Chapter one and forward review: I really like your descriptions of the officers, especially when you make the fourth star sound so much more impressive than three. I found it a little hard to keep track of what's going on. Not so much in the beginning of the forward, but if you could connect the first half of the forward to the second half a little more it would be helpful. I also really liked that you don't use overly dramatic names and instead rely on your descriptions to make character statements. At these parts, there seems to be a clean yet metallic prettiness to your writing. Idk if that makes sense but here it is :)
Hey it's me gretta. I told you I'd review your work and I will, especially since you did mine and I like your voice. How ever, bare with me.Your's is a lot longer than mine so I'm going to do my reviews over segments at a time ok. :) My first is over the forward.
I really like the lines drawn between the light keepers and the war lords. I liked that you didn't have to say one was good and the other evil; your tone kind of said it all. I can see why you would like mine in this aspect. I also liked that unlike so many others you didn't go over board with the names. I hate over the top names but you did a good job of making them both normal and foreign all at once. Lastly and most of all, I loved the idea of war giving way to creation, even if it is implied to be a bad thing. I think in a way it kind of reminds me of the Iliad and Gilgamesh and stuff like that where war is highly valued, heck look at the Roman empire for Pete's sake. lol :) Because of that, my fav lines of the forward were:
"Their origins are unclear, but what is certain is that their influence has caused the formation of nearly every empire, the start of every war, and the makings of every attempt at global domination in world history."
I really liked this poem it sort of reminds me of R.L. Stine's don't think about it except the girl most definitely can't help but think about it. I liked that it really reflects how a child afraid of monsters at night might act. She doesn't think there is something trying to get her, she knows it. I also liked the prayer. It really brought the sense of hope and innocence out of the girl.
Um I gotta say this piece kind of frightened me. Usually, If I were to think of someone having no hands or a tongue, I would first think of the physical pain not the pain of being unable to relay himself to the world. I'm glad this notion was brought to the piece because it almost makes it more terrifying. I also enjoyed the use of repetition. It presented a clear image of the man as well as the cold lack of feeling his mutilators must have had when deforming him.
Cute concept I felt really bad for the fish. I felt it could have flowed better but I really enjoyed the story as well as the writing style. Its simplicity adds to its charm and it kind of reminds me of fables told long ago. I enjoyed this style very much.
I really liked that the poem had a build up of motion what with the increased action of the clouds and the environment. I got this feeling of stacking turmoil almost chaotic. I especially liked when that was dropped completely in the last line. This poem while it talks of an electric fast paced event the flow and word choice give it a sort of calm soothing presence well done.
I like the imagery of hot and cold. Also loved that while it had this gorgeous image of beauty the association to more mundane objects like hair and bone caused the vissage to lessen in value. It really it home the message of the story. I especially like that message btw, you may be pretty but that's all. Very sassy.
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