This piece made me feel so sad. I wanted to break through the silent wall, grab the man and shake him. I love that this piece made me truly sense the frustration of not being understood. The theme is one that we all feel at times and can relate to well. The comparison you use with words such as dam, wall, ice are so vivid in describing "the man" and in contrast the softness of your words being described as snowflakes, precious cargo, and how they flutter is beautiful. I have no suggestions. Loved this poem! Great Job!
Great imagery with the metaphor or the storm. I felt the intensity especially with the line, "A warning static in the air". I felt more anxiety than hope through most of the poem until the last paragraph. I think I wanted that feeling of hope to come sooner. I have been to the ocean many times and the imagery really works here. As far as rhythm goes the only stumble I had was the line, "Lies abandoned, useless and lonely" but I think it still works. Great job!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gaylew
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 4:52pm on Nov 08, 2024 via server WEBX1.