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1
1
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Yay! So glad you won...it's a wonderfully awesome image! *Gold* *Shamrock* *Heart*
2
2
Review of Dear Ingrid  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "Dear Ingrid" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Hey Minja! I'm here because I'm taking part in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window., and I saw this in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window....and I specifically chose your item because I'm familiar with your work and admire the sincerity that often shines through in it. This poem is no exception.

What I Really Liked: I love how you were able to open up to this woman, who only a few days before was a complete stranger and just another guest on your cruise ship- another customer at the job. I've done a lot of customer service work in my life, and I know how easy it can be sometimes to bond with certain customers; for me it's the ones who came in every day and were pleasant and nice and ya always looked forward to seeing them and catching up with them. Ingrid overcame something remarkable and chose to share that with you; in that you were able to turn around and share this letter to her with us...that speaks volumes about the impact she had on you, and you've related that to us very lovingly.

Spelling And Grammar: I didn't note any spelling errors, but I did catch a few tiny, fixable grammar issues. In the fourth line (for these purposes I'm not counting "Dear Ingrid," as line 1; I'm starting at what would be the body of the letter itself, if that's ok), I think I'd add an "s" to "shape"; I think that's the best fit for that line. In the fifth line, I'd stick an "a" in between "than" and "few". In line 13, eliminate that first comma and end the line itself with a semicolon (I know semicolons are tricky for a lot of people; in this instance it's more of a suggestion that I would do, so feel free to ignore it if you want *Laugh*). In your first popnote, I think "spring" should be plural...you're using it like an action verb.

Suggestions: Keep in mind Minj that these are just ideas and not meant to be criticisms in any way...I totally understand you're ESL and that doesn't factor at all into how I've read and reviewed this, and these suggestions only reflect how I'd read it in English (I hope you don't mind me doing that). Line 11 sounds a bit cluttered when said aloud; the commas don't really work there. I'd consider something like "and that your journey, paved by thorns,"...that sounds a bit smoother and cleaner. Line 14 also sounds like it's missing something, but I'm having a little bit of difficulty trying to figure out what might work best there. Maybe eliminate "in"? Or stick a "the" in before "beauty"? I guess it'd depend on what you thought would be best in that situation. Finally, I think I'd use "significance" instead of "signification"...not sure that what you had was the right form of the word there.

Final Thoughts: A really thoughtful, touching item...like I alluded to earlier, I can definitely relate to and appreciate the circumstances in which you met Ingrid, and it's sweet that you were able to have this meaningful time with her. Not only does your poem reflect that, but it also shines a light on your caring nature. Sometimes it's easy to get overwhelmed by a lot of the negativity we see in the world, but reading this brought a warm smile to my face...thank you so much for writing this *Heart*.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

Write on!
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3
3
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is ""Oh, Really, Joey, you can't say that!"" Open in new Window., as part of the package you won in "The Four Seasons Auction and Raffle" Open in new Window....please, at your earliest convenience, get back to me with the Merit Badge (30DBC Winner or Blog Camping) that you'd like. If I don't hear back within a couple of days or so, I'll pick one and send it out.

First Impression: Hey Joey! Nice to see you back around WDC a little more! Hope all is well *Smile*. As you probably know I read a lot of blogs each month because of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Open in new Window., but I also try to make a little time for interesting blogs I happen to catch on the newsfeed from time to time, and yours is one of them. Your entries are witty and often packed with a combination of personal anecdotes, humor, and a wealth of information, all served up in a conversational tone that readers can really dig into and hopefully appreciate.

What I Really Liked: Variety! You take prompts from various sources, which shows off your versatility and knowledge. You're not afraid to take on any topic, and you approach it with well-thought out responses without attacking or accusing anyone. You make excellent use of WritingML, and the relevant pictures, videos, and links add flavor to the already well-seasoned and marinated explanations and rationales you cook up.

Spelling And Grammar: I don't normally pay too much attention to this when I'm reviewing blogs (unless it's obvious and/or atrocious) but man, I couldn't get past the title! You're missing a closing quotation mark! Other than that, I really didn't notice too much other than an occasional capitalized word that didn't need it, or a random typo...not a big deal because as you put it in "The Old Question, be hard" Open in new Window., "Blogs are known for their all too casual writing...".

Suggestions: Another category I'm hesitant to judge too precisely when I'm reviewing blogs...because there's no one set formula or criteria, and everyone's different. Blogging is a loose representation of the author, in my opinion, and who am I to tell anyone what or how to write? That said, if I were forced to make one suggestion to you, it'd be MORE!! WDC needs more Joey C.! I understand it's not easy for everyone to constantly churn out blog entries on anything and everything whenever the mood strikes, and you know there's a bunch of different blogging groups that offer daily and weekly prompts...you've got a distinct voice coming through in your entries, your tone is "casual but informed conversation", and that's a combination frankly I don't think there's enough of around WDC.

Final Thoughts: Very much a pleasure to dig in and remind myself that your blog should be destination reading for wide and varied audience. Keep doing what you do...it seems like you're the kind of person who enjoys it, and I hope that others do as well.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

Write on!
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4
4
Review of Stars  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Thanks for taking part in "Write From the Heart - Story Contest" Open in new Window. Jamie, and I hope you're enjoying your WDC experience so far! A quick peek at your bio here tells me English is your second language...I never would've guessed that after reading this piece; it's my native language, I've been speaking it for over 40 years, and this reads much better than what I would've put together *Laugh*.

What I Really Liked: You've got two characters here that I could easily visualize, and I'd argue that you've included a third, secondary (yet well-defined) character in the sky/stars. The "she" seems very likable and almost easy to fall in love with based on how you wrote her, while the narrator is kind of a prick and is fairly easy to be annoyed at, if I'm being honest and judging your character's, ummm, character *Wink*. "She" also has a little bit of sass to her, as noted by this segment of the story: "...settling her eyes on me. 'Even if something lacks, it can still be perfect to me.'" That it goes unnoticed by the narrator, who is too busy searching for his/her own way of kind of "owning" the narrative of the conversation, also works to define the narrator a bit as well...he/she doesn't acknowledge in this instance her wit (although he does claim that later on in the story).

Spelling And Grammar: One line really stood out to me that raised any concern: "We’d watch TV, her favourite shows are always quite nerve wreaking." First, I'd separate the two parts of the sentence with a semicolon rather than a comma. Second, "wreaking" isn't quite the right choice of spelling (or word) in that situation, according to the Dictionary.com definition of "nerve-wracking"  Open in new Window.. Other than that, I really didn't notice anything that stood out.

Suggestions: Two things that aren't really suggestions so much as things I wanna point out: 1) I don't know if the dialogue section really needs to be in italics, or if it serves the story at all. I don't really think it's necessary. 2) I don't know the actual rules and/or reasoning regarding the use of ellipses (...), but I know how I use them and how I read them, which could be why the way you've used them here throws me off. There doesn't (in my opinion) need to be a space after them. Another example: in a sentence like this one, "...based on things we disagree on… But loved ones?", I'd consider skipping the space and making the B in "But" lower-case so it flows as one complete sentence. Just my thoughts though.

Final Thoughts: An engaging and interesting read! I enjoyed your characters and could appreciate the kind of relationship they have with one another. Thanks for entering WFTH and good luck this round...also, as a WDC Newbie, if you ever have any questions about anything, please don't hesitate to ask! *Smile*

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

Write on!
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5
5
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "Walking Through the Woods on a Misty Day" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Hey WW! Sorry for the delay in getting out your "The 30DBC Mega-Raffle Extravaganza!" Open in new Window. package, but here it is...I have to admit, most of the time I come across your writing via the Comedy Newsletter, and I always enjoy your stories and getting a good chuckle from them. When deciding on what to review, I was tempted to just look for something along those lines, but then I saw this piece and noticed it wasn't awarded for anything. I checked it out and I'm glad I did, as it showed me a slightly different side of you than I'm accustomed to.

What I Really Liked: I'm not sure why, but I love the imagery in the last sentence of the opening paragraph. I had top read it a few times to really get what it was saying and how it played around in my head verbally, but it stuck with me. I also could appreciate the conflict between not wanting to disturb nature but also wanting to preserve the specific moment, and how it isn't easy to describe what it feels like. That to me was something you did well throughout the body of the column, and it's a theme that will stay with me as much as (if not longer than) the idea of the dragonfly being a messenger and how that resonated with you.

Spelling And Grammar: Everything here seems fine except for the third word in the entire piece: you capitalized "walking", which does not need it (unless there's some kind of hidden context for it, which is unexplained). Other than that one little typo, everything else checks out.

Suggestions: Honestly, I'm not sure what suggestions I could possibly make that would be helpful...it's a piece built on personal reflection and it has an engaging feel and message. It's written in your voice, meaning I feel like you're telling me this as I'm reading it. That's something I enjoy when I read other people's works...I don't want it to sound like generic copy; I prefer a more personable feel. This has that.

Final Thoughts: What a nice read! I'm surprised that this hasn't been awarded anything, given that your port has Awardicons on practically everything *Laugh*. I'm glad I dug around and found this...and thank you so much for your support of "The 30DBC Mega-Raffle Extravaganza!" Open in new Window.! *Bigsmile*

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

Write on!
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6
6
Review of Winter Wonderland  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "Winter Wonderland" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Hello and welcome to WDC! Disclaimer: I don't normally read short stories, but I'm finding it hard to come across poems right now, so I took a chance on this and I'm pretty pleased! Speaking as someone who really doesn't like snow, of course *Laugh*.

What I Really Liked: Your use of imagery is good...you paint a picture one can easily visualize *Thumbsupl*. And the sarcasm at the end made me chuckle a little.

Spelling And Grammar: I'm not an expert here, and I don't think I noticed any blatant spelling errors...but this line really threw me off: "I shoes ok shove my arms into my coat sleeves..." Not sure what you were going for there or if it was just a typo, or if you were saying it that way in your head as you were typing and left it. Also, I could be wrong about this, but here I don't think you need to capitalize "Mom" and "Dad" each time...I don't think it's necessary.

Suggestions: It's probably just a typo, but at the very end, after "Wonderland", you probably meant to use a period rather than a comma. Unless I'm reading an unfinished story, which is also a possibility.

Final Thoughts: Hey, thanks for sharing this with us! Hope your WDC experience is long and fruitful!

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

Write on!
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7
7
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
Nicely done Neva! *Bigsmile*


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8
8
Review of Moving Day  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "Moving Day" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Hello and a belated welcome to WDC, Peaches Author Icon! I found this piece using the random Read & Review tool, so I took a peek and liked what I saw.

What I Really Liked: I enjoyed how you held out a bit the reason why someone was moving (even though your first paragraph implies it's the end of some kind of relationship). It would've been easy to assume that maybe someone was going off to college, as colleges have just started up for the semester in my area. I also liked some of your word choices, and your imagery was unique...it added a bit of flavor to what could be considered a sad type of situation.

Spelling And Grammar: I took a quick glance at your port and bio before reading this, and that might explain how a word like "removalists" can show up in here...it's a word I'd never heard of in this particular context, and I thought it was brilliant! I think in the US we just refer to them as "movers"...but "removalists" sounds better now! Other than that, no issues at all with spelling or grammar.

Suggestions: In your second paragraph: "She wondered the house"...I think that should be "She wandered the house". And in the third paragraph, I'd consider separating the second sentence with a semicolon between "love" and "John"...but that's just my opinion and how'd I'd do it. I don't really ever write fiction or short stories though, so take that as you will *Laugh*. Other than that, I think you've done a good job and I wouldn't change anything else.

Final Thoughts: I appreciate you taking the time to share your work with us at WDC, and I hope you enjoy your time here! If you ever have any site-related questions or need help with anything, please don't hesitate to ask!

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

Write on!
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9
9
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "What's She Up to Now? Jody's Life Blog" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Just hangin' around, doing random reviews...the Read & Review item generator was giving me a bunch of stories I wasn't into, so I figured I may as well start reviewing items I've actually read recently *Laugh*.

What I Really Liked: I've read tons of blogs over the years, and some stand out for one reason or another, and some just all sound boring and the same. Yours falls into the first category, because you have a voice that distinguishes itself and isn't there just to be there. You're not writing entries just to be a part of something; you're also writing to share your experiences and be read, and that really comes out on your entries.

Spelling And Grammar: Everyone makes mistakes occasionally, and sometimes we spot them and sometimes we don't, but you're usually pretty good about the spelling and grammar. I tend to notice and get distracted by it when I see it, and I don't usually have that problem when I read your entries.

Suggestions: Far be it from me to tell anyone how they should write their blog entries *Laugh*. You've done a great job so far, and I'm sure you'll continue to do well whenever you choose to write an entry.

Final Thoughts: It's been a pleasure getting to know you through GoT and the 30DBC, and I look forward to reading more of your stuff down the road! And thanks again for taking part in August's camping adventure! *Bigsmile*

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

Write on!
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10
10
Review of The Arrival  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "The Arrival" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Hello hippychick Author Icon, and welcome to WDC! I found your item using the random Read & Review tool, and it looked interesting so I thought I'd take a look. I wasn't disappointed; I though this was a well-written piece that shows an appreciation for the beauty of a sunrise.

What I Really Liked: I enjoyed the imagery you used...I really felt like I was there, taking part in watching it along with you and your cat. Speaking of the cat, adding him into the mix was a nice touch...it added another dimension to a topic that can sometimes become cliche.

Spelling And Grammar: The one thing I noticed as far as spelling goes...in your second-to-last paragraph, second sentence in: "...as I join the sun in it's process of rising...", the apostrophe isn't necessary in "it's". Obviously a spell-check run isn't gonna pick that up, but it's an easy fix. Other than that, I didn't notice any other major spelling errors. As far as grammar, just about everything checks out (but I'm no expert). The only spot that I'm getting kinda hung up on is that same sentence I just mentioned...it feels really long for some reason. I don't know for sure that it's grammatically incorrect, but it does feel a bit like a run-on. Also, I'm not sure if this is really an issue or not, but your opening lines start out in past tense, while the remainder of the essay is in present tense. It's something I tend to struggle with once in awhile, maintaining a consistent tense...not sure how you'd want to fix that though, because it does make sense (to me at least, but you might run into people once in awhile who are sticklers for that sort of thing).

Suggestions: Honestly, besides what I mentioned in the Spelling/Grammar section of this review, I don't think I'd really change anything else. I like the idea of this piece, the sentiment of it, and how descriptive it is.

Final Thoughts: Thank you for sharing this with us! I hope you're enjoying WDC so far, and if you have any site-related questions or concerns, or need help with anything, please don't hesitate to ask! *Smile*

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

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11
11
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "Rendezvous on the beach" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Hello Abe Author Icon! I came across this piece via the random Read & Review item generator, and I just wanted to leave a few thoughts on it.

What I Really Liked: I enjoy nostalgic pieces like this...summertime memories, the hint of young love (or even just an innocent crush). And I do enjoy that even though this is labeled as Prose and is written in a free-verse manner, it flows nicely...there doesn't seem to be one steady rhythm, but it moves along well and it helps push the story itself along.

Spelling And Grammar: In the second line, I'm wondering if "in the north west" should be "on the northwest". I'm also unsure as to why you used the apostrophes around Thalawila...I don't believe they're necessary, because you explain what it is in the next line.

Suggestions: This is only my opinion; it's your piece and you can do what you want, but I would suggest punctuating it and using capitalization when necessary. While I enjoy certain styles of writing that don't utilize these, I think this piece would be better served if it read more like sentences (because of the story you're telling). Also, in the first line of the fourth part, I would remove the comma between "fish" and "the fishermen"...it's not necessary. And then, in the last couple parts, there's a bit of repetition that could be massaged out...like "beauty/beautiful", and multiple instances of "away". A little variance can sometimes go a long way.

Final Thoughts: Like I mentioned earlier, I do enjoy pieces like this that trade in nostalgia and the remembering of innocent times. I think you're well on your way toward having a really beautiful piece here. Thank you for sharing it with us on WDC...I hope you enjoy your time here, and if you ever have any site-related questions or need help with something, please don't hesitate to ask! *Smile*

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

Write on!
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12
12
Review of Reflections  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "Reflections" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Hello zebrashark Author Icon! This is a short, simple piece, but it conveys a message I think that's often overlooked...are we what we see, or do we become what is shown back to us?

What I Really Liked: I dig the separation of the line "Don't know which side is the scariest.", and how you paired the rhyme with "mysterious". As I mentioned, I think the idea this piece brings up is overlooked...I don't know that people really pay much attention to their reflections in mirrors and what they mean; they're just making sure their clothes or hair are right, and they're not thinking much more beyond that. Also, I'm not usually crazy about repetition (especially in shorter pieces like this), but you changed up the last two parts just enough to separate them stylistically while driving home your point...it works well in this situation.

Spelling And Grammar: No spelling or grammar issues that stand out in this item.

Suggestions: It's not really a suggestion as much as it's a pet peeve of mine...I'm not an expert and I don't know what "the rules" say about this, but it's my belief that you don't have to capitalize each line, especially if the line starts in the middle of a sentence. But that's just my opinion, and everyone does things their own way.

Final Thoughts: This was a pretty thought-provoking little item, and I'm glad I came across it this afternoon! Welcome to WDC...I hope you enjoy your time here, and if you ever need help with anything or have any questions about something, don't hesitate to ask! *Smile*

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

Write on!
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13
13
Review of The Horror Near  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "Thermostat" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Hello Brent Vaughn Author Icon, and welcome to WDC! I found your item while doing some random reviews, so if you don't mind I'd like to share a few thoughts on it.

What I Really Liked: Seems like there are a lot of poems being posted as of late in the horror genre! Maybe it's me, but I don't think I've seen so many as I've seen recently. What makes this stand out to me is that these could almost serve as song lyrics as well. The way the rhyme scheme alternates with each verse and the near-repetition of the awake/dreaming lines would serve that purpose well.

Spelling And Grammar: No spelling or grammar errors that I'm aware of, but I'm not an expert.

Suggestions: I don't know that I have anything I could say specifically to make this better, even though I rated it 4.0. I guess, because I don't read a lot of the horror/scary genre, most of your ancillary don't come off as generic to the genre (I know that's not really a suggestion). I will say that I don't think in this instance all your lines need to start with capital letters...because they don't feel like they're meant to be read as complete sentences. They're more like thoughts yelled or screamed in agony.

Final Thoughts: I like this...there's a good amount of emotion in this, whether it's intentional or not. I know I'm probably not the right person when it comes to whether or not this is actually "scary", but you do an excellent job at the "death" and "dark" parts, which I think carries more weight than just a catch-all term like "horror/scary". Great work!

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

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14
14
Review of The Devil's Tune  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "The Devil's Tune" Open in new Window..

First Impression: I was just going through some random items when yours came up, so I decided to take a look...the title and description sounded interesting enough.

What I Really Liked: I do like that there's a loose rhyme scheme underneath what could be considered free verse. The story told within this item also plays out well. This isn't the kind of poem I typically read, which makes this fresh and interesting for me, and it has the making of something in the horror genre.

Spelling And Grammar: I don't think I saw any major spelling errors or anything of concern.

Suggestions: I will say I am a little torn, however. This item revolves from a structural standpoint primarily around sentence fragments, which I don't have a problem with. But there are inconsistencies with capital letters and the beginnings of lines and with punctuation...you use it for dialogue but nowhere else (save for a random mid-line comma toward the middle of this item), and I'm not sure how I feel about that given the way some of your sentences come off. Also, there are occasional hiccups where the timing of each line seems to work against you (I know I mentioned that as something I liked, but it's also a bit all over the place and it stunts your rhythm). If you were inclined to rework this item in the future, I would suggest at the very least a more consistent approach syllable-wise...by adding a rhythmic element you can almost up the sinister, evil vibe this piece might want to make use of. Just a thought though. Also, no need to rewrite the title of the poem in your item body. It's already at the top of the page in bold, so including it in your piece like that isn't necessary.

Final Thoughts: I understand that this was written quite awhile ago and for a contest, so I hope you did well...and like I said, this review is meant to help you only if it's something down the road you think you might be interested in reworking a little. The story you're telling is great and the idea in general is excellent. Keep up the good work!

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

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15
15
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "A God Who's Not There" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Hello and welcome to WDC Jenny! I'm honored you asked me to review this item; as I don't get requests much and I don't consider myself to be one of the top reviewers at WDC. I'll be glad to tell you what I think, if you don't mind.

What I Really Liked: Wow, this brings back some memories for me. Not to make this personal, because I don't want to take anything away from what you're saying in this item, but I remember seeing my dad and stepmother fight a long, long time ago from what I thought was a safe distance, and it was always tense in those moments. It does give me a sense of relateability though, and I know we're (the protagonist and I...I have no idea of this is from your own personal experiences or not) not the the only ones who have had to go through this.

Spelling And Grammar: No spelling errors that I've seen here, but there's one line that needs attention: "And so back does she goes, alone in her doom"...probably just a typo and it's an easy fix. Maybe "And so back does she go, alone in her doom."?

Suggestions: Keep in mind that this is just my opinion...but I would punctuate the end of most of your lines. They read fine as sentences, and with your use of commas and dialogue at times it would help to maintain the consistency of the piece overall. Not every line needs periods, mind you, but most. If this were free verse and nothing was capitalized, well, that's a different story...but personally I think when rhyming each line without a set tempo or meter, you should probably incorporate true breaks with periods at the end of each complete thought. Oh...one more thing: in your Brief Description, I think you mean parents' instead of parent's. Assuming there is more than one parent involved, of course, but it's not certain because not everyone considers a step-parent a true parent, know what I mean?

Final Thoughts: A very sad, passionate piece...and no child or teenager should have to see their parents go at it in times of turmoil and trouble, especially when it escalates. As much as I hope this isn't from personal recollection, it resonates very strikingly to true-life situations that unfortunately happen all too often. And sometimes, for those who aren't directly involved, writing about them or even reading what others go through during similar circumstances can be therapeutic. I appreciate you sharing this with us; not only can it help others who have gone through this, but perhaps it can encourage people as well.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

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16
16
Review of Dear 13 Yr Old Me  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "Dear 13 Yr Old Me" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Welcome to WDC. Literarycat Author Icon! I'm glad you found us and I hope throughout your WDC experience you can say the same. I hope you don't mind me sharing a few words with you about your piece, which is a beautiful look back and a welcome bit of advice we can all take some pointers from.

What I Really Liked: I think many of us could've stood to see a letter like this in our mailbox from our older selves while we were growing up! Ahhh, if we only knew then what we know now...life would've been much easier, and maybe more rewarding> But we're who we are because of the struggles we go through, and it's also important to know that. You don't sugarcoat it. That in itself fits the "Inspirational" genre you listed, and I can appreciate that.

Spelling And Grammar: No spelling errors that I came across, but I'll admit I wasn't totally paying attention because I was sort of lost in the overall message...so no glaring mistakes, which leaves a cleaner angle to concentrating on your main points.

Suggestions: Just a few petty things that probably side more on my preferences...I would probably word the sentence There is a saying "gold refined in the fire," that you will be you. a little differently...maybe with different punctuation. Like There is a saying: "gold refined in the fire"; that you will be you. A few sentences later, I would suggest Some can be mended and other learned from. look more like Some can be mended; others should be learned from. And later in the same paragraph, I would make "adventure" plural (and stick an "and" before that part in the sentence, although it isn't necessary if it's stream-of-conscious thinking)...more adventures = more experiences, both good and bad, and we become more well-rounded from it all. And no one wants just one adventure! Life's a series of adventures, whether thrilling or otherwise *Wink*. But these are just my opinions, and you're free to take them however you see fit, or not at all.

Final Thoughts: It's awesome that you took the time to do this, and I'm glad you shared it with us. Sometimes we need that look back, if only to tell us we'll eventually turn out ok. If I knew at 35 what I know at 40, maybe I'd be different...and if I knew at 13 what I learned at 33, would I have gone through the same experiences? Who knows? But it's good to be able to look back and reassure ourselves that things happen for a reason...whatever that reason is.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

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17
17
Review of A Proper Burial  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "A Proper Burial" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Hello, J.G.! I don't normally read short stories, but for some unexplained reason I was intrigued by the title and description, so I hung around. It's an interesting story about death, and I'm glad I read it. Keep in mind that everything I'm saying is just my opinion, and any suggestions are just that- you're free to take them or leave them. I'm not sure if this is a true story from your past or just something of an idea that you turned into a story, so please forgive me if I treat this more from a fictional perspective...I do not mean in any way to disrespect the deceased.

What I Really Liked: I wasn't prepared for the twist at the end, which makes me think this piece could very well be read like a trailer for a movie. Sean's mom coming to mourn her "only son"...yet Sean also has a brother? This has Quentin Tarantino or The Coen Brothers written all over it (and I mean that as a compliment...although I'm not entirely familiar with their total bodies of work).

Spelling And Grammar: The spelling in this story looks alright...I didn't notice any major errors that stuck out. Toward the end you mention going to "grandparent's house", and that's fine if it's one grandparent (in which case I would specify "grandmother" or "grandfather"), but I think if you mean the pair/couple, I would put the apostrophe after the "s" instead of before. Also, this sentence: "The two of us lay down and before I know it, I was sleep." I would change "know" to "knew", and "sleep" to "asleep".

Suggestions: I would eliminate the dashes before the dialogue in the very beginning. No one does that. It's not necessary. Also, to make it easier for the reader, put a full line space between your paragraphs. This will also help to enhance your dialogue, as each new speaker requires the start of a new paragraph (if I'm not mistaken).

Final Thoughts: Like I mentioned earlier, I think you're on a good path toward something more compelling here...think of it as the trailer for a movie in which weird things happen. You can eventually go into detail with chapters about the accident, Sean's past, his mysterious brother, the relationship between your dad and aunt, and so on. You may really be just scratching the surface with this story! *Smile*

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

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18
18
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "PRAIRIE WIDE AND MOUNTAINS HIGH" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Greetings, Monty Author Icon...I hope you're enjoying your WDC experience so far! I see that you've entered this item in The Bard's Hall lyrics contest this month...I just entered an older piece of my own, and I decided to check out some of the other entries.

What I Really Liked: This has an old-time country/western vibe to it. Seems very easy to sing along to; the rhythm seems easy to pick up. I can almost picture this being sung on the front porch by a guy with a banjo and another guy just stompin' his foot with some backbeat. I also like the sense of longing intimated in the lyrics themselves...it's a theme that is relatable across many different genres, and it works very well here.

Spelling And Grammar: I didn't notice any major spelling or grammar errors, but I don't really pay much attention to that when I know I'm looking at lyrics more than something geared perhaps toward one day being studied by a high school Literature class.

Suggestions: Having said that however, because I appreciate your consistent use of punctuation throughout, there are a few spots where your commas might be a bit more of a hindrance in your tempo and don't seem necessary. For example, in what I assume is your chorus, after the second line I'd call it the end of the sentence and use a period...then start the third line "Perhaps to never find you,/ but for the rest of my life to try." It's just my opinion, but I think it works out well that way. Then, in your third verse, I would consider using a semicolon after the first line ("...rodeo clown;/ put in time...") based on how it's worded. Again, just my opinion and I know it's a small but subtle change, although it may affect how other people choose to read and/or sing this to themselves.

Final Thoughts: Good luck with this in The Bard's Hall contest! Even though I'm not much of a fan of this style of music, I can still appreciate something that is well-written and conveys a beautiful bunch of sentiments properly. Thanks for sharing this with us!

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

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19
19
Review of The Potato Seller  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "The Potato Seller" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Greetings and welcome to WDC, Cassie! I came across your item while doing some random Newbie reviews, and quite honestly I was intrigued by the title alone...I hope you don't mind me sharing my thoughts on your work.

What I Really Liked: Excellent imagery! Your words paint a picture as if the reader is actually there...I get a really good idea of what's going on. I see that this is listed as "Biographical", so I assume this was something you witnessed.

Spelling And Grammar: I don't believe I see any spelling errors here. I would, however, question the use of "kindly" in the seventh line. I would suggest flipping it with "face" so that "kindly" works as an adverb for "breaks"...or, change it to "Her kind face...". But that's just my opinion...take it or leave it. *Wink*

Suggestions: I'm also not crazy about capitalizing each line even if they fall in the middle of a sentence, but that could just be a personal preference of mine. I come from the belief that as the writer you can do pretty much whatever you want in free verse or free form poetry, and since I can't detect a particular form or style being used here, there's no need to be stuck to the old idea that commas and capital letters are important. Again, that's just my opinion. Oh, and even though it's probably my favorite line in the entire piece, in your very first line I would hyphenate "weather worn".

Final Thoughts: I think this is a pretty cool piece! I'm glad I came across it this afternoon. I hope you're enjoying your WDC experience so far, and if you find yourself needing help with anything please don't hesitate to ask!

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

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20
20
Review of Transformation  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "Transformation" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Hello and welcome to WDC! I was looking for some newbies to read and I came across your item. It interested me because the description evokes a feeling of positive, healthy change...and I think often we get sucked into the idea that poetry is often bleak, dreary and brooding. It's nice to read something that isn't.

What I Really Liked: The animal metaphors throughout are a nice touch, especially the caterpillar/butterfly one. But moving away from the animals and into inanimate objects is also a good way to describe how things can become bigger and better in spirit.

Spelling And Grammar: A couple things here...in the eighth line, "its" should be "it's". There are some punctuation issues as well...many of these lines could probably be better separated by a semicolon rather than a comma, and your last line works best without the comma (but that's mostly my opinion...I'm not an expert).

Suggestions: Content-wise, I don't see anything in need of improvement here. Like I said in my last section, I would take a good look at the punctuation (or more specifically, the commas). I don't know how reliable this piece of advice is, but a good rule of thumb is that if you're trying to combine two sentence fragments, or a fragment and a short sentence, or two short sentences that can also stand on their own, use a semicolon. I'm sure that's not how it's explained in grammar textbooks, but that's kind of what I go by.

Final Thoughts: It's a pleasure to read an uplifting piece about personal improvement and growth! Sometimes it feels like there just aren't enough of them. This was a joy to read and I'm glad I came across it! I hope your WDC experience is going well so far and if you find yourself needing any help with anything, please ask! *Smile*

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

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21
21
Review of Until We Met  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "Until We Met" Open in new Window.

First Impression: Hello and welcome to WDC! I was looking for newbies to review and I came across your port. It says "I absolutely suck at writing." I happen to disagree, and I hope you don't mind me telling you why.

What I Really Liked: In my mind, I immediately read this is song lyrics for some reason. That's just how they came to me. It may sound cheesy, and it might not have been your intent, but I could totally hear this as a piano ballad from the 1970's (and I mean that as a compliment). It's simple yet touching...an ode to the person who has shown you what it means to fall in love again.

Spelling And Grammar: No spelling issues here that I'm aware of. Grammar-wise, if these were listed as song lyrics then I'd be totally cool without punctuation. Not sure how I feel though about that as a poem...but I'm sort of picky when it comes to punctuation and capitalizing each line.

Suggestions: I don't really have any suggestions regarding this piece in particular...but give yourself some credit! This doesn't "absolutely suck"...in fact, it's far from it! The fact that someone who doesn't know you could read this one time and hear it almost as a song should count for something...just believe in yourself a little bit, read some of the other writers here when you've got some spare time, and build on all of that. Sometimes the easiest and yet hardest things we need to find as writers is confidence. If you ever read nothing more from me than this review, then you'll have to trust me. *Wink*

Final Thoughts: I appreciate you taking the time not only to write this but to share it with us at WDC. I hope you find your experience here worthwhile and that you're able to learn and grow...and if you ever need any help with anything here just let me know! *Smile*

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

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22
22
Review of Insomnia  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "Insomnia" Open in new Window..

First Impression: As a legit insomniac, I had to stop and read this *Wink*. I'm not normally into short stories, but I couldn't resist seeing how other people view insomnia.

What I Really Liked: You go pretty crazy with the descriptions here, but I like it because that's kind of all that happens when insomnia hits and everything's going through your head. All the anxiety and the want for sleep just pushes every sort of analysis into overdrive. The use of fireflies paints an apt picture of what insomnia must look like to those who have never experienced it before.

Spelling And Grammar: Nothing of note here. I was hung up for a second on "analyses" for a second, and then I Googled it because I thought there was a "z" in there instead of the first "s", but it turns out I spell it the US/Canadian way, and in your instance it's the UK way, and either way...it doesn't matter *Laugh*. Grammar-wise, this seems on point as well, though I'm no expert. A couple sentences seem really long, but that could just be my personal preference in how I write talking.

Suggestions: Please, please, please...choose a different color! *Laugh* Don't get me wrong; I like this particular color...but it's very hard to read against the WDC background. I had to tilt my laptop to make it easier on my eyes. From a writing perspective, you could break this up into an intriguing free-verse poem if you were ever so inclined (and that's primarily my writing background, which is only why I would suggest that). But that's up to you; this is all just my opinion.

Final Thoughts: I enjoyed reading this...thank you for sharing it with us! It's short but beautiful in its intent. I hope you enjoy your time at WDC and if you ever have any questions with anything, please let me know! *Smile*

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

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23
23
Review of moving day  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "moving day" Open in new Window..

First Impression: I was just doing some random reviewing and this popped up, so I decided to check it out. As someone who's changed addresses more often than I've cared to, I figured I could relate to this.

What I Really Liked: I'm definitely a fan of free-verse stuff with line breaks in non-traditional areas, and you do it very well in this item. I also like how you carry along the idea that everything once you start unpacking requires more boxes...no matter how organized you think you are when you move, this is always the case! *Laugh*

Spelling And Grammar: I didn't see anything that stood out, but I'm not really a grammar expert. Maybe in the second part use "are" instead of "is" when you're talking about the towels? It sounds a little better to me, but that's just my opinion.

Suggestions: I know I'm rating this 4.5 starts, but I'm honestly not sure what it would take to just give it 5. I'm curious to know why you made the first line bold...it does emphasize the sentiment and you do a wonderful job of explaining your point, so I guess I'm wondering why it almost feels redundant to do so. But again, that's just me.

Final Thoughts: Like I said earlier, coming from the perspective of someone who's done enough packing and unpacking, I felt I could relate to this...and I did. Your last line I think sums up a lot of the moving day experience...all the things going through your head at the time, and wondering what you might be forgetting and how everything's gonna fit in your new place, and coordinating the help, when mixed with the physical exhaustion, is not a pleasant combination! I enjoyed reading this, and I appreciate you sharing it with us!

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

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24
24
Review of Elephant Journal  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "Elephant Journal" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Greetings, and welcome to WDC! I came across this while doing some random reviews, and the title struck me as unique.

What I Really Liked: You have a lot of great ideas at work here....some really good phrasing. The third stanza in particular stands out for me, with the first two lines being more assertive in your assessment of the situation.

Spelling And Grammar: There are a few things that could use a going-over...I'm not sure if the lowercase i's throughout are intentional or not. Sometimes it can work in certain contexts, but I'm not sure if it does here (but that's just my opinion). Also, in your third stanza, "color blind" can be pushed together to make one word. And in your fourth line, "im" should be "I'm".

Suggestions: Personally, I would find a way to punctuate this. You've got some great sentences in here that could hold up in the right structure. I'm not sure how you would have to adapt some of the smaller sentence fragments into that, but given some time you could probably clean this up and turn it into something more sentimental, more moving, and more defiant if you chose to. Again, that's just my opinion...take it as you will. *Smile*

Final Thoughts: Overall, I enjoyed this item. There's a feeling behind it that makes the reader want to understand the writer, I think...but that's sorta the kind of person I am. The narrator does a great job explaining who they are and how they feel, and that makes it easier for people to relate to this item. Thanks for sharing it with us!

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

Write on!
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25
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Review of Gravity  Open in new Window.
Review by Fivesixer Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi! I'm Fivesixer Author Icon, and it's my pleasure to review your work today. Remember, this is only my opinion, so take whatever you'd like from it...after all, you're the author! *Smile* The item I'm reviewing is "Gravity" Open in new Window..

First Impression: Hello! I was told by Cinn Author Icon to check this item out because she really liked it and thought I would too. Right from the first few lines, I can tell this probably isn't gonna have a happy ending, and that's ok.

What I Really Liked: Excellent storytelling. I especially liked the imagery of the night in the park...and adding a name to a type of place gives it a more specific, personal feel. You balance out the emotion of a break-up well with reminiscing of a better time (even if it does come at her expense- maybe a little pre-poetic justice).

Spelling And Grammar: No spelling issues that I could see. The punctuation is a little choppy, especially in the first part...it feels like there are a lot of commas but not enough complete sentences. There seems to be some missing periods too...the ends of the first two parts could use one, and definitely one at the end of the piece itself.

Suggestions: I would definitely take a look at the punctuation consistency. In a piece like this, you can break up the lines like you did but still have them read like full sentences. That might help out the way this flows. But it's your poem; I'm not an expert. I also don't think you need to capitalize each line...as a reader that throws me off a little in the style this was written in. Again, just a thought.

Final Thoughts: Even though this comes out of a sad situation, I enjoyed reading this because of the sentiments behind it. You cover all the bases; the range of emotions a person experiences when the significant other drops off your belongings and faces you for what is probably the last time. Overall, this is an excellent piece.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to check out your work at WDC! I hope you found this review helpful and encouraging! *Smile*

Write on!
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