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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/flogenic
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Review of Crushed  Open in new Window.
Review by Flogenic Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Conceptually, I quite enjoy this piece. But even recognizing what a short work it is, the narrative feels a little stop-and-go, and certain lines were less than crystal clear: "By decided I don't mean Go now!" (I understand the idea, but not because that sentence does its job to convey your message). Look at every word, and think of its relevance to the story and its message. Especially in such a short piece, I'm sure you can weed out redundant, vague, or unnecessary language and subsequently have a much stronger piece. With a little revision, I'm sure you have something strong here.
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