Hi, navansa13 . I have just finished reading "Spring Break Project" and would like to offer some comments as a student of the "PDG Rockin' Review Academy"
Please note, before I begin, that I am not an expert at reviews and the following comments are provided with the best of intentions, from one writer to another. I hope you will find some of my thoughts helpful, and leave behind those you do not.
Overall Impression: Fascinating! The struggles in the life of a teenager seeking her own identity, laid out in a journal, provides a unique and creative viewpoint. I found that the piece flowed nicely and was pleasurable to read. Your character was quite believable and honest. I enjoyed the wisp of attitude, and the speech patterns that stood out in such a way that I could visualize the character writing the journal. You highlighted important points about the supporting characters, without going into a lot of unnecessary detail. The two strike-throughs, and the first line caught my attention quickly, and made me want to keep reading.
Favorite Lines: The first line is great! "Dear book-that-I-have-to-write-in-because-my-teacher-is-giving-me-a-complete-waste-of-time-that-counts-as-half-of-my-grade-and-if-I-don’t-pass-then-I’ll-fail-8th-grade," I think there may be a word missing after "waste-of-time" (Project?), but regardless, this line introduced me very quickly to your character and the setting. It sparked my interest in a very humorous way.
"...as a bunch of sluts, sorry, disrespectful young ladies who should be more modest in their choice of clothing." I love this line!
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I found a few spelling and grammatical errors in the story, most of which a spelling/grammar checker would pick up on. I struggled a bit in determining what would be considered in error, and what is acceptable since the story unfolds as entries in a diary. I enjoyed your use of capitalization, the "RRRIIIIIIIIPPPPP" between paragraphs, and the strike-throughs. These all added image to the story and helped to portray the character.
Final Thoughts: I am so glad to have read this piece. You have, in my opinion, developed a unique idea here. Great job!
Thank you for sharing your work!
FireFly_2
{image:Hi, navansa13 . I have just finished reading "Spring Break Project" and would like to offer some comments as a student of the "PDG Rockin' Review Academy"
Please note, before I begin, that I am not an expert at reviews and the following comments are provided with the best of intentions, from one writer to another. I hope you will find some of my thoughts helpful, and leave behind those you do not.
Overall Impression: Fascinating! The struggles in the life of a teenager seeking her own identity, laid out in a journal, provides a unique and creative viewpoint. I found that the piece flowed nicely and was pleasurable to read. Your character was quite believable and honest. I enjoyed the wisp of attitude, and the speech patterns that stood out in such a way that I could visualize the character writing the journal. You highlighted important points about the supporting characters, without going into a lot of unnecessary detail. The two strike-throughs, and the first line caught my attention quickly, and made me want to keep reading.
Favorite Lines: The first line is great! "Dear book-that-I-have-to-write-in-because-my-teacher-is-giving-me-a-complete-waste-of-time-that-counts-as-half-of-my-grade-and-if-I-don’t-pass-then-I’ll-fail-8th-grade," I think there may be a word missing after "waste-of-time" (Project?), but regardless, this line introduced me very quickly to your character and the setting. It sparked my interest in a very humorous way.
"...as a bunch of sluts, sorry, disrespectful young ladies who should be more modest in their choice of clothing." I love this line!
Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: I found a few spelling and grammatical errors in the story, most of which a spelling/grammar checker would pick up on. I struggled a bit in determining what would be considered in error, and what is acceptable since the story unfolds as entries in a diary. I enjoyed your use of capitalization, the "RRRIIIIIIIIPPPPP" between paragraphs, and the strike-throughs. These all added image to the story and helped to portray the character.
Final Thoughts: I am so glad to have read this piece. You have, in my opinion, developed a unique idea here. Great job!
Thank you for sharing your work!
FireFly_2
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