The title draws me in right away, everyone can remember their first kiss. It does not let me down either. As I read the words, “a warm summer breeze sweeping over me”, they stirred my senses of touch and as the lines descend, I quicken for the end.
You have written a lively and balanced piece here, tasteful and pleasing. Your voice comes through with a touch of seasoning. I am also charmed by the design and color. It is definitely fitting for a poem sparking with passion from every line. I read the poem a second time and was moved again by the image and remembrances of a first kiss. The part “warm and wild” hits on the memorable sensation of young and passionate love. Tender is a perfect adjective for revealing a first kiss. I liked the shortness and the impact, which your poem delivered as well. It left me satisfied and furthermore, I cannot help but wondering where this singular moment in time took place.
The tone of this piece carried me on a mysterious trip. As I followed along, in an unreleased manner, I couldn't help but see the world that was surrounding your character. I even found myself identifying with his stale lifestyle. You painted some vivid pictures of a man lost, or rather stuck, in his own inability to dare act out on his contemplations. I liked the common reality which this character dwells on, and yet no matter how much the pleasantries of life elude him, he despites the thought of how well he knows himself, and the indecisions that plaque him from taking chances.
I think this character has room to grow. I can see this guy anywhere. He fits the template of numerous mishap situations and narrow escapes.
Overall, I would say keep working with this guy and see what other predicaments you can put home in. Give him a past that can either shine some light or cast darkness around his future.
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