This is more humorous than I had expected. It's pretty comedic imagining two moronic polic officers sifting through a how-to manual. A little more dialogue and bantering between the two could turn this into a hysterical piece I think. Even the names are kind of humorous: Shamrock? I picture a pale-faced Irishman in a Sherlock Holmes hat with a bright red 'stache. Maybe not your forte who knows?
Very well written and great suspense. Marty seems like a total psycho; and clearly he is haha. You do a great job of establishing and building characters in a short time frame, and then leaving the reader on a cliff with the climax. I can't imagine the emotional roller coaster you'd put the reader on with a longer story!
Really enjoyed the narrative with the exception of the last paragraph. The memory definitely reminds me of someone on the Autism spectrum, and the story gives a unique insight into that affliction. If this wasn't your intention, I'd be interested in hearing what it is because the character is very intriguing. Always remember to carefully proofread before posting. Spelling and punctuation errors will always detract from the work as a whole.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/falco318
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 7:56pm on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
