Your work was a wonderful read I felt a small bounce and caught myself smiling a few times. Aside from being a woman myself its comforting to know that there are males still in the world that do have and that are willing to express appreciation too.
My favorite lines>> Whatever is said, I attend to it too.
I will give all I am, to prove she is true.
its a dream to be able to share all of who we are and to be accepted as a whole ...
We all are worth saving even when we think that we aren't. I have felt this pain many times that you express with passion in your writing. In a world that is cruel and harsh makes it difficult for those of us who have haunting demons that lurk and follow us in to our daily lives. The harder I struggle, the more strength it reveals.
I kick, I sputter, I dig deep with my heels.
Exhaustion takes it toll, I get hit once again,
sending me deep into the darkness again.
The strength and the courage that once filled my soul,
have decided to escape me, leaving a dreadful hole. favorite parts
I don't know if this is experience or not, but I did feel the struggle.
Never give up..Believe in your dreams and miracles happen.
Thank you for sharing this piece of work.
jd anderson
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I absolutely loved this writing. You are a loving son as well as grateful. I hope that some day when my son is older that he loves and cares so much in the way that you have expressed. A bond between a mother and her son is the most special bond in the world.
favorite lines I won't stop,
Or turn back,
My will won't crack
I harvest good habits
From you like a crop
Let nothing impede
On our march to the top.
Such strength in your endearing love you express. I didn't find any misspelled words.
Please stop by the Preserving Poets Presents group ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** and let them know that I sent you. I hope that you fulfill your writing dreams...
Write and welcome to WDC!!
jd anderson
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Favorite linesBut poetry will always be
a rhyming game for me
it's like a hidden message
I hope you all can see
Suggestion, if I may make one, The grammar school time
Reflecting upon younger days
Clear this defines my age
Young then and eager to please
Words I had written on every page.
I enjoyed this piece keep writing.
Happy New Year,
`jd
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It has been quite sometime since I have read my bible. Although, I remember many biblical stories from my youth and young adulthood.
This story was told very well and kept my attention. It was nice to read and reminded me about some parts that weren't vivid in my memory. Actually, also this story is a good one that goes with our daily lives. A message that no matter how hard you try to please and help people. There are some that always will complain no matter what they are given. Faith is something that we have to just have and not always as in those days is it given to prove. I had forgotten that even people back in that era complain just as much as people do today. Sometimes the more you give the more that is expected.
Thank you for the read,
~jd
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I really liked the words in your writing, but it seemed a bit scattered and hard to read for a short poem. I looked for syllable count to see if that is what you were doing, I have a couple of suggestions, (Please, this is just my opinion and I am just another writer and I know and well understand how difficult it is to have your work critiqued by someone else when you have worked hard on a piece). Suggestions
"My fragile heart,
A precious part.
When life's begun,
Entrusted to one".
Just a suggestion. Your words are beautiful.
I hope that you are not offended by the suggestion. Favorite part of writing"Weary of the ones, With slippery hands. For they slip and shatter, My fragile heart.
Thank you for sharing,
jd
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This is a beautiful poem, I really enjoyed this read. The flow is very nice I hope you don't mind I do have a couple of suggestions.. I have envisioned this literally when I close my eyes, but the vision is broken with the lines"To her lover's arms, Where she becomes a Tangible vision of beauty. I honestly think, although the words are beautifully written, it really doesn't fit with this piece.{:green} The imagination is very good and I enjoy reading something that I can picture in my mind. Overall, I will give a 4. I love the creativity.
Other errors, Punctuation.
Thank you for sharing a part of you,
jd
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I understand this prose very well. Life can be so confusing to understand. A mind sometimes is overwhelmed with emotions and can't detatch from the life in which we live. I have struggled to find a place for my mind to rest and give my life what it deserves best. Clouded by energies of others I can't draining is my body and emotionally tiring me. I really enjoyed this read. You have expressed your thoughts well. This describes my mind very well.
~hugs & a peaceful wish for your mind today,
jd ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I liked the way you have expressed your thoughts. I have an idea I hope you don't mind. The syllable count is random. To help with the flow.
Life passes you by, When you blink your eyes.
Time can't stop to cry
Feelings it denies,
Stopping not for you,
Even when your blue...I hope you don't mind. Just a suggestion. I kept the 5 syllable
Great work!!
~hugs jd ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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I agree with the words that you have written in this piece of poetry. Many times when I am withdrawn, is when really I need a hug the most. Only someone who really knows who we are can only they know this without being told. If you are speaking from experience, I hope that whoever this writing was addressing has listened to your words and has given to you what you need.
Thank you for the writing that you have chosen to share,
Happy Thanksgiving,
~ hugs,
jd
That was a great piece of writing. I enjoyed the story very much. My favorite line was The old man smiled like morning dew,sweet blossoms of wonderous hue. You are a very well versed writer. I look forward to reading more of your work. Happy Turkey day!! Thank you for the enjoyable read.
I had the tendacy to read this very fast...the tempo to me felt that way. I understand about a mind's racing and decisions that can't be made[Libra one of my character traits] One suggestion if I may make My mind's twisted,racing my thoughts
Turning about things,inside and out.
This confusion sends me soaring,
High without warning,into high skies
Fear I have up here,I can't seem to land
Just an idea...great anxiety poem too..
keep writing.
~hugs jd anderson
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Initially, your poem great flow.. a bit lengthy and then gets scattered and hard to follow it. almost like chapters in a book.
I know it is hard [speaking from experience] to get everything you want to say into a piece. It must be difficult to lose something that you still care for deeply. We all make mistakes and can't change the things that we've done, but look to it as a lesson learned and grow from this thing that has hurt and left us feeling so bad. paragraph 6
I'm too late for another chance,
I've realized now, and I've grown.
Have you forgotten my face,
It's been hard to let yours go.
Just a suggestion. I really liked the overall poem though.
I enjoy doing quizes like these. I reminds he of how I am at heart.To break away from the clutter of thoughts especially now,that are running through my mind. Thank you for taking the time to create something fun. Keep those quizes coming
I sometimes like many others daydream about what it would be like to win the lottery. How it would change your life and lifestyle. The rush of possibility and your heart beating with excitement when the announcer calls the first, second and your numbers match, *thoughts are omg am I a winner*. But then the number is called that doesn't match and you come back to your senses..*thinking "well, I didn't think that I would win anyway"*. Great building of excitement to letdown..your final. "tearing up" jd
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favorite parts
I won't stop, 
Becoome entwined, become one grow together living for eachother. 
When you blink your eyes.
jd ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** 