Hello,
I found this in the read and review section. I could certainly use a laugh today,
and you obliged with this short and sweet? poem. Lol
Normally I use a format for title, grammar and edit options, favorite part, etc.
With this being in a contest, I feel it should suffice to say, I loved it!
a goal to oversleep, and not taking a chance were very good parts to set up the end goal, (no pun intended) for the final line.
This is a great poem, but I'd hate to judge this year too early being defined as a turd. Time will tell. We've had snow 3 weeks in a row on Thursday in the month of February here around Wichita, Kansas. So for February I guess you are correct.
Welcome to WdC! I noticed you liked my "hairpin curves" yesterday. So I had to drop in and see what you are doing.
I am glad to see you are taking the initiative to create and share in the hopes of helping others! So awesome to hear, and this is what we all can take in some good news for once.
So again, welcome! And good luck to you in your future endeavors. This is a fabulous site. If you ever need anything, just ask.
Hello Dave,
Congratulations on placing 2nd in the Traditions Poetry Contest! I am reviewing all winners, so here are me thoughts on this piece.
Overall: Fantastic! (in a word). I've wanted to try this type of form, but was afraid mine would drive e nuts or wouldn't make sense. You, on the other hand have done a fabulous job here as it reads well and is nice to hear in our times we live in presently.
Edit/Grammar: I saw no issues, and wouldn't change a thing! Very well composed.
Favorite part: The 3rd and 4th stanzas, but mostly the final stanza that ties it all together and fills the heart with good cause and merriment.
Great write Dave. I see why I was tied for 3rd. Lol
I noticed this poem in the read and review section. Here are my thoughts on your poem.
Overall: Wonderful and well written. It sounds as though this girl likes to hear she is pretty,
and that she can get away with almost anything because she is pretty. Sweet at first, then teasing and ornery
shows her true identity. I like the way you tie together the beginning and the end with the same wording.
Then with the final line resulting in a surprise for the reader. This reminds me of our youngest daughter.
pretty and sweet, and quite outspoken at times. But in the end, you can't help but love.
Edit/grammar: If anything, perhaps a comma after the first line of the last stanza. i.e. So, tell me..,
But this is up to you. I saw no grammar errors and it reads well either way.
Favorite part: The complete poem, but mostly the first and last stanzas. Repeating lines with a little change can sometimes leave the biggest impression. Great poem!
Although I'm hungry for some crunchy tacos now, nevertheless. Take care and Welcome!
Hello MK,
I’ve been meaning to review a poem of yours for a while now. Well, I read the last one titled, Clouded. I loved this short and sweet poem. But, I am reviewing this poem, A Hearts Whisper.
Overall: I can truly relate to this poem of heartbreak and anguish. So glad at first to meet this person. Then at odds with ones self for falling for them.
This is a good title, and has very good word use and descriptions for why your heart aches.
Edit/grammar: I saw no issues with either, wouldn’t change a word!
Favorite part: The 2nd and last stanzas. How your eyes strayed.., and how no one else noticed.
Also, how your heart would cease its lonely call for your name. Beautiful word choice, but also I relate to this when I was half the age I am now and I’m interested and the other person isn’t or wants to just be friends. Anyways, glad I’m not dating anymore! But for you, if that person didn’t work out. Chalk it up to experience and just know others care and love you for who you are. If it’s meant to be, it will come from Thee.
Miranda, I have noticed you always doing great things here, such as reviews and even just “liked” certain sayings in the community. So for that please accept, and don’t return any of these gift points! You’re amazing, and keep up the great work!
I saw this poem in the read and review section, so here are my thoughts on this piece.
Overall: Love it! Yes, sometimes monsters are what we create in our minds and imagination.
Other times we can see monsters to a point in others we meet. You did a fine job conveying this point
across to the reader.
Edit/grammar: in the first sentence, and many more, the i should be capitalized as in line 3.
In stanza 3 I believe you meant to write
were, rhymes with her. You have where, rhymes with hair.
Favorite part: The last stanza, it has a happy ending and sounds like you are very content with your family.
It also seems as though you've made it through the tough and sad times, now it's time to enjoy and
embrace life.
Thank you for sharing, and welcome to Wdc. This is a great poem!
I'm not giving a low rating for grammar issues, and these are my thoughts only. So do with it what you want.
Take care, and stay safe.
Frank
p.s. I know sometimes my grandson seems to be a little monster! Lol
I came across this in the Read and review section. Since I prefer poems, these are my thoughts on this piece.
Overall: Beautiful. Well written with an appropriate title, and short and sweet but full of punch!
Your word choice is very good and invites the reader
in to absorb your tale of strength and resilience. Very good job!
Grammar/punctuation: I think you use the ... too often. A period should come at the end of 6th line. me.
Line 9 I would put a hyphen at the end of this line. gave up, but then-
I would add an "s" on the end of seal. the mud that seals This is a better rhyme with heels in the previous line.
Favorite part: The whole poem, but mostly the way you tie the beginning and the end all together to complete this full circle. With a better outlook to keep on trying with determination.
I am not going to rate with a 4 and 1/2 for punctuation and grammar. These are my thoughts, you may do what you
think is right. Try reading aloud as I find this helps me.
Well I finally made it back. I like rhyming poems, so here are my thoughts on this piece.
Overall: Absolutely love it! I like the way you have a stanza for each season and tie it all
together. Very well written, and your word choice is splendid.
Grammar/punctuation: I didn't see any issues with this. Just to say I think you meant to put a
"u" in the word sol. 2nd last line, last word.
Editions/improvement: None that I saw. But had a question. Why is there a 3 at the bottom of
the page? Also, I was wondering if you meant to have different number of lines in your stanzas.
I.e. first one has 7 lines, then 2nd stanza has 6, then 8, 7, 5, 7? Was this intentional or
no particular reason? Just wondering.
I will be fanning this poem, this shows how much I appreciate this poem.
Well done Mira! I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you.
First of all, welcome to the Wdc. I saw this in the read a newbie section and had to check it out. You have the same name as my wife,
and her birthday is the 19th of this month. I normally rate and review poems, but also like short
articles also. So here are my thoughts on this piece.
Title: Very good choice, it tells the writer what to expect, and the body relates well to the title.
Overall: Good word choice, I'm guessing this is a personal experience? It seems relevant to how someone should deal with the stares and glares of others judging them. Good job.
Add/Edit/ Grammar: I saw no issues with grammar, and would not change a thing to the body of this piece. The only thing I would change is in your genre descriptions. You might change to experience, personal, inspirational? Something that gives the community a little insight rather than just, other. If a person wants to highlight or find related poems or articles they use the genre section to search for related items. This is for the folks with a higher membership than you or me. I can't ding you for not filling out the genre section better though.
Favorite part: ..have to know your weaknesses to become strong. You have to accept yourself before you can ignore the words people throw at you. This speaks volumes Rose! It also shows a sign of maturity and self awareness.
Good job Rose, and I wish you much success here.
TBW
Hello, and welcome to the Wdc. I hope you find some friends here to relate to.
We have something in common. Actually my 21 year old daughter and I have anxiety also. I'm battling depression as well as other health issues beyond my reach.
I saw a different poem in the read and review section, then I seen your Untitled poem. So here is my rating and review for this poem.
Untitled-
Overall: Awesome! You have rage and anger wanting to make you do bad things. But then you rationalize that you want to make decisions for the better, or what's proper and best for you. This a good poem to help others realize that life isn't unicorns and rainbows for all young folks. (sometimes its jackasses and thunderstorms) It's good for the soul to write down how you are feeling because others can truly relate with this.Hopefully it helps benefit someone.
Edit/Grammar: I saw two small grammar issues. A comma after aggression, and the very first I isn't capitalized. You may want to change the two long lines so it is more uniform? But this isn't really a grammar issue, it's my ocd! Lol
Favorite part: There's progression in my aggression, but I am trying not to stress. This says you are angry, but your trying to cope and stay rational.
P.s. Someone on this site said a poem without a title is like a baby without a name. In my opinion, I would make it the last 3 words of the poem. Rage to rest. But whatever you decide is fine. Remember these are my thoughts so take my advice if you want to, or don't. It's your poem.
If you ever feel overwhelmed, just ask. People here are willing to help, but you have to let us know. If you reach out, we will meet you.
Take care, good luck, and keep on writing.
Regards,
Frank
I can truly relate with this poem. I remember my parents always saying how time flies,
But certainly seemed to drag and take it's sweet time when you're 10. Now we're all
starting our 3rd decade of this century.
I love your lines of, passing sands through
careless fingers fall, a passing scene, lightning bolt, hidden dreams...
With age comes wisdom, to be handed down to our youth, it is hoped they listen.
First of all, welcome to the Wdc! I hope you enjoy your stay with us?
I noticed this in the read and review section, so here are my thoughts.
Overall: Wonderful. I bought two guitars in the past year, so I can relate to this. I can imagine you, or somebody singing this in front of a crowd. It is a rather sad and sorrowful song. But these are the feelings most of us have felt before when breaking up with someone.
Edit/Grammar: I didn't see any issues as far as grammar. The only thing I didn't care for was the cliche saying in verse 3, "And the silence was deafening!" If you had a different line there i think it would sound better. These are my thoughts, so do what you want with my advice.
Favorite part: All of verse 2, and the first 4 lines of verse 3 rock! These are some good lines for a song and/or poem.
Sending you some gift points since you're fairly new to the site. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I saw this poem in the read and review section, so here are my thoughts.
Overall: Wonderfully written and a happy ending make this poem awesome!
A girl asks for permission to ride a skateboard. Wherein the owner of the skateboard asks her if she's ready for the dangerous risk. She gives a simple answer to relax the owner. Thus surprising the owner by doing a great trick and blows the owners mind. Thus a very good title to this piece!
Edit/Grammar: No grammar issues, and wouldn't change a thing.
Favorite part: The final stanza. The reader, in my case, was left smiling when I finished the last line. So this is an inspirational poem as well! Nice One!
I seen this poem on the read and review section and so here are my thoughts on this piece.
Overall: Awesome write! Very ingenious to write about "the same old poem".
And to say it in a matter that at first I thought was hilarious. Then I seen the description and realized it's more tragic and torment. This would be terrible to only write the same old poem repeatedly. I love the metaphor of a needle scratching and skipping lyrics on a vinyl album!
Edit/Grammar: I saw no grammar issues, and have nothing to ad or edit. Good job!
Favorite part: "pennies camouflaged in a bronze canyon". "The needle screaming sotto voce in a whisper". Wonderful job!
Hell jinks,
First of all welcome to WDC! Glad to have you with us. Second, I saw this poem in the Read and review section of this site. So hear are my thoughts on this piece. Do what you want with my advice.
Overall: A wonderful tribute to a very special person that is near and dear to your heart. This is also called an elegy. A poem or song for a loved one. I can tell they were close to you.
Edit/Grammar: 4th line of 2nd stanza I believe should be knew, not know.
4th line 3rd stanza should be live, not love. Unless you want to say, your legacy of love will live on...and the following line says this again. Hope that's clear and/or helps?
I saw no grammar challenges to speak of.
Favorite part: The final line, this brings everything together and gives closure.
Hello R. Engels,
I seen your poem in the weekly poetry newsletter and so here are my thoughts about this poem.
Overall: Awesome write! You see yourself as not being worthy to have a good time without drugs and alcohol.
You've seen trauma and sadness and this fuels your wanting to escape and to put it behind you. After misfortunes and the psych ward you come to realize that there is something worth living for. You've stopped beating yourself up and quit drinking which makes you feel better physically. Making the end of the poem very inspirational for yourself and the others who care about you.Thus visualizing that hope and love aren't so bad thing after all.
Editions/grammar: I saw no grammar challenges. The only recommendation is the 1st stanza in the last line. I would loose the words And* and are*. The lines getting deeper... this flows better and makes all 4 lines have 11 syllables.
Even if you don't care about the meter so much, it sounds better to the ear by not using And too much.
By the way welcome to WDC! I'm sending you some gift points since you're new to this crew. You have a good gift, so I wish you well and hope you keep pouring out good poems.
This is one fine job here.
I saw this piece on the read and review section, so here are my thoughts.
Overall: Wonderful job! You explain how writing helps you clear your mind and recomposes yourself. Then you feel down again for the emptiness in clearing your head. Well written, and you do a fine job of making the reader visualize your emotions. We as writers know all to well you're point of view.
Edit/Grammar: I didn't see anything I would change as far as the body of the poem. But I did see one word that needs changed. Then* is the first word of the 4th last line should be Than. Unless you make the previous word have a period.
i.e. I would rather take that. Then the emptiness...otherwise it should read,
I would rather take that. Than the ...
I hope that helps?
Favorite part: The middle- like taking out the trash. It grows full and then needs dumped onto paper...
Hello,
I saw this in the read and review section, so here are my thoughts.
Overall: Love it! You start out uncertain, then with hope and prayer realize things aren't so bad after all. Uplifting and inspirational for all walks of life.
Edit/Grammar: Possibly, service with a smile. Now it does not feel- could have a little more in those lines to flow with the rest of the poem? But this does work, so take this with a grain of salt. I didn't see any grammar challenges.
Favorite part: The last four lines. This ties everything together and completes your uplifting message!
I saw this poem on the read and review section, so here are my thoughts on this poem.
Overall: Love it! Very nice picture painted with a boy and his dog relaxing after a hard days work.
This flows very well and I can identify with this immensely when I was younger.
Grammar/editions: I didn't see any grammar challenges. Take this with a grain of salt, possibly change the word "will" to with in 2nd stanza 2nd line. But upon further review, nope-wouldn't change a thing.
Favorite part: The whole last stanza! Far as the chores of another day...Awesome job.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.14 seconds at 11:18am on Dec 23, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
