
I must say that I could not have imagined this myself! Did you collaborate with anyone else to put this together? Either way, I like the page very much! It is admirable that you should set up an anonymous-friend like this. It is most commendable.
I am in awe. You clearly display your passion for this issue in this piece.
However, it is the finer technical points that degrade my opinion of this piece.
The puppy is only six months old, so in dog years he would be about 3.5 years old. The monolog from him is from someone of at least of the maturity of the average eighteen year old. In other words, please simplify! Second, I do not understand how a little puppy would know the kittens were too young to be away from their mother. Did you know this when you were three and a half? There is so much that seems exaggerated to make your point (which is still an excellent one) but if you take a piece of fiction, which quite bluntly is a lie trying to make itself appear as truth, and take it too far? A reader will have a lesser degree of interest in what you are trying to say.
I rather liked this piece. It gave away a feel of one of Shakespeare's sonnets, but there is a few things I do have to bring up: In the third line, singeing pain, do you mean like a pure note, or a burn? And for attire in the eighth line, I do not understand your choice of words. Finally, why the acorn and the saplings? What does a tree have to do with fire? Just a thought. Keep writing!
You are a master is a simple way to say it, I suppose. I have never seen a poem that combines two forms of poetry together so well! You even include alliteration to its finest point in this piece. I especially liked the slight rhyme between the fourth and sixth lines. It turns it into something sublime. Please keep writing!
This piece is short and to the point. Also, the question asked at the end is a great part to add in. I really enjoyed this piece. However, the shortness of it makes it rather blunt to the point of dullness. I would recommend increasing its length at least by two. Otherwise, write on!
I do not wish to be rude, but what I have to say about is piece may come across that way. I apologize in advance.
You have misspelled several words, and you keep repeating yourself by saying "so like". This would suggest one of two things: you are not used to dialog, or you wrote this in a hurry.
The plot is bland. The ordinary-girl-trying-to-be-popular theme is used so often that I am fairly sure not many people would continue reading after the first few paragraphs.
You tend to ramble into run-on sentences. For example, in the thirty-fifth paragraph, fifth sentence, between the word 'lunch' and the phrase 'so why' , a comma is needed to turn it into a properly crafted sentence.
Back to the writing. You seem to like using shorter sentences. If you could expand your style to include longer sentences (but not run-on sentences) the piece would be easier and more enjoyable to read.
That is all I have to say.
Interesting poll that you have here. Sometimes I have considered this question when I see an advertisment for a charity or here news about a disaster somewhere in the world. I put down "undecided" as my answer, because I am really unsure of the answer. You have given me some food for thought.
Wow! All these points you come up with... astounding! I really liked the paragraph were you asked the rhetorical question IS LOVE COMPLEX? It most certainly is not! And the part about the birds being part of a beautiful orchestra? Just absolutely wonderful! Great job!
Wonderful meter and rhyme! This poem borders on almost classical quality. I also quite agree about the subject matter as well. If no one had a trouble to tell of, would there ever truly be any stories? And if they did not exist, where would that leave us writers? Great poem!
Quite satirical! I can certainly understand the your view on being criticized for reviewing. Sometimes I cannot help but feel somewhat miffed at a terrible review, but to handle it in a dignified manner? Paramount! Thank you very much for writing this particular essay!
What a twist, what irony! This is quite the shock piece! I expected for some sort of deranged nut to be trying to scare the living daylights out of the woman! That it should be dream, and then turn out to be real, is a fantastic way to end such a story. Most excellent job!
This is a rather interesting poll. I suppose you are right about being a heavy-type. Some keyboards I have seen are nearly impossible to work with because of the wear on the keys, and also I note that these keyboards were some of the first few models at the public library. This is also true of some typewriters I have seen.
This is an amazing story! The characters seem so real, and all the details that you included make this even more realistic with every word. Perhaps you could write a sequel or a related piece to this one? Maybe on e of the renegades could be a narrator, and expose the origin of the Virus. Perhaps.
This is so cute! (And in some way, darkly funny.) In your summary of the poem, you said your cat had a nasty habit of catching moths and eating them. What does it's face look like when it captures the moth, like you described in the poem, or something else? I would like to know.
There are so many veins in this story, I cannot help myself but enjoy the complexity of it all. Every detail you put in this story wants of nothing, and I find myself drawn to every chapter. What will happen next? Why does the Great Architect want to burrow all the way to the desert? Why is the lamp covered? Please write another chapter!
Well, what can I say? Sometimes I think everybody is like Hal, because they never want to admit they were late unless they were suppose to be late. Anyway, this piece was funny. The way you wrote it, I wish I was there when Hal's coat got stuck in the door. What a mess that must have been! Do you write in farce often? You are very good at it.
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