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1,747 Public Reviews Given
1,900 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I would characterise my reviews as honest and polite. I try to approach each item as a writer and a reader. I keep writingML to a minimum as it is distracting to me. I am starting to experiment with templates, having never really used one before now -- please bear with me while I try to find one that suits my review style! I always try to be constructive, positive and encouraging in my reviews.
I'm good at...
Reviewing poetry, focusing on emotion, flow and imagery. I have a particular passion for short poetry.
Favorite Genres
Dark, Emotional, Experience, Nature, Personal, Psychology
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Religious, Sci-fi, Supernatural, Young Adult
Favorite Item Types
I prefer, and am most confident, reviewing poetry. But I do sometimes review short stories, essays and articles etc.
I will not review...
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Young Adult fiction, novels or novel chapters (unless I know you very well!), horror items rated above 18+ (though I am happy to review other genres with higher ratings), anything featuring vampires, anything written in "text speak" or any non-static or non-book items (except in special circumstances).
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Whispers Of The Soul: Group & ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello 👼intueyLet Your Light Shine Author Icon,

I am judging round 5 of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Thank you for your entry.

Opening Thoughts

I found this to be an intense and emotional poem that seems to be about someone suffering from a deep depression. I struggle with depression myself so I could really connect to the message of this poem. The narrator seems to be feeling completely stuck and despairing of life and I think you have done a good job of conveying these feelings. The emotional elements of this poem are very strong, in my opinion.

Use of prompt

The prompt for round 5 was to write a poem on any theme, in the Rondeau form. The Rondeau has fifteen lines and three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a sestet. The rhyme scheme is as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR (lines 9 and 15 are short - a refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one). The other lines are longer but all of the same metrical length -- for this round you were asked to write in tetrameter.

I feel that you have done an excellent job with the form requirements. You have successfully used a quintet, a quatrain and a sestet and the use of tetrameter is spot-on -- good job with this. The rhyme scheme is very strong. I'm not sure about the use of the word "route" because this doesn't rhyme with shout/doubt etc but I'm wondering if this is just down to my accent! Perhaps this word does rhyme in your accent!

I think you have chosen a really strong phrase for your refrain -- it is powerful and full of emotion. I'm not entirely sure if it works at the end of the final stanza though, which feels more positive to me, whereas the refrain feels quite negative. But I suppose the hope mentioned in the last stanza can also become "trapped within". So I'm on the fence about this at the moment!

Grammar and Wording

I'm not an expert on grammar but things mostly seem fine to me as far as I can tell. Regarding punctuation, in the third line I believe "its'" should be "its", without the apostrophe -- I have never seen an apostrophe used in this way for this word and I can't think of any situation where it would be used like this. I believe it is grammatically incorrect and a quick google search seems to confirm this. But please let me know if you know differently! Also, still on the subject of punctuation, a full stop (period) is needed at the end of the final line in the opening stanza.

With the syntax and wording, again things mostly seem fine to me but I am unsure of the first line of the second stanza. Can words scream and shout, or are they screamed and shouted? The wording of this line doesn't feel correct to me because it reads as if the words themselves are doing the screaming and shouting. I would suggest finding a way to rephrase this part.

Poetic Devices and Flow

The main poetic device that stuck out to me when reading this poem is alliteration -- I think you have made great use of this and it helps to give the poem a strong and distinct sound when read aloud. I particularly like "debris of doubt" in the first stanza. I noticed some assonance usage too and I love the sound of the phrase "circles swirling". There is some use of both personification and metaphor too.

The flow is great. I think you have done a good job with the metre and have varied it a bit too, so the rhythm doesn't become predictable or boring. The poem trips very nicely off the tongue when read aloud. I like the use of a comma after the word "trapped". Although this isn't strictly necessary, it slows the pace and causes the reader to pause after this word, perhaps to savour or reflect on it, and I think this is quite effective.

Emotion and Imagery

I can definitely feel the emotion of this poem. Emotion is very important to me when reading poetry and I like to be able to engage with the material on a emotional level. I feel I can do that with this piece as I can really connect to the feelings of despair and depression conveyed. I know what it is like to feel so trapped. I really feel for the narrator. I like that the tone of the poem shifts from hopeless to hope-filled in the last stanza -- I found this part of the poem inspiring.

I enjoyed the imagery in this piece. The idea of a soul buried under the "debris of doubt" is very strong, as are vicious circles swirling etc. The image of a white horse as a symbol of hope or dreams is very nice.

Message and Theme

The themes of depression, despair and then hope come through very strongly and are easy to engage with. I feel that the poem has a strong message that darkness will change to light and things can get better. I like the way you conveyed this. Sometimes it just takes time and a shift in perspective. The message of this poem gives me hope that I can overcome my own depression.

Creativity

It is extremely hard to write an original poem on this subject but I feel there is a degree of creativity in this poem and the abundance of poetic device really helps with this, making the poem active and concrete. I would suggest watching out for clichés, which I will acknowledge are hard to avoid in poetry of this nature. But words like "broken", "shattered" and "pain" etc are used so often in this type of poetry so it might be a good idea to try and find fresh ways of conveying these things.

Closing comments and rating

Overall I think this is a strong poem and I enjoyed reading it. For those reasons, and because I have pointed out a few areas that I am either unsure of or feel could use some work, I am rating this piece 4 stars. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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2
2
Review of Insomnia  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Whispers Of The Soul: Group & ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon,

I am judging round 5 of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Thank you for your entry.

Opening Thoughts

I found this to be a strong poem about being unable to sleep. I know you chose the comedy genre for this piece, and I could detect a note of humour in it, but for me insomnia is a serious subject! I have suffered with insomnia for many years now so I know just how soul-destroying it can be. Therefore, I really connected with the emotion of this piece and could feel the narrator's desperation as he pleads with Morpheus, the god of dreams, to help him drift off.

Use of prompt

The prompt for round 5 was to write a poem on any theme, in the Rondeau form. The Rondeau has fifteen lines and three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a sestet. The rhyme scheme is as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR (lines 9 and 15 are short - a refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one). The other lines are longer but all of the same metrical length -- for this round you were asked to write in tetrameter.

I think you have done a great job with the form, of course. I would expect no less from you, Ken -- I know you know your stuff! I feel that perhaps you have taken some liberties with the rhyme scheme, but then again, this may just be a difference in pronunciation due to different accents. But for me, "ballade" and "façade" don't rhyme with each other or fit the rest of the rhyme scheme. I must confess I don't know how to pronounce "aubade" -- I had not come across this word before reading your poem so I am glad you left a definition underneath (saves me having to google it! *Wink*)

The use of tetrameter is spot-on though you have used some words which are perhaps "syllabically" dubious (I'm not sure if that's a word!), for example "finally" and "hours". I don't think these impact negatively on the rhythm though, whichever way they are read.

I think you have made great use of the refrain. The phrase "Oh, Morpheus" works so well repeated throughout, as a plea to the god of dreams is the essence of the poem. I like the emotion of the refrain.

Grammar and Wording

There are no problems with the grammar and wording as far as I can tell. Everything reads as it should and I think you have made good use of punctuation to guide the reader through the poem. The only thing that stuck out to me was the phrase "ovation filled" -- you could perhaps hyphenate this, but I don't know if that is strictly necessary. There is some syntax inversion, which doesn't really appeal to my personal taste, but I think it works quite effectively in a poem like this, where Greek mythology is evoked. It just fits the tone somehow.

Poetic Devices and Flow

I think you have made great use of several poetic devices. Having recently had Morpheus appear in one of my own poems, I enjoyed and appreciated the allusion to Greek mythology. I also enjoyed your use of personification ("hours creep", "sleep's death-like facade" for example). I think you have made good use of (subtle) alliteration -- I particularly like "song of sleep". The assonance is very effective too -- I like how "please" sounds with sleep/sheep in the first stanza and also how found/count sound, with each placed as the second word in their respective lines. I like to spot sound patterns like this in poetry!

The flow in the first two stanzas is perfect to me -- the poem trips along beautifully and is fun to read aloud. I had problems with the rhythm in the third stanza. The metre isn't as smooth here, in my opinion and the fifth line of this stanza seems to have too many stressed beats, making it quite difficult to say. I really like what you are saying in this stanza, but it doesn't read as smoothly to me as the rest of the poem. So this may be an area to focus on if you chose to work on this piece some more or if you get similar feedback from other readers.

Emotion and Imagery

I think there is a lot of emotion here. As I said earlier on in this review, the topic of insomnia is a sensitive one for me, so I could really engage and connect with this piece on an emotional level. This is very important to me when reading poetry -- I need to feel something. This poem made me feel empathy with the narrator and it also made me reflect on my own experience with insomnia. I could relate to the "pleading" tone of the poem. So many times I have found myself pleading to be allowed to sleep (I'm not sure to who!)

The imagery is very strong and I think you have made great use of "sound imagery" -- "applaud", "song of sleep" and the references to sonnets etc in the third stanza for example.

Message and Theme

The theme definitely comes through very strongly -- I am in no doubt that this is a poem about insomnia! There isn't a particular message, but it isn't that kind of poem.

Creativity

I feel that there is a lot of creativity in this poem. Insomnia is a common theme in poetry, of course, but I think your approach to this subject is quite fresh. The use of Morpheus helps with this -- adding a character to the poem was a good choice and allows the emotion to be conveyed more strongly because the narrator is pleading with an "entity". This just helps to make things less abstract, which is good!

Closing comments and rating

Overall I think this is a great poem and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I am rating it 4.5 stars for those reasons, and because I feel there is a slight issue with the rhythm in the third stanza. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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3
3
Review of Muse  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Whispers Of The Soul: Group & ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Another Thing To Dust Author Icon,

I am judging round 5 of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Thank you for your entry.

Opening Thoughts

I found this to be a sweetly written poem that seems to be about the source of your inspiration, or that of the narrator's, anyway. It is not clear to me whether the narrator's muse is an actual person or perhaps somebody they have made up in their mind, but either way, this reads as a very touching love poem. I think anyone who has been in love will be able to relate to this piece.

Use of prompt

The prompt for round 5 was to write a poem on any theme, in the Rondeau form. The Rondeau has fifteen lines and three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a sestet. The rhyme scheme is as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR (lines 9 and 15 are short - a refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one). The other lines are longer but all of the same metrical length -- for this round you were asked to write in tetrameter.

You have met some of the form requirements, but not all of them. You have successfully used a quintet, quatrain and sestet and each line (barring the refrain) contains 8 syllables as specified for this round -- good job with these specifications.

However, there is an error with the rhyme scheme. Again, barring the refrain, the Rondeau only contains two rhymes -- lines one, two, five, six, seven, ten, eleven and fourteen should all rhyme with each and then lines three, four, eight, twelve and thirteen should rhyme with each. The lines used in the refrain do not need to rhyme. In order for this to be a true Rondeau, you would need to fix the rhyme scheme.

There is also an error with the use of a refrain. The refrain should be taken from the first line. Usually the first half of the first line is used but if this doesn't work, it is permissible to repeat the whole of line one as a refrain. One way of fixing this would be to find a way shift the first stanza around a bit so you can use the final line of this verse as the opening line -- then this would fit the form requirements.

Grammar and Wording

The grammar seems fine to me though I wouldn't profess to being an expert in this area! When it comes to punctuation, the only thing I would change is the semicolon at the end of the third line in the final stanza -- I personally feel that a colon would work much better here to tie these two lines together.

The wording and syntax mostly seems fine to me though some lines, for example line eight, feel contrived as they have been twisted unnaturally to fit the rhyme scheme. This doesn't appeal to my personal taste but it seems to fit the whimsical, almost quaint tone you have built up in the poem. I'm kind of torn as to whether or not I feel it works!

Poetic Devices and Flow

You have used lots of poetic devices in this poem to great effect -- I love the use of metaphor. The idea that a person can be "every tale ever told" is lovely and evocative. You have used alliteration well too -- it is quite subtle which makes it sound natural, helping to give the poem a strong and distinct sound and flow. Speaking of the flow, this poem mostly trips along beautifully, in my opinion, and I love the way it reads when read aloud, but I have an issue with the opening line of the second stanza. The meter seems to falter here and I am wondering if there is a way to rephrase this so it reads more smoothly. The only thing I can come up with off the top of my head is:

         The books I write will tell each breath

Or share each breath? Something like that! I'm sure you could come up with something if you agree with my point.

Emotion and Imagery

I think you have done a fine job with both the emotion and imagery. I can feel the love behind every word in this piece -- the narrator is clearly completely enamoured of this person who inspires them so much and it is beautiful to read and share in. This poem makes me reflect on how it feels to love so much and be so loved -- I am lucky enough to know what both are like and I think you have done a wonderful job of capturing those feelings. The emotions spills over the stanzas of this poem, but it never feels too much and it doesn't feel fake or forced.

There are some beautiful images and descriptions in this poem too -- I particularly like the image of the gold-flecked eyes in the opening lines.

Message and Theme

I interpreted the theme to be inspiration and the message to be love -- these come through very clearly and are easy to connect to. The narrator seems to be addressing someone they love dearly and their love for this person inspires them, fuelling their writing. It must be wonderful to have such a muse! I almost feel jealous!

Creativity

I feel there is a lot of creativity in this poem. The idea that a person can be such an inspiration that the very essence of them imbues everything the other person writes is striking and conveyed in a touching and original way. I have read hundreds and hundreds of love poems and am pleased to say that this one sticks out positively to me. I am impressed that you have managed to explore a common theme in such a striking and stirring way. This is no mean feat!

Closing comments and rating

Overall this is a wonderful poem but I am finding it difficult to rate! I very much enjoyed this piece and feel that it is wonderfully written. However, I am judging a contest with a prompt and unfortunately you didn't quite meet the requirements of the prompt. Therefore I think it is fair to give a rating of 4 stars to reflect my enjoyment of the poem, and also the errors with the form. The writer/judge in me feels that these errors should be fixed to make a true Rondeau. But the reader in me feels strongly that you shouldn't fix it! Perhaps leave this piece and have a second attempt at the Rondeau form! Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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4
4
Review of Dream Cottage  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Whispers Of The Soul: Group & ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Koyel~writing again Author Icon,

I am judging round 5 of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Thank you for your entry.

Opening Thoughts

I found this to be a descriptive, rather mysterious poem that seems to be about a dream. Although the poem is called "Dream Cottage", we are actually given a description of a picturesque scene where the only building mentioned is a castle. This was confusing to me -- I don't understand why you have chosen the title you have because it doesn't match the content of the poem.

Use of prompt

The prompt for round 5 was to write a poem on any theme, in the Rondeau form. The Rondeau has fifteen lines and three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a sestet. The rhyme scheme is as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR (lines 9 and 15 are short - a refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one). The other lines are longer but all of the same metrical length -- for this round you were asked to write in tetrameter.

You have met some of the requirements for this form, but not all of them. You have successfully used a quintet, quatrain and seset. You have mostly used tetrameter, as was specified as part of the prompt, but I counted nine syllables in the opening line and also the first line of the third stanza. I don't have any specific suggestions to fix this right now but I don't think it would be too difficult to cut a syllable from each of these lines if you feel it is necessary.

The rhyme scheme doesn't work, I'm afraid. The words you have chosen for the "a" words do not rhyme with each other and this impacts negatively on how the poem reads, in my opinion. The Rondeau has a very restrictive rhyme scheme, which gives it a distinct rhythm and sound, making it quite lyrical. To make this a true Rondeau, I feel you need to use true rhymes throughout. The "b" rhymes, however, are strong.

I like the phrase you chose for the refrain. It is simple but effective, adding to that dreamlike aura of the poem. It is quite ethereal and I like how it beckons the reader further into the poem.

Grammar and Wording

I'm not an expert in the area of grammar but things mostly seem fine to me here. However, I feel the last stanza could use some work because this part doesn't seem to read correctly. I think the word "is" is needed after "which" and that a comma is needed after "babble" in the previous line to connect these parts together. Otherwise, the way it currently reads doesn't really make sense and I had trouble getting my thoughts around it.

I mostly enjoyed the wording of this poem, but the opening line of the middle stanza feels contrived to me. This feels more natural to say "ample dreams" rather than "dreams ample", so I would suggest working on this line and trying to find a way to make it read more naturally.

Poetic Devices and Flow

You have used a lot of consonance, in place of rhyme, which I think can be a good effect, but it doesn't work in the Rondeau with its strict rhyme scheme (as mentioned above). There is some subtle alliteration, which I think is effective -- for example, "holding", "hopes" and "high" in the first stanza, "lake" and "lies" in the second and "choked" and "chortle" in the final stanza. I like the subtle use of assonance too, particularly the sound of "lies" with "nearby" in the middle stanza.

The poem flows quite nicely but I feel the rhythm could be improved by following the rhyme scheme correctly.

Emotion and Imagery

I personally don't get a lot of emotion from this poem. To me it is just a description of a dream and I feel quite disconnected from it as it holds no meaning for me.

However, I think you have done a fine job with the imagery. This is a real strength of the poem and I could picture the tranquil scene quite clearly. I enjoyed many of your descriptions, particularly "scapes of greenery", which is very striking, and also "cerulean sky". I enjoyed the "sound imagery" too, with words like "emanate", "babble" and "chortle" conveying cheerful sounds to the reader. I feel that although the scene described is peaceful, it certainly isn't silent and the subtle sounds of nature can be heard.

Message and Theme

The theme is nature and I think you have used this well. I'm not sure what the message of this poem is. It seems to be about a dream but the meaning of the dream is not conveyed. Or if it is, I missed it! The narrator urges the reader to "come with" them, but it isn't clear why. To share in the dream? Why?

Creativity

I'll be honest here, the poem is nice but it lacks depth and doesn't have that elusive "spark" to make it stand out from other poems like this. The themes of "dreams" and "nature" are used often so it is important to find new ways to explore them if you want your poem to rise about the generic. I feel like I have read this piece before because nothing new has been offered here. To make this poem more creative, I would suggest working on the message of it. What do you want this poem to say? What is the point of it? I feel that would be a good starting point.

Closing comments and rating

Overall I think this is a nice poem but it could use some work to make it a great one. I am rating it 3.5 stars because of this and also because I feel some areas need work, such as the rhyme scheme. Thank you for sharing your poem. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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5
5
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Shawlyn Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

Opening Thoughts

I found this to be an interesting story about a young woman who feels she doesn't have a lot to live for because she is constantly ignored and overlooked by others. It seems she regards herself as quite boring and finds life quite boring too... that is until she finds herself in an extreme situation! I very much enjoyed the plot of this story and I liked the development of the character Talia. I do, however, feel some parts of this story need work, but I'll get to that later in the review.

Contest prompt

         Put your character into a situation that changes his/her life in a significant way. Show the reader through your story that this event is a pivotal moment for the character.

I think you have done a good job with the contest prompt. We meet Talia when she is feeling very down about life and planning to commit suicide. She seems to be tired of being overlooked all the time and I think maybe she feels that there is little point to her existence. I really loved your description of her here (though I think a comma would be more suitable than a semicolon):

         I’m like a shadow; with people and events moving around me and not with me

This part is quite striking and I think it beautifully conveys how alone and out of place Talia feels. I really felt for her.

Then Talia gets caught up in a bank robbery, which serves as a pivotal moment for her, allowing her to be strong, assertive and in control for once. I enjoyed this development and your depiction of how this event impacts on the character afterwards. I enjoyed the positive ending and feel satisfied that Talia will be able to go on and live a happier and fulfilling life. Sometimes it takes an extreme experience to show us that life is precious. I love the last sentence of your story.

Additional comments

As I said at the beginning of this review, I enjoyed the plot of this story on the whole but a couple of things struck me as implausible. Firstly, while I like the idea of the opening, it does seem a bit too far-fetched. I mean, how can a person be that forgettable? I'm afraid I just didn't believe this. Secondly, when Talia is on the phone to the police, I found it very hard to believe that the robbers wouldn't be right there, listening to everything she says. They have put themselves in a situation where it is vital they stay in complete control so why would they allow a stranger to communicate with the police on their behalf and then not listen in? This was stretching things a bit much for me. I would suggest working on both these points I have raised, especially if you get similar feedback from other reviewers.

Also, there are a few areas where I feel the writing could use some work. There seems to be some confusion with the tense of the story, particularly near the beginning. For example, Talia's introduction is in the present tense and she talks about her plans in the present tense and this all seems to be taking place before the bank robbery. But this doesn't really work because she then goes on to talk about the events in the bank as if they happened earlier. Do you see what I'm saying? It doesn't read smoothly or correctly. So I would suggest working on this and perhaps changing everything to the past tense.

I noticed another error with the tense here:

         I moved out of the line and headed towards the door. I didn't need this. I’ll just leave and use the automatic teller down the street.

The last sentence here is in the wrong tense but you can easily fix this by doing something like this:

         I thought to myself, I'll just leave and use the...

Or alternatively:

         I thought I'd try to leave and use the...

I also noticed several errors so feel this story could benefit from a careful edit. Please click the dropnote to see the things I spotted:

Errors/typos ▼

Overall I think this story has a lot of potential and I did enjoy it so I am rating it 3.5 stars for those reasons and because I have pointed out a few things that I feel need some attention. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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6
6
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello THANKFUL SONALI Library Class! Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

Opening Thoughts

What a great story! I thoroughly enjoyed it. I really like the character Sanvi -- she seems like a good person, but she has her flaws as well, of course, and that makes it easy to relate to her. Her motivations and behaviour throughout the story were easy to understand and very believable. I think you did an excellent job with the development of this character and I like the different phases she goes through.

Contest prompt

         Put your character into a situation that changes his/her life in a significant way. Show the reader through your story that this event is a pivotal moment for the character.

I love how you have used the prompt. So many people have put their characters into dramatic, serious and tragic situations but you have shown how even something small can have a big impact and serve as a pivotal moment in a person's life. Boo-boo's throwaway comment really seems to hit a nerve, perhaps highlighting to Sanvi her failings when it comes to relationships and making her reflect on how dissatisfied she is with life. It seems like Sanvi doesn't have much self-esteem and so the comment eats away at her, making her angrier and angrier. I really liked your depiction of this anger bubbling up inside her. I'm not surprised she wants to get her own back and although I felt sad that she would consider doing something so immoral, I can completely understand why she wants to do it.

Additional comments

I really enjoyed how the story developed and I love the ending, where Sanvi's talk with her father makes her realise that she doesn't want or need to continue down the path she is currently taking. I like the idea that one small comment can be so significant and change a person so much and in different ways. At first it changed Sanvi in a negative way but she soon realises this and makes a conscious decision to change again, improving herself as a person. The ending is very satisfying as I get the sense that Sanvi is going to be a lot happier in the future with her new-found health and hopefully confidence too. I like how she comes to the realisation that some of the things her friends were making fun of her for are actually good qualities that she should feel proud of.

Overall I think this is a wonderful story -- it is well written, the plot is excellent and the central character is realistic and easy to connect to. I have no suggestions to make so am rating this 5 stars. Thank you for sharing your work -- I'm truly glad I read this one!

~Jess.

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7
7
Review of Freefall  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Moarzjasac Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

Opening Thoughts

This is a very gripping story but I can't exactly say I enjoyed it because it is so sad! I found it to be very intense and emotional but I failed to see why the narrator loves Dolores so much -- I thought she was horrible to hold his infertility against him. I mean, it's not like that's something he can control!

Contest prompt

         Put your character into a situation that changes his/her life in a significant way. Show the reader through your story that this event is a pivotal moment for the character.

I feel that you have used the prompt well. The narrator has already experienced a pivotal moment in finding out that he will not be able to father a child and this has obviously had a big impact on him, changing his life significantly. Since finding out it would seem that Dolores and the narrator's relationship has broken down, with Dolores feeling resentment towards her husband because he cannot give her the one thing she wants more than anything. This is a heartbreaking situation but I have to say, I felt very little sympathy for Dolores because of how hateful she was. I also had a hard time believing someone could be so cruel and it isn't clear to me why Dolores won't even consider the other options available to them when it comes to having children.

Then the narrator has another pivotal moment in which he decides to do something incredibly drastic to ensure his wife's happiness. This was pretty shocking and I didn't see it coming.

Additional comments

I think the writing is very strong here and the story is nicely paced. I liked your use of description and I think you have done a good job of conveying the narrator's emotional state. I really felt for him. However, the ending frustrated me a lot because I couldn't believe he would do something so drastic for someone as horrible as Dolores. Therefore I didn't feel sad for him, just angry that he could be so stupid and annoyed that someone like Dolores is now free to live a happy life with her new baby and all that money! I personally think it would be a good idea to tone down the wife's hostility or to show us in more detail just why the narrator loves her so much because right now it is very hard to understand why he does what he does.

Overall I think this is an interesting story but the plot was just a little too implausible for me. Therefore I am rating it 4 stars. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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8
8
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

Opening Thoughts

I found this to be a tightly written, nicely paced story about someone who has been left reeling after the death of their friend and mentor. I'm not a huge fan of Sci-Fi but when it is as gentle and absorbing as this, I can definitely get on board! The details of the other planets and different alien races were woven easily and naturally into the story, so I didn't feel like I needed to work hard to build up an understanding of your created universe -- it was very easy to follow.

Contest prompt

         Put your character into a situation that changes his/her life in a significant way. Show the reader through your story that this event is a pivotal moment for the character.

I think you have used the prompt quite well. We join Joshua as he identifies the body of his former mentor and then spends times reflecting on their friendship and what he learned from Card. Obviously this is a significant moment for Joshua and I think you have done a nice job of conveying his grief. You have handled the flashbacks well and I like how you showed us the relationship between the two characters, rather than just telling us about it. I enjoyed reading the moment Card and Joshua met -- this scene is full of life and helped me to get a greater sense of both characters. They seem to have a lot in common, both being somewhat roguish and not afraid to resort to cheating!

However, I would have liked an even greater sense of how Card's death is going to impact on Joshua. It seems like he has decided to follow in Card's footsteps, but I feel like he was already doing that anyway so it doesn't feel as if things will change in any significant way for him. I just feel the ending could be expanded a bit.

Additional comments

As I said previously, the pacing of this story is very good and I was swept through from start to finish without stumbling once -- that doesn't happen often for me because of my short attention span! The plot is interesting, the characters feel real and the writing is strong. I enjoyed the philosophy in the paragraph near the end about life being an endless shuffle -- this is an interesting way to view things. I also enjoyed your use of description, particularly this part:

         A couple from Rigel, their dark hides dotted with starlight,

They sound intriguing!

Overall I think you have done a great job with this story. I am rating it 4.5 stars for that reason and because I pointed out one area I feel could use a little attention. But I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story! Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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9
9
Review of The Burning  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello JulianBenabides Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

Opening Thoughts

I found this to be an emotionally intense story about a man who gets injured in a war and the impact this has on his life. War stories do not usually engage me but I found this one quite interesting, nicely paced and well written, though the character remained rather indistinct to me. I didn't feel connected to him and I didn't feel like I got to know him very well.

Contest prompt

         Put your character into a situation that changes his/her life in a significant way. Show the reader through your story that this event is a pivotal moment for the character.

I think you have used the contest prompt effectively. The narrator gets injured in a war situation and of course this is going to be a significant moment in his life. Although this it isn't stated in the story, I get the sense that Ezra is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It seems that he often gets intrusive thoughts about things he has seen and it also seems like he finds it difficult to talk about certain things. I was curious about his relationship with his family and wanted more detail on what happened here. It was rather frustrating to be told he no longer speaks to his family but not to be given a reason, or even an inkling, as to why things have worked out this way.

I learned some facts about Ezra in this story -- he's a writer, there is someone special in his life named Jen, he has a family etc, but I didn't get a strong sense of what kind of person he is. He doesn't feel very clear to me and so I felt disconnected from him. You might disagree with this, but if you get similar feedback from other reasons it might be worth working on Ezra's characterisation and development a bit.

Additional comments

I think you handled the action scenes well and conveyed the horror of the situation without being overly graphic. I also think you have done an excellent job of conveying Ezra's health problems without explicitly stating what they are. The paragraph beginning "I’ve taken a lot of pills since the attack..." is excellent and I love the way you have described how intrusive, traumatic thoughts cannot just be brushed aside or fixed.

Overall I think this is a strong story and I enjoyed reading. I am rating it 4.5 stars because of this and because I mentioned a couple of things that didn't work so well for me. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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10
10
Review of THE WAVE  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello SandraLynnSprinkles Slingin' Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

Opening Thoughts

I found this to be an interesting story but it is hard for me to know what to make of it. It really got under my skin, if I'm honest, and has left me feeling quite unsettled. That's a good thing, in my opinion! I like stories that get me thinking and that offer something a little different. I've never read something like this before. It has a rather off-kilter feel to it. But I'm surprised you chose the comedy genre for this piece. I didn't get any humour from it myself. In fact, I found it rather disturbing.

Contest prompt

         Put your character into a situation that changes his/her life in a significant way. Show the reader through your story that this event is a pivotal moment for the character.

I like how you used the first part of the prompt though I'm not sure you have used the second part to its full advantage. The situation -- the moment -- that changes Derrald's life so significantly is shocking especially as it is the result of something so insignificant -- a wave. The idea of this is tragic and disturbing. However, as this happens right at the end, you don't really get a chance to show the reader how the character's life is going to change. Of course we can imagine this, but the prompt asked for this to be shown through the story.

Additional comments

Derrald is an unusual character. He is hard to relate to and hard to like at times. His behaviour is strange. It seems like his social skills are poor, and he has little social understanding. I'm wondering if he is on the autism spectrum but I'm glad this wasn't specified. I think some things are best left open. I felt bad for him because it seems that he is vulnerable and that other people take advantage of him at times. The warehouse scene shows this really well. It is clear to me that Derrald doesn't understand that whistling at someone in that fashion is inappropriate but his colleagues, who should know better, encourage him with their laughter and applause. Instead of gently explaining to Derrald that his behaviour is wrong, they get amusement from him. I think you did a good job of showing how ugly humans can be sometimes.

Overall I think this is a strong story but I can't say I enjoyed it because of the content! I am rating it 4 stars because I think the writing is good and the plot is interesting, but I feel the prompt could have been used more fully. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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11
11
Review of The Sea  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello An apple a day.... Author Icon,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Thank you for your entry.

Opening Thoughts

I found this to be a dark poem about the dangerous and powerful allure of the sea. At first the reader is caught up in the almost mystical atmosphere of the scene, but then things take a rather sinister and dramatic turn. I enjoyed this shift in mood.

Challenge Prompts

The form prompt for day 4 was the Alouette. I feel you have mostly done a good job with the requirements here -- the rhyme scheme is pretty good but I wasn't sure about the peacefulness/quietness part. This felt a bit off to me in comparison with the other rhymes, which sound stronger, in my opinion. This might just be something to bear in mind if you chose to work on this piece some more.

I really like your interpretation of the picture prompt. You are the second person to look beyond the idyllic seascape and imagine something a little darker. I like how you conveyed the serenity of the scene and the narrator's feelings of affinity with nature, but then turn this on its head.

Comments

As well as the slight "issue" with the rhyme mentioned above, just a couple of other things stood out to me in this poem. Firstly, I think maybe "mermaids charms" should be "mermaid's charms" or "mermaids' charms". Secondly, as much as I like the idea of the ending and the edginess of this part, I think it could maybe use a little work. At the moment it feels as if it has been left hanging because the line "let the mystery enslave" makes me ask "enslave what?" It is hard for me to make a specific suggestion when I'm not entirely sure what you are trying to convey, but this might be another area to focus on if you wanted to make any changes to this piece. It might just need a little rephrasing or it might require changing the rhyme but I think this part could be made a bit clearer.

Overall I think you have done a nice job here and I enjoyed the mood of this poem a lot. I also think you did well with the rhythm. I think with the Alouette, the flow can be quite choppy but I didn't really find that here. I'm rating this poem 4 stars for these reasons and because I have pointed out a few things that didn't work so well for me. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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12
12
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Ben Langhinrichs Author Icon,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Thank you for your entry.

Opening Thoughts

A short poem about the importance of checking a plane before take off! Could this also be a metaphor for the consequences of not looking before leaping? Perhaps!

Challenge Prompts

The form prompt for day 6 was the Tyburn, which has some strict requirements. The first four lines are made up of 2 syllable describing words and should rhyme with each other, then the last two lines should each have nine syllables, rhyme with each other and, interestingly, incorporate the words in the first four lines at the fifth through to eighth syllables.

Your rhymes are interesting and creative but you didn't really use describing words, as such, where they should be. I'm not an expert on the form, but I believe the first four lines should be made up of two syllable words. The syllable count per line is spot on and you successfully incorporated the first four lines into the last two, so well done with this rather awkward specification. I admire how you managed to tell a story here, despite the form restrictions.

I can clearly see how the image prompt inspired you and I like how you used it.

Comments

I know you are a knowledgeable poet, so I'm thinking you purposefully bent a few of the form rules here. Normally I'm fine with this and do it often myself, but I feel for a contest I need to mark the poem against the prompt requirements. I hope you understand! So speaking as a judge, for this to be a true Tyburn, I think the first four lines would need some work. But speaking as a reader, I honestly don't think this is necessary!

I'm afraid I got a little lost at the fifth line. I just can't get my thoughts around this part and it feels choppy, so this might be an area to focus on if you chose to work on this piece some more and receive similar feedback from other readers.

I'm rating this poem 4 stars because of the things I have mentioned and because I think you have done a good job telling a story using the form. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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13
13
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hello LostGhost: Seeking & Learning Author Icon,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Thank you for your entry.

Opening Thoughts

I'll be completely honest here, I am struggling with this poem a lot. I have read it through several times and I just do not understand it. Some of the phrasing is very awkward, making it hard for me to make sense of what you are trying to convey.

Challenge Prompts

The form prompt for day 4 was the Alouette. This form requires an aabccb rhyme scheme and mostly you have achieved this. The rhymes in the first two stanzas are strong and some are quite interesting. I especially like the daughter/water part and also feel the morals/laurels rhyme is pretty creative. In the final stanza, you seem to have missed the "b" rhyme. The third and last lines should rhyme with each other and unfortunately "except" and "stained" do not rhyme. I think you could fix this by trying to end the third line with "remained" somehow -- perhaps "Nothing of mine here remained". Then you could try to fit the "except" into the next line, perhaps "except for a chair". These are just quick suggestions off the top of my head but they fix the rhyme, the syllable count and clear up the awkward phrasing of the third line in this stanza.

As for the image prompt, it is hard for me to see how it inspired you really because I do not understand the poem. Apart from the mention of "water", I cannot see how you have used the picture.

Comments

I feel like I'm being really negative in this review, and I'm sorry about that. It seems like you have some good and interesting ideas but they are just getting a little lost. I don't know if this is because of the form restrictions or something else but something isn't working here. It is hard for me to make specific suggestions when I don't know what you are trying to convey but I think you need to work on making this more comprehensible. The one thing I can think of pointing out is the use of "gifted" and "gift" in the first two lines. The word "gift" is redundant here so I would suggest replacing it. Perhaps something like this could work for this line: "the power to see". I'm not sure.

Overall this is a challenging poem in which there seem to be some interesting ideas, but work needs to be done to ensure readers can fully understand what these are. I feel at this stage I can't rate this poem above 2.5 stars because of the quite serious problems with the way it reads. But if you decide to rewrite this, I would be happy to take another look and re-rate accordingly. Thank you for sharing your work. I've seen from some of your other poetry that you are a strong writer, so I'm sure you'll be able to fix this piece if you agree it needs work.

~Jess.

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14
14
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Ben Langhinrichs Author Icon,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Thank you for your entry.

Opening Thoughts

I found this to be a darkly grim tale about lust and deceit. You tell a fascinating story here of a mermaid, who certainly isn't some Disney-fied Princess, and a man whose lust leads to his downfall.

Challenge Prompts

The prompt for day 4 was the Alouette and I think you have done a pretty good job meeting the requirements for this form. The rhyme scheme is mostly very strong though I did falter at the gone/dawns part. These words do not rhyme in my accent so I found this part jarring among all the other true rhymes. The syllable count seems to be spot on, so good job with this.

I really enjoyed how you used the picture prompt. You decided to imagine what's going on beneath the surface of the water in the idyllic scene and I felt this was a refreshing approach.

Comments

I think you have told a captivating story here in poetical form and I enjoyed reading it. I like the descriptions of the mermaid and could imagine her brazenly flashing her tail and acting coquettishly to lure the sailor beneath the waves. This form seems to work well for a narrative poem and I enjoyed the sing-song feel to this piece, which I think worked well with the subject matter.

Some of the lines in this poem felt a little contrived to me and stuck out for this reason, for example the last line of stanza three. I know twisting a phrase in this way is sometimes used, particularly in form poetry, but it doesn't really appeal to my personal taste. I prefer lines to have a more natural feel.

Overall I think you have done a great job here. I'm rating this poem 4.5 stars because although I have pointed out a few areas that didn't work so well for me, I think this is a gripping poem and I like your unique interpretation of the image prompt. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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15
15
Review of Crossing  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello An apple a day.... Author Icon,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Thank you for your entry.

Opening Thoughts

I found this to be a nicely written poem that seems to explore the visual effect of something small travelling across a vast bridge. I felt this was an unusual and interesting way to approach the image prompt.

Challenge Prompts

The form prompt for day 2 was the Harrisham Rhyme and you have done a great job with this. You maintained the ababab rhyme scheme and your chosen rhyming words are pretty strong. If I were being really picky I might point out that "invented" doesn't quite rhyme perfectly with "intended" and "suspended" but it's nearly there and still works well.

I love how you have used the image prompt in this poem. You looked beyond the grand vastness of the scene to give the reader a fresh perspective of it. Like I said before, I think this was an unusual way to approach it, but I found it refreshing and creative. Part of me wishes you played on this even more, introducing the cat earlier on in the poem because I feel this could make the effect even more striking. But having said that, I do like how you save this for the last line, leaving the reader with a pleasing image of a determined yellow kitty crossing the huge bridge. It changes the mood of the poem and I thought this was quite effective.

Comments

I think you have made great use of alliteration and assonance in this poem to give it a strong, distinct sound and a pleasing rhythm. I especially like the fourth line, which sounds lovely when read aloud. I also really like the "path intended" part -- this has an almost whimsical feel to it, which I think works very well. The whole poem has a "sing-song" quality about it, which I very much enjoyed -- great job with this.

The only part I wasn't sure of was the fifth line as this reads a little awkwardly to me and feels a bit forced. So this might be an area to focus on if you receive similar feedback from other readers and choose to work on this piece some more.

Overall I think you have done a great job with the challenge prompts and have created a refreshing, enjoyable poem that reads beautifully. I am rating it 4.5 stars for those reasons and because I pointed out a minor thing that didn't work so well for me. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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16
16
Review of Feet of Clay  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Thank you for your entry.

Opening Thoughts

I found this to be a dramatic and effective poem that explores the uneasy and often tension-filled relationship between man and nature. This is a subject I personally find very interesting and I enjoyed your take on it.

Challenge Prompts

The form prompt for day 2 was the Harrisham Rhyme and of course this proved to be no trouble to you, Ken! You maintained the ababab rhyme scheme, using some strong words and the first word of each line begins with the last letter of the first word in the previous line. Good job with this unusual and potentially complicated specification.

I really love how you have explored the image prompt in your poem and the idea that man and nature are often in battle with each other. We humans build our fancy bridges and tall buildings etc, often resulting in the destruction of nature but of course nature will fight back! I really like the idea of our man-made structures being considered "false gods" by nature as it works to pull them down. I feel this was a creative approach to the picture prompt and I enjoyed your personification of nature.

Comments

As I usually find with your poetry, this poem has a very polished feel to it and mostly reads beautifully. The imagery is effective and the message powerful -- I love your last two lines. The only part that I feel could maybe use a little work is the second sentence in the third line -- this feels forced to me as it more natural to say, "it doesn't hide its contempt". So this might be an area to focus on if you receive similar feedback from other readers and choose to work on this piece some more.

But overall I think you have done a wonderful job here and I very much enjoyed this poem. I am rating it 4.5 stars for those reasons and because I pointed out a small area that didn't work so well for me. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.


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17
17
Review of Inspiration  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. Thank you for entering!

Opening thoughts

Wow, this is absolutely beautiful, Ken! I love it. I almost feel like this is about me! I can really connect to the message of this piece because there have been so many times I've felt a bit down or stressed and I go for a walk, with words whirling about in my mind, and I am suddenly struck with inspiration. I think you have captured what that is like so perfectly here. Honestly, I think this is one of the best poems I've read from you.

Quote prompt

Round 61 had the following quote prompt:

         My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living.
          ~Anais Nin

I can clearly see how this quote inspired you. You used it in quite a literal way and showed the reader how ideas come to the narrator when he is out walking and allowing words to whirl about in his mind.

Form prompt

For round 61, the prompt was the Kyrielle Sonnet, which has a few formal requirements and then some informal ones.

As far as I can tell you have done a great job with this form. You used the rhyming quatrains and the non-rhyming couplet and maintained a rhythm of eight syllables per line. I see you used an AABB rhyme scheme and this is flawless. I like the creative rhyme of wind/chagrined. I think in poetry like this, that uses repetition, it is really important to come up with a strong line that will not only grab the reader, but also read well and make sense in different parts of the poem and sometimes different contexts too. I love the line you chose to use for the refrain -- it is beautiful and engaging and works wonderfully in each stanza of the poem. And it works so effectively when brought together with the opening line for the closing couplet -- great job with this.

Comments

Pretty much every line in this poem stands out and speaks to me in some way. The opening line is fantastic -- it immediately grabbed my attention and made me want to read on. I love this metaphor -- it is very evocative. I really like the "story" in this first stanza and can picture the narrator with a slight frown on his face as he walks aimlessly through the streets. But with the fourth line comes a shift in mood and I love your use of the word "magic" which conjures up (pun intended!) a feeling of excitement. I'm sure any writer can relate to this experience of the excitement of an idea forming.

This continues beautifully into the second and third stanzas and I really love the idea of sifting through the "debris" of words to find the "treasures". Again, this is something I can relate to as I love to compose poetry in my mind while I'm walking and then write it down later. And I love the opening line of the third stanza and think that most writers will know what this feels like -- this is what we live for, surely, as writers!

Overall I think this is a wonderful piece of writing and I love the positive tone of it and the inspiring message. I have no suggestions to make so am rating this poem 5 stars. Thank you very much for sharing it.

~Jess.

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18
18
Review of Fatal Decision  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Liam Author Icon,

I am reviewing this poem as a fellow member of the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

I found this to be an intense and dark poem but I'll admit I struggled to figure out what it is about and what is going on here, which left me a little frustrated.

I think you did an excellent job with your prompts for round one. The Villanelle is not an easy form but you handled it well. I personally feel the most important part of this form is coming up with two strong repeated lines that can stand alone and work well together and I think for the most part you have achieved that here. I quite like the first repeated line, even though it is a bit ambiguous. It immediately grabbed my attention and made me want to read on as I was eager to understand who the sacrificial lamb is. The second repeated line is also good, but I'm not sure about the use of "ev'ry". This feels almost archaic to me and I really don't think it is necessary for two reasons. Firstly, I think most people pronounce "every" as a two syllable word anyway. And secondly, even if it is pronounced as a three syllable word in this poem, it actually has no impact on the rhythm at all -- the line still scans perfectly, despite the extra beat.

In the final stanza, you broke form and slightly modified one of the repeated lines but I don't mind it when a writer does this. I'd much rather the writer deviate from the form to get their message across than have to twist their message unnaturally to fit the form. You clearly understand the requirements of the Villanelle and made a conscious decision to break this rule.

As always with your poetry, I found the rhythm and rhyme scheme to be perfectly polished and regarding your other selections for round one, I think you used metaphor and the melodrama genre to great effect. I really like the metaphor of hope being a loaded gun -- this is fresh, interesting and evocative. There is certainly a lot of melodrama in this poem and I think you have brilliantly built up the suspense. Though I didn't really understand what was happening in the piece, I could still feel the tense atmosphere you have created.

So overall I think you have a good poem here, though it is a little difficult to understand. I am rating it 4 stars for those reasons, and also because although I made a small suggestion concerning the use of the word "ev'ry", I think this is a skilfully written Villanelle. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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19
19
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello M.A.GEORGE Author Icon,

I came across this item after looking in your portfolio for something to read and review. *Smile*

I found this to be a fun and sweet poem about looking for shapes in the cloud, which is something most of us have probably done at some point, I'm sure. I think it is human nature to try and make sense of the things we see, even if they are just clouds! I think you have nicely captured that idea here.

~*Vignette6*~


The narrator of this poem sees some very interesting cloud shapes as he gazes up at the sky and I like your opening two lines -- this image is comical and bizarre! It made me want to read on to find out what other shapes the narrator would spot too! In the first stanza you give the reader some random, fun images and this works really well, setting the tone for the rest of the poem. This is a bit of a haphazard poem, but I mean that in a good way -- the randomness of it is fun.

In the second stanza, I like the image of the jumping horse but I don't understand how it can be "chestnut red" when clouds are obviously white. I wonder if you could rephrase this part slightly to make it clearer -- perhaps something like this could work:

I see a horse, jumping -
And colour it chestnut red
In my mind's eye

Or something like that, just so we get a greater sense of the narrator using his imagination. Of course this is just a suggestion. I love the humour of the last three lines of this stanza!

~*Vignette6*~


The third stanza feels very awkward to me, to be honest and I would suggest taking another look at this part. I found the second line of this stanza hard to get my thoughts around at first and had to reread it several times. Also, "it does reveal" sounds clumsy and could just be "It reveals", but even that still sounds off to me. Perhaps "Is revealed" could work instead? I'm not sure. I think this is an area that could really use work if you chose to work on this poem some more.

I like the tone of the last stanza. It's a bit more reflective than the rest of the poem as the narrator is forced back to reality. There seems to be a yearning here that I found effective. I think this is a good ending to the poem.

~*Vignette6*~


Overall I think this is a nice piece. I'm rating it 4 stars because although I have pointed out a couple of things that didn't work so well for me, I still enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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20
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Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello bumfuzzled Author Icon,

I found this item by asking people to link their favourite poem by a writing.com author in my notebook. Somebody linked this one and I can see why the like it so much. *Smile*

~*Vignette6*~


In my opinion this is a skilfully crafted, perfectly polished poem written as a tribute or ode to the Ancient Mariner from Samuel Taylor Coleridge's epic poem "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner". I'm not overly familiar with that poem, to be honest, but I do know the basic story of it and I think you have brilliantly summed it up with this piece, capturing the essence of it.

I don't usually like poems to begin with a word like "and" because it makes me feel like I'm joining the middle of a conversation and I worry about what I've missed out on previously! But I think it works quite well here, especially as this phrase gets repeated throughout the poem. It helps to build up quite a surreal, dreamlike atmosphere that I think works so well with the dark content. The repetition makes me feel that the narrator's thoughts are going round in circles and that they have become entranced by the Ancient Mariner and his tale -- good job with this.

As I said earlier, this poem feels very polished to me. The rhyme scheme is flawless and the rhythm is excellent. I love the swift pacing -- the 8/6/8/6 syllable count that you mostly used throughout helps with this, as does the use of rhyme within some of lines. This helps to give the poem a singsong feel, which again, adds to the rather surreal feel I get from this piece.

My only suggestion really would be to go a little easier on the exclamation points. I personally think you could lose them from lines two, twelve and sixteen without this having a negative effect on how the poem reads -- I think it would still have a sense of urgency without them but of course this is just my personal opinion.

~*Vignette6*~


Overall I think this is a great poem and I'm glad I got the opportunity to read it. I'm rating it 4.5 stars because I truly enjoyed it and also because I made a small suggestion. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.

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21
21
Review of Mirror, Mirror  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Em Anekaf Author Icon,

I found this poem after looking in the "Read A Newbie" section and selecting poetry. The title and brief description piqued my interest.

I found this to be a heartbreakingly sad poem about what it is like to have an eating disorder. You take the reader on a journey through the narrator's mind as she struggles with her body image and the constant pressure she feels to be thin that results in her starving herself.

I think you have done an excellent job of depicting the loss of control and complete sense of isolation that comes with this illness. The personification of the mirror in this piece really adds to that, with the narrator feeling that she has surrendered control of her life to it. This personification also adds a rather sinister dynamic to the poem, with the mirror taking on an almost evil presence that is intent on destroying this person's life.

~*Vignette6*~


I like how the first couple of stanzas the narrator seems to view the mirror as an ally and wants its approval. Then in later stanzas, as the illness gets a tighter grip, she starts to understand that her relationship with the mirror is harmful, and yet she can't break free of it. The emotion becomes more intense throughout the poem and the feeling of sheer desperation increases, which is extremely effective and in a way hard to read too. I feel like I am watching the narrator's mind unravel and I really want to help her.

I hope this doesn't come across as condescending but I was surprised to read in your bio that you are 15 as I think you write with a wisdom beyond your years and I also think there are some images and descriptions here that much older, seasoned writers would feel proud of writing. I love your opening stanza and how you pull the reader straight into the action. The intensity level is already very high from the get-go and this stanza works so well to show us the narrator's state of mind. I also really like the "stuck in the swirl" description because it sounds fresh and interesting and evokes feelings of madness and loss of control. I also like "I'm trapped/in her ice-cold chest". This shows the reader the power of the mirror over the narrator and also its sheer coldness and cruelness. Great job with this!

~*Vignette6*~


I just have a few suggestions that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. Firstly, I would suggest giving the piece a careful edit as I feel some of the punctuation could use a bit of work. I can point out the things I noticed, if you wish, but I'm sure there are other people on this site much better qualified to help you with this! Also, I felt this part could use some attention:

I stutter, stumble, sip and fall.
Locks me in her glass chest,
Mirror says, "I know what's best."

I think perhaps "sip" should be "slip" here. Also, the flow of this part feels a bit rough to me and I'm wondering if changing "Locks" to "locking" could help with this as it helps to connect the two lines more cohesively and the sentence then feels a bit smoother. I would also suggest taking another look at this part:

My soul feels as black as night.

Most of the writing is very fresh and creative but this feels very clichéd. You have already shown elsewhere in the poem that you can come up with unique and striking images, so I think you can do that here too. *Smile*

My last suggestion would be to give the rhythm some attention. I think it is mostly very good but some areas could perhaps be tightened up a bit. I sometimes find reading a poem aloud helps me to identify where the rhythm slips. But I think the best method for this is asking someone to read the poem to you, preferably someone who hasn't read or heard it before.

~*Vignette6*~


Overall I think this is a powerful and poignant poem. It isn't an easy read, because of the content, but it's an intense, hard-hitting piece that really gets under the skin. So for those reasons, and because I have made a few suggestions, I'm rating this piece 4 stars. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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22
22
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Isola Bertolucci Author Icon,

I found this to be a nice poem and lovely tribute to your daughter, who had a difficult start in life through being born prematurely. I could feel the love and emotion behind your words and can tell how privileged you feel to have a happy, healthy child.

~*Vignette6*~


I think the structure of this poem is fairly good, with a solid rhythm. The rhyme scheme is a little inconsistent, with you sometimes using abab and sometimes abcb, but this didn't bother me so much and I still think the poem sounds quite nice when read aloud. I think this poem's greatest strength is the emotion and I really like the second and third stanzas -- those are the kinds of things we live for and I'm sure are moments you will treasure forever.

I just have a few suggestions for this piece that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. Firstly, I'd suggest watching out for unnecessary commas. I personally feel that you could remove the commas from the end of lines one and two in the second stanza, and also from the first line of the third stanza. And the word "i" in the third line of the fourth stanza needs to be capitalised. I don't know if this was a stylistic choice or a typo, but I personally find it maddening when the word "I" isn't capitalised! I also feel that a colon could work quite nicely at the end of the second line of the final stanza as it will help to tie these two sentences together more effectively and give this stanza a more cohesive feel.

My other main suggestion would be to expand on the last stanza. The writing is really lovely where you give the reader specific examples to connect to, such as the image of the mother singing nursery rhymes to the baby to help her sleep, or when the the child says "I love you" etc. In the last stanza you write about how you love your daughter's personality and individuality but this doesn't mean anything to readers who don't know her. So tell us what you love about her personality! And what is individual about her? You say she's a "star" but every parent thinks that of their child, so show us why your child is special. I think adding in some little concrete details will really help the writing stand out.

~*Vignette6*~


Therefore I'm going to rate this poem 4 stars because although I have pointed out some areas I feel could use a little attention, I still think this is a nicely written poem, which really has an emotional impact, and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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23
23
Review of The Wishing Well  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Yellow Rose Author Icon,

I am one of the judges for

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This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be an emotional and passionate poem about a couple who are forced apart because the man has to go to war. They spend one last romantic moment together where they each kiss a special penny and toss it into a wishing well and the man declares that the penny will return to the woman if he does not return from the war. I felt like this was a really sweet and tender part of the poem, though it was also tinged with sadness. Good job with this.

I feel your poem could perhaps use a bit of work in places. The main thing that stood out to me is that you address the male character in the poem as "you" for quite a while before inexplicably changing this to "He". I would suggest picking one or the other and remaining consistent with it.

Although it is the poet's prerogative to forgo punctuation if they wish, I think this only really works for the end of lines and I really feel like this poem needs some punctuation within the lines, otherwise it becomes quite difficult to read in places. As an example, this part:

His father said I have little to leave just this box
A note was pinned saying use with loving thoughts

I really feel that you need to make the father's words clearer here and you can do this with punctuation:

His father said, "I have little to leave just this box"
A note was pinned saying, "use with loving thoughts"

Or alternatively you could italicise the words on the note. Of course this is just my personal opinion.

I also think the rhythm of this poem could use some attention. There were several lines that didn't flow so well for me, for example, this part:

You and I were so very young and completely blind

This line flows much better if you leave out the word "so". And also this line:

He found it one day after his father went far away

I think removing the word "far" will really improve the rhythm of this line. And then I noticed an error with this line:

"Making these moment last on this saddest of all nights"

I think "these" should actually be "this", unless you change "moment" to "moments".

One last thing, this poem is called The Wishing Well and yet you don't mention the actual well in the poem. You describe how they "both threw it in", referring to the penny, but you don't actually say what they threw it in to. I would suggest finding a way to actually use the words "wishing well" in the poem too.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a nice poem, though a very sad one. I felt caught up in the emotion of it and for that reason, and because I have made a few suggestions, I am rating this piece 3.5 stars. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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24
24
Review of Birthmother  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello celeste632,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a thoughtful and reflective poem about women who either choose to give their babies up for adoption, or act as surrogate mothers. It may be a short piece, but there is a lot of emotion packed into it. I can hardly imagine the strength and courage it must take to decide that your child would be better off with another person and how immensely difficult it would be to carry that decision through. I think you have begun to explore that here though I felt it could perhaps be expanded a bit. Also, I like how you have looked at the other side of this situation too and how one mother's painful, difficult decision, becomes another mother's welcome and treasured gift.

There isn't much in the way of imagery here, but I don't think there really needs to be as this is much more about the emotion of the situation. However, I personally wasn't sure about the "pulled from the air" part. I don't really understand what you are trying to convey here and the image is odd to me. But I'm a very literal person and that may be the reason why I'm struggling here. If you receive similar feedback from other readers then you may want to take another look at this part.

I think the flow of this short piece is wonderful and I like the use of assonance in the final line. I also really like the emotion of this part and think this is a very satisfying ending to the poem.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a lovely poem that could perhaps use a bit of work and could maybe be expanded to really convey to the reader the full emotional impact something like this has on all the parties involved. Therefore I am rating this piece 3.5 stars. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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25
25
Review of My Freedom  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lina Black-So Far Behind!!! Author Icon,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


I found this to be a sweetly written little poem which is filled with emotion and has a rather spiritual and thoughtful tone. The narrator in the poem appears to be carrying out their normal life but is also always searching for a way to feel free. I wondered if maybe she is going through a difficult time or struggling with something and has therefore become preoccupied with the idea of being free and longs to feel this way. I got a sense of this even though it isn't specified in the actual poem. But the fact that she hopes and prays and even yells makes me think that this is a person who really needs to find some inner peace to help them overcome something.

The structure of this poem is very interesting. I'm curious to know if this is an established form or if it is just something you came up with yourself to convey the message of your poem. I'll be honest and say that I'm not huge fan of repetition in poetry, but I can cope with it in small doses, like in this piece, and I think it can be quite effective. Here it works well to create a sense of the narrator's longing and desperation to feel free.

I just have a few suggestions that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. Firstly, you use "praying" in the second line and "prayers" in the seventh line and I'd suggest changing the second line slightly. This is because word repetition can be quite jarring, especially in short poetry. Also, I think if you used a different word earlier on then the emotional impact of the seventh line would be even greater. But of course this is just my personal opinion.

Also in the seventh line you write this:

"I kneel on my knees"

And I feel that the "on my knees" part is redundant because the word "kneel" implies the character in the poem is on her knees. So I would suggest perhaps doing something like this instead:

"I kneel on the ground"

But I don't know if that is much better because people mostly do tend to kneel on the ground. Where else would they kneel?! So perhaps you could do something like this, which also serves to tighten the line up a bit:

"I kneel to pray, asking God, “When will I find my Freedom”

I think that's a little better! But these are just a couple of quick suggestions off the top of my head. Also, the final line feels a bit cumbersome to me and I'm wondering if there is a way to tighten up this part a bit. And I don't think the comma after "I have given you" is necessary.

*Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g**Leaf2br**Leaf2g*


Overall I think this is a lovely, emotional poem and I enjoyed reading it. I'm rating it 4 stars for these reasons and also because I have pointed out a few areas I feel could use some work. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found this review helpful.

Please do not edit your entry until the contest has been judged and awarded.

~Jess.

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