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Review of Prologue  Open in new Window.
Review by raven Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there. This is a pretty good intro, has lots of elements of a good story. Introduces the characters and shows some of their traits through brief but revealing dialogue.

Also my interest was peaked by the odd situation of the old guy coming out of nowhere and even more by the extra pair of eyes watching, and the last sentence.

Here's a purely technical consideration:

"When he returned he had his deer rifle with him, and no other thought than to save his son, he fired. Not once, but twice. The slugs from the 12-guage shotgun weighed more than an ounce each, and fired at a range of less than 15 feet, could kill from the shock alone"

a deer rifle and a 12-guage are not the same thing, and although you can hunt deer with a shotgun (if you really had to) , using slugs as you mentioned, this is notoriously innaccurate and it would be unlikely you could single out and hit one person in a violent struggle.

You probably know this, i know this was a first draft.

good job,

jason
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