Lol. I like this. It sounds almost like and urban legend. I used to write for an urban legend website and with a little tweaking this could be my neighbor. I liked it though, the reality of it is believable, which always is good. You grabbed me with the title, you honestly had my mind thinking about all kinds of weird thoughts.
Wow! This is really powerful. I loved your usage of imagery and diction. I love the line in the poem at the end. "... an alien darkness filled the void where my soul had been." That is just amazingly powerful and moving. I also like how compare the character to Elton John's song, Daniel. Knowing the song and the way you intertwined your descriptions to match the style of the song was just amazing.
I honestly hope that there will be more erotica contests like this one because I find them much more believable when there is actually a plot. I think that it makes it more respectable as well. I am a true Scorpio and I act like it and I hate that America was founded by prudes, at least we can always count on erotica for actual entertainment.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hannahjordan
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 6:55pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
