I read this chapter just as i was beginning to lose hope in writing.com to host quality material! In between rampant ridiculous stories of people getting morbidly obese, to just plain nonsense i was really thinking there was not much to be had here.
I think you've done a grand job of creating something new and exciting. I began to read your story a bit incredulously, honestly just to get some gift points. But i am REALLY glad i read on. I was thoroughly engrossed in the first chapter, and forgot i was reading a story made by an (excuse me if im wrong) amateur writer! I am really impressed!
You definitely have the talent in story-telling.. you and your co-author.
I would really appreciate if you would review my own fledgling writing "A Gathering of Dragons" If you would be so kind. Its only in its infancy, but i think I've developed something unique. I dont get as much time to write as i am in the US Air force, but i do what i can.
I think gaining weight is a very poor story line. Obesity isnt something that his held in high regard inside society, and therefore the majority of your audience will not empathize with your characters. The writing isnt really on point, which is a risk that you run when you let other's create new chapters in your story line.
You do have quite the following though, i think you have been pretty successful in that respect.
Good luck!
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