My Thoughts: This was a really concise and evocative poem that perfectly conveyed the emotion of heartbreak and second thoughts. I love the freeform style of poetry and this really reminded me of how wonderful a medium poetry can be for communicating feelings.
My Favorite Part: The imagery in the poem was phenomenal for only being 8 lines. In particular, the line dead fish to the surface of my loneliness is a wonderful use of language. The reader can really sense the emotion behind the words.
My Suggestions: I don't really have any suggestions for this piece. You took a very limited space and did a great job using every word to its fullest. Punctuation was also correct and worked with the poems' form. I wish you luck in the contest!
I'm so glad I got an opportunity to review your work! Have a great day and don't forget to--
Hello! My name is Lady and thank you so much for requesting a review!
What I Liked: Ohh, there was so much I liked about this story! I love holiday-themed horror stories and this hit just the right balance of supernatural horror and psychological tension that I love.
Character: I really loved the story that you told with your characters' actions and appearance. There's a sense of inevitability and the reader can tell that they've all been fighting this battle for a long time and just can't keep going anymore.
The only thing that felt a bit rushed was the changing of Christmas Past. His transformation was very swift and it seemed odd compared to the gradual decay of the others. Perhaps making his appearance subtly haggard in the beginning with a trigger for the change (ie, the clock chiming midnight) would make that transition a bit smoother.
Plot: The story was very well-done, with an engaging conflict. I know you had expressed some concern that the ending was rushed, but I felt like it had a good pace.
Tone: Haha, if you haven't guessed, I love the tone of this piece. It reminded me a lot of the Halloween anthologies that come out toward the end of the year, nostalgic but creepy. Loved it!
Overall: Thank you so much for asking me to review this story, because it was fantastic! It was polished, well-written, and a clever twist on this classic tale.
I hope that this review was helpful to you! Have a great day and don't forget to write!
Hi! My name is Len and I'll be reviewing you story today.
I originally found your story through the Weird Tales contest and agree with the judges-- it was fantastic!
The tone of the beginning was spot-on and I felt like it gave it a really believable pulp feel. One of my favorite lines that I felt really set it up as a pulp story was where you said, "She was sitting, limned by the light of the three moons..." That was some really evocative imagery :)
The only thing that I wasn't really sure about was the prophecy. It seemed a bit rushed and unpolished compared to the rest of the piece. The content itself did set up the ending nicely, but I would have liked to see a bit more flair and ambiguity.
All in all, I felt like this was a fantastic idea that captured the tone of the old pulp stories. I look forward to seeing and reviewing some more of your work!
Hello! My name is LadyGreen and I'll be giving you a review today!
I've been a huge fan of Weird Tales and pulp fiction ever since I was little. So, it's no surprise that I was delighted to find a entry for the contest as an option for review today!
The opening of the story is very pulpy, which I like. As a matter of fact, my favorite thing about the story was the voice. Spot on and well done!
There's a few things that I noticed with your story that could use some improvement, however. The first thing I noticed was the line, 'Besides being in the same class in college, Alonzo and I admired the charms of a certain woman.' This line is a non-sequitur that doesn't enter into the story at any other point. I feel as though the story would be stronger without it.
The second is regarding the narrator. The ending of the story reveals that he had hired a violinist to torture his relation. However, there's no hint of this in the story itself-- something that comes across as deceptive to the reader, considering the intimate point of view in this story. Also, I feel as though, if the violinist was real, that someone, somewhere, would have pointed this out to Alonzo or remarked on the strange noise. This discrepancy could certainly be made believable with the right world-building, but it doesn't seem likely with the story as it's currently written. A little more work is required, whether it's bolstering your ending or reworking it.
That said, this was a wonderful little pulp story and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I wish you the best of luck on your entry into the Weird Tales contest!
Hello! My name is LadyGreen and I'll be giving you a review today!
I used to love ghost stories around the campfire and this was really nostalgic of back then! I especially loved the den leader's actions at the end of the story, haha. Seemed like something my dad would have done on our campouts.
There's a few spots in the poem where the prose could be tightened up. A really great trick you might try is to read your work aloud. Also, words like 'of', 'to', and 'for' are useful for establishing mood, but they can also bulk up your writing unnecessarily. Consider whether each word is necessary and whether or not a sentence would be equally clear without its inclusion.
That said, I think that this poem has some definite potential. The story is fun and has a satisfactory ending. I think that after a round or two of polishing that it'll really shine.
Hello! My name is LadyGreen and I'll be giving you a review today!
I must admit, I'm not terribly familiar with poetry, especially modern poems like this one. However, the rawness of this poem really hit me and encouraged me to comment.
To begin with, I feel as though the stream-of-consciousness style of this poem was highly effective. The short, jagged lines really served to illustrate how torn the character feels about their actions and how those feelings affect the way they view themselves and others.
That said, there were times when there was some, in my opinion, purple prose. For me, the parts where the character talks to his schoolmates and sees his brother conveyed the intensity and inner despair of the character in a way that the gothic imagery of sarcophagi and catacombs did not. If this were my piece, I'd seriously reconsider the addition of those elements.
All in all, I think this poem is a strong addition to your portfolio but that it could also use some more work to be the very best.
Hi! My name is LadyGreen and I'll be giving you a review today!
This is a pretty cool piece of writing! I've done interviews for a few of my characters and it's really cool to see people doing the same for theirs.
Jeanette strikes me as an excellent character for a literary novel. I could see her in several kinds of stories and she has a sense of 'realness' to her that shows you've really been working on her.
There were a few things in the summary that struck me as a bit 'off', however. For example, the description of her says that Jeanette has a regal bearing. This isn't obvious during the interview and also isn't typical of the 'abused woman' character that she represents. While this can be effective in hinting toward inner strength, it's a decision that should be looked at critically, I think. There's also mention that she likes well-made, expensive clothing-- immediately followed by a statement about how her favorite haunts are Goodwill and consignment shops, both of which are secondhand shops where such clothing would be harder to find.
In spite of these quibbles, Jeanette's interview really shone. She was believable, sympathetic, and interesting-- all in all, a wonderful character! Congratulations and good luck in your future writing endeavors!
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