All in all, I think this was a good effort. However, there were several things that jumped out at me as I read this. First of all, in the last sentence of the first paragraph, part of the sentence is missing. Also, there were a few places where you could have joined two sentences together, like the third and fourth sentences of the second paragraph. I don't know if you were editing this and you just forgot to delete the old sentences, but in paragraph three there are two separate redundencies: the part about no one being there and the sound of the wind in the trees, and her heavy feet and sweaty brow. Finally, I felt that more description and explanation is needed about the mom and why she is the way she is. At the end of the story, the reader is kind of left hanging, wondering what would provoke the mother to do something like that seemingly out of the blue. Again, I think this piece is a good effort and has potential, but it just needs some cleaning up. Thank you for writing this. :)
This was very well-written. I could really feel the wife's pain as she goes about doing all those things for her husband, desperate for his love, while he simply ignores her. The ending is expected by the time you get to the wife's illness, but it's still heart-felt and sad. Overall, it was a sad, but good read.
Are you sure you're only in high school? :) You write in a very mature manner--good detail and descriptions. I was very impressed with this and your other piece. Keep up the good work, I'd like to see more of it.
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