I am much better at editing something than I am at telling how to edit something, so I hope you do not mind that I decided to just edit yours for you :) Good luck with this! I enjoyed it!
Just like that, she made her decision. She gave them up. Normally, it was
something people thought about for months, even years. But she had never thought
about this before. Sure, there was something in her, and to tell the truth, it was
probably something she had known all along, though never conscious of it. She simply
carried on doing what she’d learned to do, knowing she was on the path to bring her
perfect textbook happiness.
However, two things happened and truth surfaced. If either thing had happened in
isolation, everything would have been very different, though both would have left her a little scarred. At first she would have struggled to cover it up. Through this, a slight character flaw might have surfaced. She would’ve been slightly jaded and perhaps would have lost a few social skills, but that would have been all. She would’ve been able to carry on with her slightly-more- satisfying-than-mediocre existence, had things happened differently.
Unfortunately, things did not happen the way she would have wanted. The two perfectly timed events persuaded her that . . . it was time. Two weeks and one day earlier, she had broke it off with her boyfriend. They had been together since they were in college, about 9 years in all. It didn’t come as much of a surprise to her. Not that she was expecting it, just that when it happened, everything made sense. There was no longer a spark found between them. It had been gone for quite some time.
When they were younger, he had absolutely adored her. She was young, pretty and
impeccably dressed. She wasn’t beautiful, but pretty enough to make him feel like
a man who had batted a little out of his league. That is not to say he wasn’t good
looking himself., though he was definitely a boy who would take some time to mature in his looks. His features just seemed a little too strong for a boy of his age.
What had attracted her was his charm. He was interesting, he knew how to
make people smile, and he seemed to like the same things she liked. Even on their first
meeting, they'd talked for hours about subjects that would have normally bored their friends. They discussed literature, different genres of music, and even historical foreign events they had
found in some archives, tucked away in a dingy corner of the local library. They seemed
to have found in each other a partner to whom they could confide their secret passions.
Unfortunately, time changed things between them. After school, Skye became a cosmetic sales
assistant, and he had been hired by a small IT firm, allowing him the ability to move
up quickly due to its unexpected success. They moved in together and the first
two years were complete bliss. They talked about marriage, but both agreed it would be
better to live together for another year, simply to see how things went. They were
being sensible. Sadly, a year later, the company went national and started putting a lot
of pressure on him. He often had to work long hours and was very tired when he
arrived home. It started to put a strain on their relationship. They spoke less and less.
Skye didn’t want to pressure him because was working hard for them, so she just lent
him support in any way she could.
That way she also busied herself by cleaning, making sure his lunch was ready for him to take to work, and keeping the fridge stocked with beer for when he arrived home late at night. She waited patiently for a day when things would hopefully improve. Perhaps the business would ease up and allow him some time off. That day never came.
She had instead become disappointed with what had occurred. Even though her step mother
had brought her up well, she had never imagined herself waiting hand and foot on a
businessman who was too tired to pay her any attention. Though the relationship was
comfortable and she felt taken care of, something was missing between them. She knew that eventually they would get married and have children, but that knowledge wasn’t something that fulfilled her. Even still, she loved him, and somewhere inside that tired businessman’s body, was the man she remembered. The business had taken him, was all.
He had also started seeing other women. She knew this. Years together, without
anything new to bond them had left the loving couple uninterested. Neither had wanted to
participate in sex with each other any longer, because it had become just too dull and predictable. It had become a lot like masturbating really, only it had the added burden of waiting out the
other if you’d been unlucky enough to finish first.
He had grown quite attractive with the remainder of his body seeming to catch up with
his features. He had become a strong, handsome man. That, coupled with his
success as a businessman, enticed women everywhere he went. Bored with the
monotony of his business, he had started to seek out affairs to spice up his dull life.
Not that he wanted to hurt Skye, in fact, he still cared deeply for her. But he’d been
careless. He’d told her that on Wednesdays and Thursdays he would be working late, and
often did not get home until 3 or 4 am. Sometimes the excuses extended to include the
weekend. There were various business trip obligations that he’d stated was no way to break. Even on her birthday he had shown up late, apologizing for his absence while trying to hide the
lip stick stain on his shirt collar.
Still, those ways were not the reason she knew. He’d paid for a regular room in a small hotel
downtown. His adventures always ended up there at some time of the night. He
would stumble in drunk with various women, too drunk to notice Skye’s high school
friend waiting at the reception desk to welcome the guests as they arrived. Lucky for Skye, she
was a good friend. The secret stayed between the two of them. Surprisingly, Skye
didn’t mind the extra-curricular activities. Him being away gave her time at home without interruption. Time at home she could dream, and the desires she would have if she could become another person. Besides, it was always with different women, so just a bit of harmless pleasure.
That is why it came as such a shock when he arrived home one night and told her, just
as if telling a best mate. They were in love. He’d already proposed and they were
to get married the following February. Two weeks from that night. That was all it took for him to close things between them, pack and move out.
The second thing to cause this complete reversal happened just six hours after his car left screeching from its park. He’d pecked her cheek, thanked her and left.
Most of the furnishings remained. He took only what she would have no use for.
She had a good consolation since the apartment now belonged to her. The coffee, the
cat, and the shared bank account. If he was to start anew, the least he could do
was leave her with enough to survive.
She wandered around for a while, drinking cup after cup of herbal tea, a detox
she’d hoped would help. The apartment felt empty to her, but not because he was gone.
In the last year, she’d actually resented his presence. Once or twice a week, guilt
had forced him to take up space there. Neither of them had enjoyed it, but they’d
both pretended, in an effort to hold things together. The thing was, his leaving made
something else leave. She supposed that she was still trying to hold it there. Slightly detached, but
trying, nonetheless. What she didn’t know was that tomorrow she would give it all up.
Six hours late,r she found herself in a bar. It wasn’t a popular one, but she knew it
was a place she could find someone. She was lonely. An afternoon’s soul
searching had led her to crave passion, and she wanted someone to love her. Love her
in the way that would make her feel as she felt when she first met him. She had a feeling of faintness, a glaze comfortably enveloping her eyes, and a burning desire to be touched. This is what she wanted. The pull was so strong, it got her up and dressed and with lips stained pink, and out into a distant suburb.
He was quite handsome, and while admiring his strong physique, she watched him order a dry
scotch. He was a man, alright, and quite well dressed. She offered a flutter of her eyelids
and a few hinted smiles. It took him awhile to approach. He’d tried to mask his
intense attraction at first. It’s always a game. But she allowed him to seduce her.
She’d made her girlish emotions visible on her sleeve, and he’d approached the
opportunity with perfect reserve. She gently let him know she’d been taken by his
sweet whispers. And a few hours later, game over, they were at his apartment . . . naked.
The second event was not perfect. It actually would have been rape. She couldn’t really call
it that, but had they both been different people, then it just might have occurred.
He was not a rapist, nor was she a victim. Passion had flowed through their veins as they tried desperately to peel each others’ clothes off. It had all been a perfect evening until he climbed on top of her.
He’d asked her to lie still. Calm even the rapid movement of her chest. In an
instant her desire vanished, and clarity washed through her eyes. He had only asked her that once, and she ignored it. She saw the disappointment in his face, but also the nervousness. He hadn’t the devotion nor the nature to actually go through with it. She didn’t stop what was happening and neither did he. It was too late for that.
They didn’t want to leave completely unsatisfied. But neither found what they
were looking for. Their fantasies left completely unfulfilled, they managed only sooth a dull irritation picked up walking past a lovely but slightly toxic bush of
violets.
The next morning is when she decided it. Not only were they no longer necessary,
but they were just purely and simply wrong. Sipping coffee in a nearby café, she added
three sugars instead of two. She pondered her former efforts, and how they’d
both ended in disappointment. She looked at the faces in the café. Some where
happy, some were sad, and others wore rush. They would soon be scurrying off to
their jobs, their kitchens, or even to their secret lovers. In their movements, she saw things:
The things driving them, forcing them to finish each day and move on to the next.
Working hard, doing things because it was right and necessary, not because it
was what they wanted, but rather, one of the things that caused them to be impatient. An idea that encouraged them to paint passionate but foolish facades. A thing that forced them to lie .
Some people would see different things, and some people would say it was a drive for
power, others, contentment. More would say it was nature.
But Yuki saw voodoo. A cloud of it that seemed to fog even the strong ones.
The events had allowed her to see a truth, and it was this clarity that was the driving force.
In both events it had woken her to the fact that she was living . . . that her feelings
were always solitary, and just as in both events, they were something only she'd
imagined. She thought about herself as a child, running carelessly through
the long grasses. The only thing on her mind then was not to stand on a prickle that
might puncher her delicate feet. As she released them, a calming emotion filtered
delicately though her veins.
It was unattached, but perfect. There and then, she was a child, sipping coffee and enjoying
the chocolate colored liquid that was warming her mouth. She had nowhere she
had to go, and no desire to move on. It was just her, Yuki, in a coffee shop, the sun
filtering in as she was savoring every moment.
She gave them up, just like that. Then she was free.
Love and convention: they were more than just a prison. They were just not true. |
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