He seems awful lonely. I like this. You can easily connect with the character, whether actually relating to him or not. The way you describe things in here make it so easy to describe. But that second paragraph, you kind of mix the metaphors around as far as I could tell. Maybe it was on purpose I don't know. Like for example when you write- "The one thing about rubber bands is they are fragile. You can't fight them. If you do, everything is left to fate." How does fighting rubber bands lead to being left to fate? Wouldn't fighting rubber bands break? It kind of jumps from one subject to another leaving an open space in between, if that makes any sense. Just something to think about :). Besides that though I really liked it, keep it up!
I don't know much about poems but I liked it. It's rhythm I guess I should say (?) took me a few lines to get. I like the story your telling with the poem, asking God not to leave. One part I especially like is when you say- "Each breath that I take is hallow and quick how can love make one so sick". Well anyway, I think it's awesome. Hope it helped!
Haha! I love it! Entertaining and giving a message at the same time. I definitely like the part about the Yule Lads. Only, I don't get why they should ask for clothes and not toys. The poem caught my attention the moment I started to read the first line. Bravo!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fluffy817
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 1:22pm on Nov 08, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
