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1
1
Review of Enduring Flame  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Ben Langhinrichs Author Icon

I am here to offer you the following "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. review for your poem: "Enduring Flame" Open in new Window..

Initial impressions: This poem is so romantic. It expresses a love which is so potent that it is never ending. The last line of the poem shows the reader that the love being shared between the two is so pure and undying that it has the strength to become eternal. I am usually not a fan of romance but your item has been written so beautifully that I cannot help but to be gripped by the content. *Smile*

Content: The rhyme you have used is fantastic. At no point does it falter instead it seems to get better and better as the item progresses. Your poem features descriptve words which help the reader to conjure a visual of the scene you are setting and the potency of the emotions you are expressing are hypnotic. I found both areas to be very thorough and striking. I did not find anything to be lacking. *Thumbsup*

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors but I am wondering why you have opted to use a capital letter at the beginning of each line? The overall presentation of the poem would benefit if you were not so rigid with your punctuation and allowed it to develop and flow naturally.

Suggestions for improvement: My only suggestion for improvement is to re-think your capitalization, besides this minor bump in the road your poem is faultless.

General comment: I very much enjoyed reading and reviewing your poem. It has imagery, emotion and above all, a meaning. What more could anyone ask for? Well done and write on.

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#1525013 by Not Available.
2
2
Review of The Warning  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Hyperiongate Author Icon

Congratulations on your recent nomination into "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" Open in new Window.. You were nominated by 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon to receive the H.G. Wells package. I am here to offer you the following review. *Smile*

I will begin this review by telling you the areas where I feel you excelled.
I think you did a wonderful job in implementing the three word prompt you were challenged to follow. I have often found that the prompt highlights itself because some people choose not to write their stories 'around' the prompt but 'stick' the prompt/s in the most awkward and rigid place within the content and the prompt loses its value.
The prompts are nestled very snug in your item and fit just right without drawing specific attention them.

The imagery you provide to the reader in regards to the beast is invaluable. Your desciptions were clear and vivid and I was able to get a very good grasp of its appearance and thank goodness because the beast was not at all ordinary or expected. *Bigsmile*

What I did not like about the story was the lack of clarity as to the core message you were attempting to send to the reader. The story feels like a work in progress as it does not feel complete. In regards to the fact you have only a 300 word count to work with, I suggest looking over your story again and eliminating anything within the content that is not imperative to the piece and using this new space to include a concrete finish.

There are a few areas that could use some improvement:

Line 7- Replace the word 'was' with 'were'.

Line 10- This line would read much smoother if you were to remove the word 'hugely'.

Lines 15 and 16- These lines are in need of an adjustment. They are very awkward and could be worded much better.

*Please keep in mind that only you know what is truly best for your creations.*

Thank you for allowing me to read your item. I hope my review is of some help to you. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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#1522315 by Riot Author IconMail Icon
3
3
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello SHERRI GIBSON Author Icon

I am here to give you review 2 of 3 that you will receive from me as part of the package you won in the 'Wishes Upon A Star Auction'. Thank you for bidding on my package. *Smile*

I like this poem a lot because I can relate to it as I am sure everybody on this site could. I like how you talk the reader, poetically, through the writing process, for example:

Fantasy or reality flows from mind to pen.

The words spew forth to be jotted upon the paper.

These lines in particular are so strong that they pretty much sum up the entire meaning of your poem. *Thumbsup*

My only suggestions for improvement are to punctuate the item and delve deeper into the content. When using etc... in the body of your poem it makes the item appear unfinished. Dive right in and express exactly what 'you' want to say. Don't sell it short by cutting it off.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I love the message you send to the reader in this poem and it was great to be a fly on the wall and watch 'your' writing process. Well done, Sherri. *Thumbsup*

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4
4
Review of IT LURKS  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello SHERRI GIBSON Author Icon

I am here to give you the first of three reviews you will receive from me as part of the package you won in the 'Wishes Upon A Star Auction'. Thank you for bidding on my package. *Smile*

Naturally, the darkness of the title drew me in. As you know, dark items are my passion/obsession so I just Had to take a peek at this. *Bigsmile*
The rhyme has been implemeted very well. I like the abab pattern because I feel it is balanced just right to achieve a nice and consistent melody and beat to your words in this poem.

I like the description of the green eyes. Green for me has many different and conflicting meanings. I usually associate green eyes with envy, evil characters, or many times, beauty. In this case you opted to travel down the dark path and I was more than happy to take the journey with you to see what was hiding in the shadows.

There are no errors in your item but I do encoursge you to add onto this. It ends very abruptly and I think if you were to insert at least two more stanzas to strengthen the 'story' within the poem, it would benefit greatly.

Thank you for allowing me to review this item. You have a talent for the darker genres and whilst ever you continue to dabble in them I will happily continue to read. *Smile*

Well done and write on, Sherri.

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5
5
Review of Sanctuary  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Euclid79 Author Icon

Congratulations on your recent nomination into the "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" Open in new Window.. You were nominated to receive an Ebb Love package for receiving a winning place in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. I am here to offer you the following review.

Initial impressions: I like this item because it is something I can relate to. If you can't be alone with your own thoughts then when can you be alone? I think majority of us find solace in our own thoughts and minds, especially writers because it is where the seeds of creation are sown.

Content: I feel the rhyme is letting you down in this item. Have you thought of writing this in free verse? It would give you more room to move around creatively and the lack of pattern would avoid boxing you in. Because this item is of a personal nature I think it would be best to experiment with the free verse and run with the wind. Write what you want to write not what the rhyme will allow you to place in a preceeding line.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors but your punctuation is in need of improvement.

Suggestions for improvement: Fiddle with some free verse to free up your expression and concentrate fiurther upon your punctuation. All of the periods have applied the brakes to any momentum you may have captured.

General comment: Excellent theme, great title and a message I think everyone here can relate to. Well done and write on!

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#1522315 by Riot Author IconMail Icon
6
6
Review of The Lost Journeys  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Euclid79 Author Icon

Congratulations on your recent nomination into the "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" Open in new Window.. You were nominated to receive an Ebb Love package for winning a place in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. I am here to offer you the following review.

Initial impression: I was quite taken with this poem. It has a haunting and forlorn tone of narration and there is a deep sense of regret with a hint of bitterness in the content. It gripped me and would not let go. *Thumbsup*

Content: I like the warning at the finale. A promise to always be there to remind others of what has come to pass. This vow carries the same weight as a curse. The past shall never remain behind the person but pushed into the future with them to wallow over. I thought this was fantastic.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies in the item.

Suggestions for improvement: I have only two suggestions for improvement and they are as follows:

1. Line 1- The words traveled and untraveled, although two separate words appear very similar and repetitive. I encourage you to change one of them to avoid further distraction.

2. The repetition of 'If you had...' is severe and hinders the potential of the poem. Fresh is best and I think your item would soar if you were to consider removing it.

General comment: If it were not for the small imperfections I would have rated this at a 5.0 without hesitation. I think it is fantastic and the message is one which allows the reader to ponder over it long after the item has been read. I would not hesitate in encouraging others to read this item. *Wink*
Well done and write on!

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#1522315 by Riot Author IconMail Icon
7
7
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Just call me Omni Author Icon

Congratulations on your recent nomination into the "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" Open in new Window.. You were nominated by very thankful Author Icon to receive the T.S Eliot package. I am here to offer you the following review.

Initial impression: This poem is absolutely hilarious. I love the tongue-in-cheek manner in which it is told. It is amazing what the smallest things can inspire. Just from a commercial look at what you were able to create.

Content: I like the rhyme because I feel it heightens the comical aspects and makes the item more jovial and carefree. My favorite part of the poem is:

You're quite the stud now.
getting laid every day.
Hope you are using protection
with each and every lay. *Bigsmile**Bigsmile*

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present.

Suggestions for improvement: I have no suggestions for improvement. I think the poem rocks!

General comment: I love the humor in the poem. The tongue-in-cheek tone of narration is hilarious. I bet you had a ton of fun writing this. Thanks for the laugh. You rock!
Write on.

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#1522315 by Riot Author IconMail Icon
8
8
Review of Cold Torture  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Noelle ~ TY Anon! Author Icon

Congratulations on your recent nomination into the "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" Open in new Window.. You were nominated by NickiD89 Author Icon to receive an Ebb Love package. I am here to offer you the following review. *Smile*

Initial impressions: Oh, I enjoyed this dark delight. Torture and revenge and completely justified. Well not the death but the torture was. LOL One thing that did not sit well with me was the fact that Kelly was left unscathed. Yes, she was her bestfriend and the motivation to punish her would have needed to be considerable but the fact she was in a position of trust surely would have heightened her rage and sadness. This was the only bump in the road for me.

Content: I like that you placed the reader directly amongst the action. It was not drawn out and I did not have to force myself to stay interested as it reached a point of interest and entertainment. It was quick and thoroughly exhilarating.

Errors/inconsistencies: I did happen to notice one small error and this occured on line 38- peeked should be peaked.

Suggestions for improvement: I encourage you to think over the role Kelly plays within your story. It does not seem natural that one would be punished while the other is spared for the same actions. Her resentment and bitterness towards Kelly should be more potent than she is feeling towards the husband.

General comment: An excellent story and I like the incorporation of the citrus acid. It was different and creative and made for some interesting and refreshing reading. Well done and write on!

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#1522315 by Riot Author IconMail Icon
9
9
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello very thankful Author Icon

Congratulations on your recent nomination into the "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" Open in new Window.. You were nominated by stacylynn71 and Kristi Author Icon to receive the Emily Bronte package. I am here to offer you the following review.

Initial impressions: This is an excellent foundation in which to build something better and more in-depth upon. The emotions you are atempting to express are emotions which should be potent, gripping and they should take hold of the reader as they have taken hold of the author. Further development is required for this to take place.

Content: After reading your poem it is coming across to me as an outline. Like when we draw a picture but leave it free of color until later. The basics (outline) is here but you need to fill in the gaps with some color (body) if you really want it to shine. *Smile*

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors but I do suggest you sprinkle your item with some punctuation as I could not see any at all.

Suggestions for improvement: Don't hold back on this one. It has so much potential to really grasp the reader and pull them into the depths of the content. Feed the obsession the author is expressing and in turn you will ignite an obsession within the reader to want to read it.

General comment: A good beginning and an awesome theme. A stronger body is needed and the holes within the foundation need some filling in. However, it is a good start. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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#1522315 by Riot Author IconMail Icon
10
10
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Euclid79 Author Icon

Congratulations on your recent nomination into the "Ink Blot Hall of Fame" Open in new Window.. You are receiving the following Ebb Love package for winning a place in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. I am here to offer you the following review. *Smile*

Initial impressions: Wow, this poem is so random. LOL I like poetry where the writer completely shuts down their mind to mechanics and allows it to roam free. Some interesting writing is born from this method as we are shown with your item.

Content: The content is strange and cryptic. It has been left wide open to the individual readers own interpretation and this is a good method of assuring a larger audience will like it.
After reading the item a number of times it becomes clear that you were still holding back and this was seen simply by the change of direction which your item took. You began trying to reign in the eclectic elements and this made the piece lose its edge.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors but I do caution you to keep a close watch on your punctuation.

Suggestions for improvement: Your poem is missing something and for the longest time I could not think of what it was but then it came to me from out of the blue. Your poem is in need of imagery. You are touching upon nature, the outdoors and its guests. All of the things it has to offer and yet we are 'told' this not 'shown' it. Get descriptive! *Smile*
Also, try to keep your lines as compact as possible. In doing so, you will create a consistent rhythm and flow through out the entire piece.

General comment: I like the randomness in the content and the lack of direction your item had at the beginning. I found this to be refreshing, interesting and certainly entertaining. It was a shame that you gathered it all in, I liked it the way it was. LOL
Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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11
11
Review of Dare To Be  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon

Thank you for your entry into "Rising Stars Shining Brighter" Open in new Window.. I am here to offer you a "Circle of Sisters" Open in new Window. review. *Smile*

Initial impressions: This is an endearing poem of beauty written not just for your daughter but for all women. You have a remarkable talent for selecting all of the perfect words to express something to its full potential.

Content: Your rhyme is fantastic and fits snug. At no point did I come across any areas where the rhyme felt rigid or forced. It was all smooth sailing.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies.

Suggestions for improvement: I noticed the first two sections were written in stanza format and the final two sections were written in verse form. This change in pattern was very noticeable and caused your flow to become a bit shaky. The flow may be improved upon if you were to either create 2 more lines for the stanzas or remove 2 lines from the verses so it all matches.

General comment: It is always a pleasure to read your writing. When sitting down to review you I always have high expectations as to what I will be presented with and you never let me down. Best of luck to you in the contest. *Thumbsup*

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#1215871 by Tornado Day Author IconMail Icon
12
12
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello ~WhoMe???~ Author Icon

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

Initial impressions: This poem is based on an addiction to coffee. After reading it in full, I found it to be a breath of fresh air. It was so different to the ordinary and mundane, plus we all know your love of coffee so I have no doubts this was written from the heart whilst you were sipping away. *Bigsmile*

Content: I like the rhyme you have used. It makes your poem feel more light-hearted and comical. I think you have portrayed what coffee has the ability to do very well. It inspires conversation, provides warmth, gives people a sense of comfort and rejuvenation...the list goes on.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors in your item.

Suggestions for improvement: Sprinkle your item with some punctuation.

General comment: A refreshing read which entices the reader into making one for themself. Well done and write on. *Smile*

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#1472983 by Not Available.
13
13
Review of Turning Fourteen  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Anti Author Icon

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

Initial impressions:Your poem is based upon turning 14 years of age but it is no ordinary poem. There is no elation nor celebration but a very deep melancholy in the content and this is not an emotion one would expect to see within a poem of this nature.

Content: You have written this poem using the couplet format. This is one of my favorite formats to use so you snared my attention immediately.

Errors/inconsistencies: I did happen to notice a few small imperfections in your poem and I will point them out to you as follows:

Line 1- the word 'ago' needs to be inserted after years.

Line 4- discover should be discovered. but should be that.

Line 7- Change then to since.

Line 8- in needs to be into.

Line 9- til needs another 'l'.


Suggestions for improvement: Correct the errors noted above. Keep your attention focused upon the rhyme. For the most part it is good and direct but in certain areas it feels rigid, forced and is indirect.

General comment: An interesting poem which allows the reader to see your emotional reflections. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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14
14
Review of Broken Wings  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Christina~Thanks StoryMaster Author Icon

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

Initial impressions: I feel there is a more intimate and profound meaning beneath the surface of this poem. Beauty in its most purest form is often stiffled by the attack of ugliness which transcends upon it. Freedom, is something which we all strive for, but do we ever really get it?

Content: I like the story within the poem. I felt like I was reading an old Aesop fable. *Smile* You have a real talent for taking your viewers on a journey with you, through your words.

Errors/inconsistencies: I found three areas I would encourage you to adjust:

Line 5- Remove the word sky and think of a different way to represent it. You have used the word 'sky' on the 3rd line and this is too close in succession.

Line 8- 'her' should be 'with'.

Line 9- second reference to 'what' should read as 'that'.

Suggestions for improvement: Make changes to the sections noted above. Keep a careful watch on repetition and branch out with your wordplay. It was too safe in this item.

General comment: Fantastic message but sadly with a melancholy outcome. The emotion in this poem is raw and kept me riveted to the screen. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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15
15
Review of The Game  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Shannon Author Icon

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

Initial impressions: I am literally lost for words and am not sure what to say. I am still trying to take it all in. I did not expect for this to be based on true events and my heart goes out to you that you had to experience something like this. I cannot imagine what it would be like.

Content: Again, your talents for writing are on clear display in this piece. You navigate the reader through these events one step at a time and with as much simplicity as possible.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in your item.

Suggestions for improvement: Suggestions for improvement are not required.

General comment: A sad and chilling true story. Thank you for sharing it with us all and I hope, in time, that these haunting memories become less potent. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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16
16
Review of The Promise  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Shannon Author Icon

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

Initial impressions: There is so much transition in your story. The beginning reads like a fairytale. Accounts of happy and fortunate times shared among the family begin the story.
These times are lost when Liliane's father loses his job as a banker and the family falls upon hard times. Just when the reader thinks there is a light at the end of the tunnel and the family's luck is about to change we are proven very wrong as the nightmare has only just begun.

Content: Your story has been written well and I like the rapid pace in which it has been delivered. The pace of the story is as rapid as the turn of events that inflict the family.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in the item.

Suggestions for improvement: My only suggestion for improvement is to enlarge the text. My vision is perfect yet I really strained to read this because it is so small.

General comment: The ending is so sad. You reveal the destination they have all been brought to and promptly end the story. This allows the reader's mind to fill with disturbing images of what will happen to them all.
Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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17
17
Review of Things Unseen  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello The Believer \ o / Author Icon

I am here to ffer you the following review on behalf of "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group" Open in new Window..

Initial impressions: Your poem is very spiritual and your faith bursts through the item as you attempt to encourage others down this righteous and fruitful path.

Content: The layout of the rhyme was very distracting because it kept converting from direct rhyme to indirect rhyme. AA rhyme to AB rhyme. It was too sporadic and made your item feel rushed. I will color it so you are able to see the pattern:

Stanza 1-
unseen
lean
understanding
demanding.

Stanza 2-
most
toast
life
strife

Stanza 3-
heart
start
hands
land (indirect rhyme)

Stanza 4-
troubles
fears
bubbles
tears

Stanza 5-
came
day
same
say

Stanza 6-
hand
land
sway
pray

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors but there is a severe lack of punctuation which requires some attention.

Suggestions for improvement: I encourage you to adjust the format of your rhyme to a pattern which is stronger and more consistent. I also suggest that you sprinkle your item with some punctuation to help stabalize the flow and pace of the piece.

General comment: Your poem delivers a very inspirational and enticing message to your viewers. You encourage, you do not preach and I like this about your item. You allow the reader to make up their own minds. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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#398524 by Writing.Com Support Author IconMail Icon
18
18
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello RatDog Author Icon

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group" Open in new Window.

Initial impressions: Your story is based upon an account of a strange yet comical encounter with a woman. You are recapping the story for your friend Mark who, after hearing the content of the story does not believe it happened.

Content: I thought this story was absolutely hilarious. Once the pick up lines started flying out of their mouths I was in hysterics. They were some of the most cheesy lines I have ever heard of and how they actually work for some people baffles me. If they were said to me, my laughter, I'm sure would deflate the ego of the person who was foolish enough to speak them. LOL

Errors/inconsistencies: I did happen to notice some errors in your item and they are as follows:

Line 1- A comma is needed after so.

Line 9- answers should be answer.

Line 13- You are missing the apostrophe from I'll.
your should be 'the'.

Line 15- let's should be let.


Suggestions for improvement: I encourage you to correct the errors noted above. I also suggest that you keep careful watch on repetitions which creep in. Your use of the word 'so' is very repetitive in this piece and your item would benefit if you were to weed it out.

General comment: A quip and hilarious story that I found very enjoyable to read. I would have no hesitations in recommending this story to others for viewing. Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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#398524 by Writing.Com Support Author IconMail Icon
19
19
Review of The Night  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Helping Hearts members page.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello very thankful Author Icon

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

Initial impressions: I am glad I stopped by to read this. I remember reviewing some other chapters of this series too and they were just as enjoyable. What I like the most about these stories is your ability to create an eerie atmospehere. Your characters are calculating and cunning and whilst the reader is fully aware they have bad intentions you tend to hide this sinister quality until the end when it is unleashed. This causes the reader to doubt their suspicions and in turn I am able to see why certain things would not be obvious to the character/victim which enters this Mississippi town.

Content: Your story gets right to the point and I like that because you do not leave me with enough aimless time to become bored and lose interest. I remember doing some of the images for these characters so it makes it very easy for me to picture their dark and gothic appearances.

Errors/inconsistencies: I found only a few small errors and they are as follows:

Line 77- mahagoney should read as mahogony.

Line 91- chained should be chain.

Suggestions for improvement: Correct the errors noted above.

General comment: Another good installment to an intriguing story. I enjoy watching all of your sadistic characters working together to get their victim. Their strange and haunting personalities keep me riveted in place as I watch them unfold. Well done and write on.

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20
20
Review of For Red  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Shannon Author Icon

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. *Smile*

Initial impressions: I can say with the upmost honesty that this is one of the best poems I have ever read in this category here at WDC. What an astounding poet you are, Shannon.

Content: A beautifully written poem of sentiment. A poem which is so exquisitely written that it denies the reader fear of passing, instead encouraging the person to believe that something better awaits them when it is their time.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in the item.

Suggestions for improvement: Perfection cannot be improved upon.

General comment: I am completely blown away by this item. It is truly a work of beauty. I have never read something which has made me want to gush so many praises, until now. Thank you for sharing such an amazing piece with us all here at WDC. It was a pleasure to read it.
Well done and write on. *Thumbsup*

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#1472983 by Not Available.
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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello ~WhoMe???~ Author Icon

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

Initial Impressions: I like this poem because it shows strength. The strength and courage to demand the best of those around you. No drama, no games, no manipulations. Straight shooters and nothing more. Many friendships would not be in jeopardy of crumbling if this consideration was shown on occasion.

Content: The content is as direct as the message. You say what needs to be said and nothing more. Each line is compact and tight and of significance. You have captured a good flow in this piece. *Thumbsup*

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors nor are there any inconsistencies present in the item.

Suggestions for improvement: I have only one suggestion for improvement: Line 13- A space is required after the comma featured after 'Me'.

General comment: A well written poem with a strong message. I like the ferocity of the expectations you have in this piece. I was riveted.
Well done and write on.

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22
Review of Do Not Enter  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello ~WhoMe???~ Author Icon

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

Initial impressions: I sincerely like this dark little treasure which touches upon the murkiness which dwells within the mind. Positive thoughts are always raging against negative ones. I find it hard to believe one can exist without the other, afterall, that is what 'balance' is supposed to be about. As a dark writer, I was drawn to this item immediately.

Content: I like the rhyme in this poem. You have balanced it perfectly and I found it to be striking. For me, the rhyme seemed to take the ominous edge off the item. It went from demonic to just inky.

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible errors present in your item nor are there any inconsistencies.

Suggestions for improvement: My only suggestion for improvement is to re-think your use of the word 'not'. It is featured very heavily in the piece and in certain sections the placing of the word has made these areas rigid and bumpy to follow.

General comment: A dark delight which features amazing rhyme and a menacing tone of narration. Well done and write on.

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#1472983 by Not Available.
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23
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Anti Author Icon

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

Initial impressions: Your poem is based upon a yearning to be free of the classroom environment so you are able to use this time to appreciate other things. I remember this feeling quite well, looking out the window on a nice day imagining all the things I could have been doing if it were the weekend only to have the teacher divert my attention back to the board. *Smile*

Content: Your poem has been written very well. By using compact and distinct lines you have captured a strong and consistent flow and pace within your poem, which did not for a moment miss a beat. This aspect of your poem was most definitely the highlight for me. Exceptional!

Errors/inconsistencies: There are no visible grammatical errors in your poem nor are there any inconsistencies present.

Suggestions for improvement: I have two suggestions for improvement:

Line 7- I believe a comma is needed after 'cries'.
and
I would encourage you to consider adding some further imagery to this item. The use of outdoor imagery will manipulate your readers into also yearning for freedom along with you.

General comment: Fantastic pace and flow, and your rhyme in this item is equally as good. Your talent for writing is on clear display to all who take the time to read this poem. Well done and write on!

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#1472983 by Not Available.
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24
Review of My Valentine  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello Anti Author Icon

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

Initial impressions: Wow...this is such a superficial poem and I mean that in the best way possible because it seems that is what you were aiming for.
The central message within the poem is that the character is not returning the feelings being lavished upon him by the female character. There is a reversal within this poem: It seems the intention is to make the female character look bad because of her shallowness when in fact it is the male character who looks completely ridiculous and indecent. This was a good twist within the roles.

Content: Your poem has been written in free verse which I feel is appropriate because it has allowed you more room to move creatively. The male character is intriguing to watch unfold and I was mesemrized by the fact your item has been rated in the romance genre. The only way this item is related to this genre is by the fact the male character is obviously in love with himself. His superficial persona and dislike of anything pure and wholesome, in turn, distances him from reality. His willingness to admit people care for him because of his 'cool' clothes and stature of popularity makes him look like a self-centered, condescending fool but...it makes him more interesting to watch. *Wink*

Errors/inconsistencies: I did happen to notice a small error in the content of your poem:

Line 14- availble should read as available. On this line, the speech marks you have used need to be replaced with quotation marks as it is a reference not a direct communication.

Suggestions for improvement: Correct the errors noted above. I also encourage you to keep close watch on the length of your poetic lines. Some of them are very large in length and read lethargically. This has a negative impact upon the overall flow of your poem. Short and direct is always best for a crisp, melodic pace.

General comment: I enjoyed reading this. The immaturity of the character shows an essence of youth and took me straight back to the dramatic days of my own school years.
Well done and write on.

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25
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Steven A Clayberg Author Icon and welcome to WDC!

I am here to offer you the following review on behalf of "Rising Stars of WdC" Open in new Window.. *Smile*

I liked this item. It was funny, entertaining and reminded me of times I have experienced myself. I like the rhyme you have used in the item. It heightens the comical aspects of the poem and allows your sense of humor to shine through.

I encourage you to keep close watch on the length of your lines. In keeping them as identical as possible, you ensure the piece will have good flow and pace. Besides this, everything is in working order and error free. *Thumbsup*

Well done, write on and I hope you enjoy the time you spend here at WDC.

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