This is undoubtedly one of the most beautiful stories I've read on WDC. Very few people can write as well as you do. You have the action in the write places and the emotions therein are real and concrete. Keep up the good work.
Since I've not seen the other chapter yet, I'm going to keep my fingers crossed. But here's my honest opinion about this chapter: The first chapter of any book should be the one of the most captivating in the whole book, but sadly, the chapter moved very slowly and was a bit too laid-back. What I suggest is, if you're going to maintain this chapter as it is, then you're going to have to write an intriguing prologue to catch the reader's attention. Alternatively, you could tweak this chapter a little, make the first few paragraphs a lot more promising. And lest I forget, describe Geroth and your other characters in more detail; it gives the reader a sense of belonging to the story.
Amazing insight! A beautiful conception. Though, as a suggestion, try choosing your words more carefully. Some of the words here could have been replaced with more succinct equivalents. But then, it's just a suggestion. Interesting piece, though. Keep it up!
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