You did a wonderful job with this piece. The intro was detailed enough to provide a mental idea of what the piece is about, and it was more than enough to keep me reading. I really liked the way that you cut the continuous rythem of the story with the tidbits about Gran. I thought it was refreshing and kept the first person acount from becoming monotonous.
You also did a good job on expressing the anger as a child without losing the nostalgic feel of the piece.
ex.
" wanted to hit Pauline, claw her face and bite her nice clean skin until it bled"
This is a wonderful insight into the mind of the individual
There is some fantasic imagery:
"She used to clear the dirt from between them with her finger, claiming “You could grow spuds with all the muck in there”. "
I clung to the half filled bin bag, like it was my Gran
because you have used a common refrence it compliments both, as there is a more emotional response triggered. I can see a little boy clinging on to his grandmother, i can envision her sweeping the floor after cleaning out the dirt. Was really well done.
I am very excited to see what come next.
Sincerley,
Britt
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