Hey Marshall, I thought that this was a very good story and pretty accurate about the civil war. It makes me sad to think that brother could fight brother in such a way. During the war families were literally torn apart and brother sometimes would actually kill each other in battle. The story was very good but there is one thing I would like to point out. The sentence that goes "he wore a grey officer's uniform. His sword lay waiting to be drawed out." You should say where it is that his sword is laying and "drawed" is not a word. Those were the only major mistakes I spotted. Very good work I liked this story a lot.
I liked this poem very well. This truly speaks of the mask we all put on for the sake of being accepted. As humans we all crave and long for acceptance from our peers. We want to be praised for what we do but living our lives so others accept us is not a way to live at all. Instead of living to get others to accept us we need to live so others want to be us. We all have a purpose in life that we have to find. Like a clock or machine we are all parts that are here for a reason and when parts try to do things they weren't made to do they break. To live a life that isn't our purpose is not a life at all. If something doesn't serve a purpose what would the point of it existing be? If you had a chair that you never used what would be the point in having it be? We must find the purpose we serve and then serve it. To human history we are literally specks of dust so it doesn't matter what others think of you in the end. In the end we will not be judged by others but we will be judged by what we did in life. This is a great poem and I hope to read more of your work.
This piece is very well written and I love the story. There are a few errors that I would like to point out. First thing I would like to suggest is that when there are different characters speaking most authors start a new paragraph. Here's an example:
"How is this possible?" Xard questioned
"The gravitational pull has been reversed!" Drax responded.
So this way it reduces confusion as per who's talking. One more thing that I think needs tweeking is the part where you describe the deer as it looks around. The part I'm talking about is "It lifted its head to be sure that there were no enemies about and satisfied that there weren't any it began to graze on the soft leaves." this sentence is a little awkward and needs work. I think you should write it more like "It lifted its head to be sure that there were no enemies about. When it was satisfied that there were no threats it began to graze on the soft leaves." This piece is very well written and I am excited to read more of this series.
Dude, I have but a few words to say; cool, cool, cool, cool. I absolutely love these kind of stories where fiction crosses with the real world and you handled it so elegantly. The imagery was great and I could really see what you where trying to describe. Even though the story wasn't too long it was just enough to keep me hooked and wanting more. I don't know if you got th term "Dragonborn" from Skyrim or not (I'm guessing you did) but I am a huge fan of the game and this was a great short story of dragons entering the real world. I like how this seemed like a preview of a story to come and I am really excited to read more of your work. Keep up the good work!
Love life and live long- 2 Winged Dragon
Wow this is a really deep read about what goes on within us all. What we must realize is we all hurt inside, even though we appear outwardly strong. None of us are truly strong but that is what makes us human. We must learn to move through our shadows and find people we can confide and trust in. To keep your feelings bottled up inside is not healthy and while we have dark moments in our lives we must learn to focus on the good times. Great job!
Love life and live long- 2 Winged Dragon
This sounds like the begining of a great story. It's a little short for a whole chapter and I hope you add more to it. The story itself seems slightly confusing at the begining and I suggest putting more detail into the description as per what's going on. Where you have "Maxy is now my dog and, best friend." the comma after "and" is not nessasary. The sentence that reads "Now im stuck in debt,alone." should be written more like "Now I'm stuck in debt and totally alone, save for my dog Maxy.". Also you should consider rewording "No elves do, We can get shot and die just like that but age, that's just a mystery." the "we" shouldn't be capitalized and the part where it says "but age, that's just a mystery." is a little confusing. Try writing it more like "No elves feel the bonds of time around them. We can get shot and die like any other creature, but age remains a mystery to our kind." my suggestion is to be careful when using commas. They are rather tricky to figure out and take a long time to master. All and all the story is very interesting and I look forward to reading more. Keep up the good work
Wow I am very impressed. This is a very good story and I like how it grabs the attention of the reader right at the begining. I only noticed a few things wrong like you're missing a few quotation marks in the first chapter. I also noticed that one word was capitalized in the second paragraph where the docter says "Just leave Zander... I can Tell..." tell in this sentence should be lower case. Sorry for being so specific about that but I want this story to be perfect. Keep up the good work!
This story is a very good view of life and our constant struggle to do the right thing. The story itself is well written and gives me a good image of how you try to live. Writing is really something personal and deep, this piece accomplished both of those things. The things you need to work on is commas and how you use them. Be careful when using commas in sentences and use them sparingly. I know how hard it is because I always struggled with this idea and I still do. Look over your paper after you finish to make sure you have all of your spaces in there as well. Keep up the good work!
Love life and live long- 2 Winged Dragon
This is a great example of God's love for us. As humans, it's hard for us to imagine such love and grace. We are the wicked child and Jesus is the good child, yet he was punished for our sin. We can not even begin to imagine the pain and suffering he went through for us. As I once said in a poem of mine is that we are "the loved evil one." and we need to remember that we don't deserve the life we have. We can't possibly deal out death and judgement to others after God chose us over Jesus. We deserve death but we still live and so I am happy to let God decide who deserves what. Also remember that even though we are wicked no one of this Earth can possibly judge or accuse you when you belong to God. You are HIS and what court could anyone even begin to point fingers at you? This is a good word and a powerful message, keep it up!
Love life and live long- 2 Winged Dragon
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