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112 Public Reviews Given
182 Total Reviews Given
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1
1
Review of My first poem  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, very deep. Good job. Hope to see more of your work. Write on!
2
2
Review of A Warm Christmas  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there,

A really lovely poem which I have no suggestions for!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Write On!

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Review of ENCHANTRESS  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sherri!

Three random reads in a row point to you!

This is a nice poem, a very nice poem in fact. You get a clear sense of who the "Enchantress" is and what affect she has on you.

I have no suggestions!


These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Write On!

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Review of WASH THE WALLS  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Haha, a jolly -if you'll excuse the pun- item here, realy quite different from the normal pieces around here.

Nicely done!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Write On!

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Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Sherri!

A lovely poem well delivered.

Maybe it's just me, but the gone - won rhyme seems very forced.

Otherwise a wonderful poem!


These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

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6
Review of Stone Angel  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi there,

This is a great short story, I have no suggestions for you, write on!

Andrea Jones
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7
Review of Need to know  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there John!

This is a nice poem, only slight suggestion I would have is to chop off one or two sylables from the following;

Peace will arrive, although hard to perceive,
For only in knowledge, glints of tranquility I achieve.

Maybe becomes;

Peace will arrive although hard to perceive,
For only in knowledge, tranquility I (will) recieve.

?

Also, despair and shared seem like forced rhymes to me, maybe try despaired instead.

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions!

Write On!
8
8
Review of Possession  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi,

Haha, what a cute poem!

I probably shouldn't have enjoyed it with a smile on my face, but I did!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Write On!

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9
Review of Tomorrow  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, this is a lovely poem.

I only have a few suggestions:

But those plans won't live to see tomorrow.

and

moments spent together in love so true.

Feel like they should be shortened by one or two sylables.

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

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10
Review of THE LAST TREE  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,

I think this is a wonderful poem with a lot of meaning behind it, one thing I could suggest is to erase 'that' from the second last line!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

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Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am donating this to your wonderful group before it is a brilliant concept!

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12
Review of New Goddess  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there,

Let me start by welcoming you!

Your poem is good, consider making it three lines to a verse : )

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

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13
13
Review of For David  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello!

I have no suggestions!

Great poem!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.


Write On!

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14
14
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

One suggestion would be to try a version where lines two and three and only four words long.

Otherwise nice, very imaginative!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

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15
15
Review of I Am  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

This is a great piece you have here, so simple and yet it says so much.

Only a few things;

I am the listener,
Absorbing pent up frustrations,
While we point at funny
Shapes in the clouds,
As you lay wrapped in my arms.

As your other verses have shorter lines, or at least your first one has, I feel that the impact would increase if you either shortened the verses to be short and punctual or increase their length.

Also, the last verse is a kind of concluding verse, consider putting this in a different form to the others.

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

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Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sherri!

What a lovely poem!

One thing that I could say if you forced me to say something would be;

and in the process stole my heart like a thief.

This seems a tincy bit forced, the rhyme is good but the line, eh, I don't know, maybe it's me.

A very lovely poem!


These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

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17
17
Review of Untitled  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there,

You have a nice poem here, a few things I picked up on;

And wake, I won’t, for sleep does not fall
Upon the most weary and desperate of all

Try to change the first four words of the first line here, and try to shorten these lines to fit more with the rest of the verse

Also consider making this poem into couplets.

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

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18
Review of The Martian Girl  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there,

This is a nice poem with a nice concept. I picked up on a few lines;

Mom said he was just chasing a rainbow,
Then saw a pot of gold and all his dough.

This feels a bit forced.

A handsome young man took me to the mall,
Although he was sweet, he was way too tall!

Maybe mall could be in speech marks, as she wouldn't know what a mall was!

Then one day a cute man came on the scene.

I feel this needs one sylable taking out, maybe take out Then, or cute.

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

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19
19
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Donation

Enjoy!
20
20
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Monster Madness!  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there,

This is a great little poem here, I hope he has someone to retrieve the passy's/ies/s!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Hope these suggestions help!

Write On!

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21
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Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

I feel like you need to build up the tension before you tell us he is dead, give us something to feel what the man is, some of his feelings/thoughts, I know you say he has no feelings so maybe have his last thought drifting off and then make it so that when the character realize he's dead, that is when the reader realizes too, make it unexpected.

Seems to me you've given us the bones of a great story, but you just need to make it a bit longer to achieve it's full potential.

Also, I would suggest to take;

Like being in a very dark storyline and suddenly being knocked off the script.

Out and replace it with something else.

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Write On!

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22
Review of Beastly Banquet  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Monster Madness!  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi,

You have done well with the prompt, so, well done!

Only thing is some rhymes feel forced; such as yours and course.

Othersie a wonderful poem!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Write On!

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23
Review of From Beyond  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Monster Madness!  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi,

This is a BRILLIANT poem!

One suggestion;

Beware! The end is nigh.

Maybe;

Beware, the end is nigh!

Totally and Utterly Brilliant!

These are just my opinions which I give to you with the best of intentions.

Write On!

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24
24
Review of I Can Do Better!  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Monster Madness!  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there,

A nice contest entry, well done.

Well chosen words and not obvious rhymes!

Write On!

Andrea x
25
25
Review of KINDNESS  Open in new Window.
Review by Andrea Jones Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there,

Short and sweet.

Write On!


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