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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fsumom
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8 Public Reviews Given
8 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I will go through a voice and style discussion. I will discuss plot or character strengths and weaknesses. I will point out major grammar issues but not every issue. I am a rhetoric teacher so I do this for a living. If things are unclear, I will be frank.
Favorite Genres
Poetry and short story.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror
Favorite Item Types
I like thoughtful and edited work.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by FSUmom Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I really liked the story, but I feel like you could tell it with more excitement in the present tense as if it were happening. Then at the end switch to the past tense to reflect as the old man. I also think stevie needs an epithet. It doesn't make sence that there is soo much to say about him, but you (the writer) don't say anything about him. Soupy seems jimmy dean like and maybe should not be the singer. I also wondered how the seemingly poorer and more country folks lived next door to the banker and his junior league wife. Maybe the narrator can work for mr. sullivan or go to school with the kids. or be in love from a far with the pretty sister. all thoes things would get him hanging around. I saw this story like an episode of the wonder years, but a bit more dark.


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2
Review of August  Open in new Window.
Review by FSUmom Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I love it. our poem made me think of every mosiquito bite I have gotten on a vacation. maybe add a line that indicates that the unintended gift or momento. I would change, " Sweet-sour reminder from a month
that bites" to "the bittersweet reminder from the month that took a bite." also add the in front of ooze. so that it is exceedingly clear that you are talking about a very specific event in August. un less you are no then take all the "the" out so is will show the reader that it is about the month for example:
An itch.
A scratch. many welts.
Ooze that mixes with sweat.
A bittersewwt reminder from the month
that bites.
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3
Review of Paw Prints  Open in new Window.
Review by FSUmom Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like it. A poem that makes sence, has a rhyme scheme and stanzas. It seem as though you have a bit of meter too:iambic four feet per line. I liked it. It was sweet.
4
4
Review of Perhaps Myself  Open in new Window.
Review by FSUmom Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
What is it about? Death? I guess I like the idea of the contradictions or juxtaposition, but it needs to lead to a message. I see that you are incorporating a bit of a rhyme scheme with everyother line rhyming. When I read the rhyming lines alone I had hoped to understand the message and it was better that way, but some of the ideas seemed forced. If it is about the confusion of love then make your contradictions only be about love.
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