Within your poem are telling a story of your past and most certainly capturing this moment using the poem as a lens to this experience, however there is a lot of redundancy within your poem! There are some lines that do not really add emphasis to the meaning you are trying to convey (a mixture of passion, love and regret I presume) - If i were to write this again I would definitely cut back on some of your lines. I have pulled the most effective out below if it helps you? Also - consider slimming down the words within these lines also.
Hope this helps?
We often ate Mexican or American cuisine
We would pour over the menus
Calmly casting aside our doubts
And choose something tasteful
Which I would regret later.
I would often wish to have what she was eating –
She would notice and offer to share.
She would gather a wholesome, worthwhile kiss for me,
Pressed deliciously on my mouth
Which would sometimes linger during the long drive home.
And that was love so divine
One more time…
I like the concept of personifying the flame. I think you should consider personifying her throughout the entire poem. e.g. Could you edit the line below to fit in with the personification that runs throughout your poem instead of speaking directly of the fire spreading?
"Maybe you should think twice, before you let the fire spread."
Some technical errors also:
line 2 - "it" instead of in
Line 3 - "it's is" choose 1 - it is or it's
Line 8 - "the Satan" - either she is Satan or the ruler of hell
You probably read this often, but your poem clearly opens a window into your world and captures the feelings in which you were experiencing at that particular time. I really enjoyed the flow of the poem and the imagery you employ to express your feelings.
I particularly like your opening stanza, but more so the line, "within my scattered dreams" - this to me shows unrest, as your "dreams", (something in which we associate with pleasure and fulfillment) have become "scattered" creating a sense of confusion and loss. These two words coupled together sum up how the loss of someone dear to you affect you so deeply that even in times when we should be resting, you are metaphorically speaking at a loss. Furthermore, your following line hints at a "treasure" that has been "stolen" from you - again emphasising the sense that something very dear to you is lost. Without a doubt, this part of the poem drives home your message to me.
Thank you for sharing :)
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