The first stanza hooks the reader with a blood chilling foreshadow.
In stanza #2- I, at first, thought I was reading from the surviving characters point of view. Then, I realized my error.
Verse 3 melts the two characters' stories together, leaving us to imagine- a little, but not too much.
In #4 the conflict first introduced in the first verse is made palpable. The plot of the poem develops further in that someone has died, and we know it beyond question. A shiver may be felt when reading this part. It is pivotal and well placed.
Next, we see into the soul of the survivor. We learn what kind of person she is. At this point, I like her. Before this verse, she was simply a haphazard pseudo-villain. Now though, she accepts the consequences of her actions. By this point, you have decisively shown us more than one facet of this character.
Once more, the poem leaps forward in time, leaving our imagination to fill in the space, but again not too much. By the end, the emotional consequences of the main character's actions are clear. I can feel it, and this says much about the flow, timing, and word selections you have made.
The last line strikes me because you use the adjective 'small' to describe the price of her guilt. It almost seems derisive, that word.
All in all, this poem grabs and holds the readers attention from beginning to end. The storyline is structured nicely, particularly the time jumps that I noted before. Oddly, the rhyme scheme of this poem escaped me as I was pulled into the story itself. I ended up going back and seeing that it was indeed there, subtle but solid.
If I were to criticize, perhaps it would be the punctuation in the last stanza. The semicolon might do better as a period and a comma might be placed before 'and she killed her.' Then again, that sentence seems to run-on a bit, regardless. Note that I say, 'If I were to criticize.' The poem is well written, and I am not entirely certain regarding these potential criticisms. So-- this critic is content to leave poetic license to do its thing. Great poem, thank you for sharing. |
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