First of all, I generally don't like anything related to group sports, and yet you made the piece interesting enough for me to want to read it the whole way through, so well done on that!
What I liked:
The title is a good choice. Not only that friends can start over, but that there is also a chance for Coach to start over and 'come clean'.
There is good variety in the sizing of the paragraphs, long paragraphs are followed by shorter ones which makes it easier to read.
The portrayal of the settings is also well done, especially the scene in Jason's room: 'Sean picked his way through dirty clothes, books, and takeout trash and sat down gingerly on the edge of the unmade bed. Gunshots and sirens blared from the screen.' Two sentences that not only put a picture in my mind of what Jason's room looks like, but also says something about his feeling of resignation.
Areas for possible improvement: While I liked the characters, I feel that they could be a bit more complex. Sean just seems a little bit too perfect to me. You do mention him getting mad at Jason when trying to be sympathetic, but for me it gets a bit lost in the overall story. Perhaps including a scene where Sean says or does something he regrets would show his unfavourable traits better and therefore make him more rounded.
Overall: I enjoyed reading this piece, despite my aversion to sport, and feel that it is generally well written. I also like how the themes of reconciliation and honesty have been included.
I hope my review has been helpful. Please feel free to use/ignore whatever you can of it. As Neil Gaiman has said: 'When people tell you that something doesn't work, they're usually right. When they tell you how to fix it, they're usually wrong'.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 4:59am on Nov 08, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "