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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/eternalsinger
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Review of A Dreamer  Open in new Window.
for entry "Dream's end" Open in new Window.
Review by Singer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Such a lovely and tragic story. Nadia is so realistic, I can see myself in her place. Your choice of words describing her 'cerulean' eyes and strong-willed nature create such a vivid image of her as I read. I adore your beginning, which instantly caught my attention and reeled me in; as the best of authors do. Your sentences are very well written and varying in length and depth. I laughed at the randomly funny moment in the middle (even though she has a mustache). One tip I'd like to offer up is the repetition of 'destination' at the beginning. Unless that wording in key to the story, then maybe another word could be put in its place once, or reworded somehow; Her cerulean eyes focused on a distant place, not what was in front of her... You don't repeat it too many times, but it's just a suggestion. Overall, a very heartfelt story that is very well thought out. I can't wait to read the second part.
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Review of In The Woods  Open in new Window.
for entry "Chapter 1" Open in new Window.
Review by Singer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I absolutely love this beginning of yours. It catches the readers attention right off the bat, and gives them an idea of the characters. Your portrayal of the children was very true and believable, both in their speech and in their actions. The grandparents are also very well characterized too. However, there are small things that could be changed or reworded to help the story flow better. For example, you used said quite a few times, when there are still a bunch more words you could use in its place. "Okay," she said smiling, "if you're sure.[...] In this, you could use 'chuckled' in place of 'said'. Another tip would be trying to vary sentence structure. This is a problem I see in my own works all the time, so it has become second nature to mention. For dialogue, instead of having "talking", said the character, you can reword it differently. Have the character react, then speak, or put the after before (if that makes any sense; The character turned and said, "talking." Same thing goes for sentences that start off with 'The'. Sometimes it's unavoidable, and other times it can be fixed with simple rewording. 'The three children burst through the door of their grandparents' log home' could be 'Through the door of their grandparents' log home burst the three children'. Overall, though, a job very well done. I cannot wait to continue reading.
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