The imagery in this poem is just beautiful Harry. As always you've captured the moment perfectly! It reminded me so clearly of a scene I'd seen just like it flying into Thailand...that's what really made this come alive, the realism of it, while still seeming like a fantastical scene.
The dark skies toward the end of the poem created a great contrast and really brought me back to Earth. Kind of made me wish I could always live in the sky with a fluffy white view.
Being agnostic I struggled a little with this story. That however doesn't change the fact that it's a well written and original piece. The concept of a device of course is not new, but that factor that dogs know of god and perhaps know something we don't in relation to that was an ingenius stroke!
That language you used for Maury certainly suited his character, even defined him, I can't help thinking though, that I wouldn't want a device like that for some animals. I'm sure my sister's fox terrier would only say a litany of "Let's play, let's eat, let's play, let's eat." And no doubt my cat would talk down to me...I'd prefer not to hear him I think.
I think you made good use of the length you used and I especially liked the way you told the story through actions and memories from a certain moment rather than trying to retell the whole story on a timeline. This way is much more enjoyable to read.
I think if you fleshed this story out more it could make a huge impact, the only thing restricting it now, in my opinion, is the short length...this stops us from getting as attached to the characters.
That is a lovely message to be sending out to us all, the last stanza of your poem really brings the whole together and involves us personally.
Your imagery is beautiful, I especially liked the line about the light on the snow, it adds a real glow to the cold opening and makes a great transfer over to the warmth of the scene inside.
Great work and I look forward to seeing more like it.
The imagery of your poem is wonderful, you've really captured the moment of a summertime sunrise and given it incredible life of your own. The use of a Pleiades is a great choice and I'm really glad you didn't include and 'sh' combinations...I've seen that too oftne when people use an 's' and it completely spoils the effect.
I especially enjoyed the line Symphony wafts earthward,...that seems to truely capture the moment to me, I'll always remember it when I see a sunrise from now on.
I just love this jumble of sensations you've put together in your poem. They speak so much of the summertime experience and remind me so much of summer personally. most especially the sand as far as the eye can see.
You're poem has a great structure with a lovely rhyme that adds to the flow of the poem.
Your poem is rambly which I liked, it gives a quality that is very different to your poem...lack of structure certainly appeals to me in poetry. It seems like it speaks from the heart.
While I liked this aspect of your poem, the poem itself seemed to lack a purpose. For me it failed to really communicate the summertime feel which would have made up for this. I did enjoy the brief insight into your life though...the things you appreciate and general way you live was nice to see.
What a sweet love story. I loved the way you developed this story Kiya...I really wasn't sure where you were taking it at first, but it was fantastic to have such a sweet story to read.
I thought you left the story at a nice place. The promise of possibilities but no guarantees. It's a great ending for such a short piece. I was amazed the amount of background you fit in without boring me with recounts. Great work Kiya!
Oh I just love the message on this image...it's perfect for summer and just what I'm wishing for living in winter here in Australia. Your little character certainly reflects the message well and I love the little elements of summer you've included.
You've done a great job of putting the elements of your image together. They fit together well and beach balls especially look like they're floating on the water. Simply wonderful!
Oh Robin, I just love your sense of humour. This poem is skillfully done with a lovely twist to make me smile. The image of you singing, deliberately annoying your teenage daughter is such a riot. Reminds me of myself when I'm in class at school...deliberately being uncool to make my students groan.
Difference is the response, I love how your daughter joined in with the cheer, a beautiful image of a happy family at Christmas, enjoying each other. For me that will always be the true meaning of Christmas.
I'm teaching poetry at school at the moment. If it doesn't bother you, would you mind if I shared this poem with my students? I'm sure they'd get a kick out of it.
I really loved the internal monologue during this piece Robin, this view into your brain is wonderful and has a very good balance with positive and negative thoughts. I especially loved how you described yourself gaining confidence as Renee talked up how positive swapping would be.
The tension of the moment was really well communicated, I could feel the pressure and I really love the line about the long arm of the principal.
I spotted just one typo I shook my finger in her face and told her if she ad had any more bright ideas that she could keep
How mean that your sister so deliberately planned your torture...aren't sister frustrating! But you gotta love 'em!
I couldn't stop laughing while reading this simply fabulous piece...I would have just loved to have been a sepectator to this debate...I might have shook my head and walked away, but I'd have been laughing doing it!
You've really captured the language and personality of these people in a very short period of time, perhaps because these people are real it was easier, but I personally believe that can make it harder. The tone and actions are perfect to reinforce what everyone says.
BTW I thought the reasoning for getting Scooby were legitimate...but I'm with you...I've have choosen Spidey!
It is so nice to see the 3-5-3 form for a Haiku in someone else's port...it is the form I'm most familiar with and it was only here at WDC I discovered how rare it is!
Your first stanza communicates so much to me about what it is like to rely on sign...of course for you it isn't silent and the contrast between what is assumed by those who don't understand and those who rely on sign is fabulous.
Your second stanza is a wonderful metaphor for signing. It describes well what signing looks like, especially to those who don't understand it. I also liked the suggestion that one develops this more as they learn to sign...it is very well done.
The last stanza is more technical, but it rounds off this group of haikus well and is a good addition to the group.
Of course Haikus are meant to be used for describing nature, but all I can think is 'I don't care!'...you have quite a talent for writing poetry from what I can see.
What a very sad poem, but heartfelt and honest, showing the very real effects of divorce on kids.
Divorce is such a difficult issue, so many people think they know the best way to deal with it, but I think in the end there is no simple answer. I liked the fact that you poem didn't try to preach what would have been best. But simply showed the devastating effect of divorce, not the solution.
I thought the line about the 'lessened childhood' was a little vaguer than your usual poems. I can imagine several circumstances for this comment, but I think that ambiguity is great under the circumstances.
Thanks for sharing a great poem once again! GG
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/greengiraffe
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.13 seconds at 7:29pm on Jan 22, 2026 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
Puzzle Hub
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
And no doubt my cat would talk down to me...I'd prefer not to hear him I think. 
Mel.