HaHa! Just need some illustrations. your rainbow is backwards, but thats the world we live in. About OUR side...../ And if we could use it. I would have made that two lines. And added AND. However, it seems as if you have everything under control here...SOoo......CONTINUE!!!
normaly i wouldnt stress punctuation, but a few ,,s might make this read more smoothly. also some lines feel split in strange places... then i dated a boy- who looked like his very being- was composed of hair products- and different scented soaps....... is how i would have split that... i left out -body- here because i feel you dont need it. most soaps go on some part of the body... however being descriptive is a big piece of writing... just my thoughts
the way you broke this down feels awkwerd when i read it. i believe in love for those who have found it for i have been in love many times do i understand love between two people or am i in love just with the idea ..... is how i would have wrote it
this is Good BUT...... I think you can expand...........and the lemmings who, jump so readily, off their cliffs, in the hope, to fill the rift......... I remember what they told me, I remember what you sold/showed me........... are the waterlilies, and those souls, I place at your grave........
I can only say keep writing, didn't read all but you use your vocab well, some phrases sound cut, hard edged. I would say... greater than your heart can give, a single life, not worth to live, but my heart, and soul devoured....... but you should write what comes to you, just go over it a few times, and fine tune.
I would add some description between lines
I remember the first time I saw you,
I could only stare,
I remember our first kiss,
but not how I got there,
something like that, but that's just a thought. Really the way you wrote it is fine, I think that a poem is best when the writer has their own style
i love poems that remember the people we've lost, and pass on the lessons that they taught . i hope that this poem touches whoever reads it, as it touched me
your feelings come through great, but it makes me feel there should be more, more description, more..... I don't know, just keep putting your feelings out there.
REALLY LIKED IT... BUT.
LINE 9 CHECK YOUR SPELLING
AND LINE 12...[ YOU TOUCHED ME WITH PASSION WITH AN INTEREST]
MAYBE... PASSION AND INTEREST.... OR ...WITH PASSION, WITH INTEREST..... OR ...WITH A PASSIONATE INTEREST
BUT MAYBE THATS JUST WHAT YOU WANTED, BUT I THINK I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT A BIT DIFFERENT
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