Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
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Presentation:
I did not see and grammatical, punctuation, or spelling errors. This item was easy to read, has a cute title, and a good description. Also, good genre choices. Too bad they don't have a newbie genre, because it would be perfect for that!
The Writing:
This is very cute. I think it does really show how we're all a bit confused at first at WDC, and even a bit overwhelmed, because it's just so massive...there is so many different 'rooms'. I also liked how there were the people in purple and blue, helping those is black and yellow. Great originality in this item.
Overall Enjoyment:
I think this was well thought out and I enjoyed reading it.
Please note that if you have made changes and would like to have me re-review or just have questions, just email me or AIM MavericAngel06!
Thank you,
The Maveric
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Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
Maximum Stars:
For Presentation:
For Writing:
For Overall Enjoyment:
For Extra Credit:
Presentation:
I did not see any grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors.
I think that you could space out the lines a bit though. For example:
With a picnic procured upon our little boat...
Steadily together upon East Lake we did float
With flowers tucked softly into a seashell...
We felt at that moment that all things were well.
It truly was perfect right there where we were
All that mattered at this moment was her
As we embraced a moment such as this...
The time was right to steal from her a kiss.
I also feel that it might look a little bit with commas in there, and just a simple period at the end of each part. But that is a personal opinion of mine.
The title goes well with the item. The description does well at not telling what the poem is about, exactly...just that it is about romance. Also, good possibly.
The Writing:
I found the rhyme scheme very interesting in this poem. You have great descriptions, although the flow sometimes feels a bit choppy.
Overall Enjoyment:
I've enjoyed reading this poem of romance and lost love. Please note that if you have made changes and would like to have me re-review or just have questions, just email me or AIM MavericAngel06!
Thank you,
The Maveric
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Keep on blogging! I see you've only got a few entries, and I've read them and found them interesting. Nice colors too, but try to use darkish ones to make it easier to read longer entries.
It's sad that the girl died in a car accident. The same thing happened last summer at my school. I never knew the guy but I was sad for all who were affected.
Write On!
Mav
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(Mav's Blog)
Thank you for entering this in Round Four of Invalid Item. I appreciate your entry.
I liked how the theme was rain and how it halted your summer fun. It followed the gayatri meter well. I think it flowed and overall was very well written.
This follows the form of the gayatri meter and also gives me a picture of a summer day in my mind. I like how you start with morning details and end with night details.
I hope to see more of your work in the future contests.
This sounds very interesting and I'd like to read more to the story! It puts a mysterious aura with the character and hooks you quickly. I can also visualize him. And he's got a cool name!
LOVE IT! It is well written and I like the overall sound and subjects/descriptions. Great job!
Also, in my other review of your other item. If you want detailed help with that, check out my port for the WDC Mentor Program. You could get a mentor to help you out with it and improve it. Just a suggestion.
I think this poem would look better and flow better if you divided it into stanzas differently...for example:
Thrashing around in these damn blankets
that seem to be suffocating me,
I put my head under my pillow
to escape the sad sounds,
That seem to appear out of no where.
I open my eyes and look around
but it's too dark in my room
and The Crying seems to get louder.
Interesting blog...just check you out from the BtL page.
Most college kids a silver spooner...interesting. I leave for college in about a month (and I'm definately not a silver one)...maybe I'll get some leftovers too, lol
I really enjoyed reading your entry on the eight-year-old boy who took a joy ride in his teacher's van.
I agree...it's not the school, but the parents.
My parents were somewhat strict in the way that I was always to be respectful and have morals such as not stealing and all that. Plus they sent me to a private school which further enforced this all. And if you were direspectful at all, you were removed from class immediately, or even expelled. When I moved and attended a public school, disrepect and stealing and even simple things like talking out of turn really shocked me. The school didn't enforce anything and the parents obviosly didn't either.
Okay...way too long of an entry here - Sorry 'bout that
Hi! I just reviewed this item. Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
Maxiumium Stars:
For Presentation:
For Writing:
For Overall Enjoyment:
For Extra Credit:
Presentation:
You have the paragraphs spaced out to where it really works for the poem.
I did not see any grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors.
Good title and description and genre placement. It was the title that had attracted me to the poem...I didn't read the description until I had finished it.
The Writing:
The ending really surprised me! I expected the guy to be American (probably because I am...typical American thought, I guess). Then again, I didn't read the description at first.
You have great descriptions and a good flow. I like your style and I feel this was well thought out, especially the ending.
Overall Enjoyment:
This actually gave me chills...nicely done.
Thanks for sharing,
Please note that if you have made changes and would like to have me re-review or just have questions, just email me!
Thank you,
The Maveric
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Hi! I just reviewed this item. Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
Maxiumium Stars:
For Presentation:
For Writing:
For Overall Enjoyment:
For Extra Credit:
Presentation:
No grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors caught. I think you could probably tie your conclusion in with your imagery to an ember somehow if you wanted. Good description. Good placement in genres.
The Writing:
This is a very well done poem. It has an awesome flow and rhyme scheme. I think you really thought it out well too. The ending is great...you use good imagery. Nice style. And lastly, this definately was able to evoke emotion. I was not affected by this event, but this still was a great read.
Overall Enjoyment:
I really loved this poem. It, as I say, "wow-ed" me. I actually said 'wow' at the end.
Extra Credit:
Loved it...great job. I am actually posting this in Invalid Item
Thanks for sharing,
Please note that if you have made changes and would like to have me re-review or just have questions, just email me!
Thank you,
The Maveric
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Hi! I just reviewed this item. Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
Maxiumium Stars:
For Presentation:
For Writing:
For Overall Enjoyment:
For Extra Credit:
Presentation:
I did not see any grammatical issues. I do think you might want to try it with some commas...try it and see if you like it. And if you don't, that's fine too.
I did not see any spelling errors.
It was easy to read, and readability is very important (to me anyway).
There is a way with writing ml to make each letter be a different color in a word. It would look cool if 'rainbows' was in different colors.
Title and description are okay...could be better though. I think you could put it in personal or experience genres...maybe some other ones too.
The Writing:
I think it could be extended a bit, but that could become difficult considering this is something you felt over ten years ago.
It has a good rhyme scheme. Seems to flow well.
Overall Enjoyment:
Enjoyed...well done.
Extra Credit:
Thanks for sharing,
Please note that if you have made changes and would like to have me re-review or just have questions, just email me!
Thank you,
The Maveric
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Hi! I just reviewed this item. Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
Maxiumium Stars:
For Presentation:
For Writing:
For Overall Enjoyment:
For Extra Credit:
Presentation:
No grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors found. Paragraph spacing makes it very easy to read.
Great use of ML Tags...bold, underline, italics, and colors are well done.
Perfect title and item description. Good genre selection as well.
The Writing:
You have written everything very clearly. You have good descriptions. Everything goes in a good order (although I already knew how to use Google). You are very consistent in your writing and have a good, style that seems almost journalistic.
Overall Enjoyment:
I guess this isn't a piece you just 'enjoy' reading...but it's great and informational.
Extra Credit:
Nice job! I hope this helps other writers who don't know these facts about Google or how to use it.
Thanks for sharing,
Please note that if you have made changes and would like to have me re-review or just have questions, just email me!
Thank you,
The Maveric
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Hi! I just reviewed this item. Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
Maxiumium Stars:
For Presentation:
For Writing:
For Overall Enjoyment:
For Extra Credit:
Presentation:
I think more punctuation would help with this. More commas/periods.
No spelling or grammar errors found.
The Writing:
I liked the first two lines the most. It has a cool rhyme - consumes me/entombs me.
The flow seems good, but could be improved. There are some parts that I just don't quite understand
Overall Enjoyment:
I still just really like the first two! lol...It just sounds cool.
Extra Credit:
Thanks for sharing,
Please note that if you have made changes and would like to have me re-review or just have questions, just email me!
Thank you,
The Maveric
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Hi! I just reviewed this item. Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
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For Presentation:
For Writing:
For Overall Enjoyment:
Presentation:
This was easy enough to read. The indents were nice. If you lengthen this item at all, I would suggest putting another space between paragraphs. It is just easier on the eyes when using a computer.
I really did not see any grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors. In the third paragraph, I noticed you missed a space between the first and second sentences (after the period).
I think it was good you put this in the philosophy genre. It does made me think about the last time I was on a ferris wheel.
The Writing:
When you're at the very top, you feel like you're at the top of the world.
This sounds repetitive. You say top, and it kind of takes away from the intro. It would be a stronger statement if you rewrote it. Maybe change, "at the top of the world," to something else. Ummm...I guess I can't think of much for it.
The pieces of the puzzle begin to fit, and you start to see the full picture.
I like this, although I don't really think it needs the comma in there. I think it breaks up the flow. But it makes sense. At first, puzzle pieces are just random images and then they all fit together to make a picture. Nice job.
Overall Enjoyment:
I don't completely agree with your philosophy of ferris wheels. I guess I just don't agree with that it would make me more confident and aware. I see ferris wheels as a ride where you feel the wind in your hair, the cool night air, bright lights below, and all that jazz.
Good luck in the contest!
Thanks for sharing,
Please note that if you have made changes and would like to have me re-review or just have questions, just email me!
Thank you,
The Maveric
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Hi! I just reviewed this item. Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
Maxiumium Stars:
For Presentation:
For Writing:
For Overall Enjoyment:
Presentation:
This is divided into good paragraphs. I didn't see any grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors.
I think you should change the item description...write something to intrigue potential readers...then they will be more likely to read it!
The Writing:
I actually like the first two paragraphs a lot. It's the last one that seems kind of shaky to me. I like the style of the first two. I almost think the piece would be better with just the first two paragraphs only. I think the last part weakens it.
Overall Enjoyment:
I liked this, because I have been there (I'm only 18...teenage hormones have visited me a time or two). I loved, "Your eyes, they tell it all," because I am someone who reads people by their eyes. I think it is a good line.
Thanks for sharing,
Please note that if you have made changes and would like to have me re-review or just have questions, just email me!
Thank you,
The Maveric
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Hi! I just reviewed this item. Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
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For Presentation:
For Writing:
For Overall Enjoyment:
Presentation:
First off, I wanted to rate this higher, but could not due to presentation.
I think you need to separate these like so:
I remember a time when I wore white.
I was little and cute, and it felt just right.
Then the time came, when nobody cared.
I was the kid who was pushed around and shared.
or another way, but the big blocks just don't do it for the poem.
Another thing that needs work is little puncuation errors (such as capitalizing 'I'). Also, hadnt should have an apostrophe (hadn't) and also ive (I've) and im (I'm).
Spelling error: innocense - innocence
I don't quite get why it is called 'Little Angels' because you don't refer to angels. This is just a suggestion, but maybe call it, 'When I Wore White' or something better related. Just a suggestion.
The Writing:
I think this shows originality. For the most part, the flow is good and you have pretty good descriptions. I like the style you have here and this seems pretty well thought out. The only part I really don't get is the part about your brother. I think the content is great, but you just need to work on presentation.
Overall Enjoyment:
I enjoyed this poem very much. Great job!
Thanks for sharing,
Please note that if you have made changes and would like to have me re-review or just have questions, just email me!
Thank you,
The Maveric
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We have plenty of mentors available to help you as a writer...
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Hi! I just reviewed this item. Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
Maxiumium Stars:
For Presentation:
For Writing:
For Overall Enjoyment:
Presentation:
Easy to read (good paragraph spacing, etc), and I didn't catch any errors.
The Writing:
I liked this because it was very emotional and I really could relate with the story.
This sentence: It was fun to be pursued, delightful to be special, but heavenly to be loved. - I like how it was written.
I like how this piece is almost conversational. But in a way, it is like I am in your mind reading your memories.
Another sentence that I really liked how you wrote was : Chips and scratches, then cuts and tears lead to the massacre of my heart. And another was " Like an avalanche..." That was also good.
I like your style!
Overall Enjoyment:
The story was short but it isn't lacking because of that in any way. I write flash fiction and I know how difficult that can be to do sometimes. Great job!
Also, this piece has kind of inspired me to write some more stories...it made some ideas click in my mind. So thanks for that!
Thanks for sharing,
Please note that if you have made changes and would like to have me re-review or just have questions, just email me!
Hi! I just reviewed this item. Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
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For Writing:
For Overall Enjoyment:
Presentation:
Easy to read. No errors founf. I liked how you bolded parts.
The Writing:
Good writing here. Great flow. Your rhymes are nice...make sense and all that good stuff. I've never heard of these temperments and now I know more about them! So great job!
Overall Enjoyment:
I see myself as a Choleric and Melancholy. I am definately the 'take charge type,' and I am very detailistic, analytical, and a perfectionist (melancholy) And I also am a little Phlegmatic as well, in the ways of stubborness, sarcasm, and this line especially; I work best under pressure, give me a deadline.
Thanks for sharing,
Please note that if you have made changes and would like to have me re-review or just have questions, just email me!
Hi! I just reviewed this item. Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
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For Presentation:
For Writing:
For Overall Enjoyment:
Presentation:
Well presented. Didn't run into any errors. The title and description are great; they didn't give away the meaning/story.
The Writing:
The first word that came to my mind as I finished reading this piece was "wow."
I absolutely love your first two lines. They are written very beautifully. It wasn't until I read the part about numbers and letters and the stories they told that I fully understood what kind of stones these were.
The speaking to you with deaf ears part is also very well done. I was very impressed with that. They speak, but they don't listen..yet you wrote it differently and it gave a stronger effect.
I was thoroughly impressed with this entire poem. "They teach, then fade away."
The ending is what really got me. It was just a really great conclusion! It reminds me of General McCarthy's words (I think that was his name....) He said "Old soldiers never die. They just simply fade away." (I think that's the exact quote anyway) - It just reminded me of that somewhat...it's different that what you wrote, of course, but it just reminded me of it in a way.
Once again, wonderfully done!
Overall Enjoyment:
Obviously, I enjoyed this poem. I have decided I liked it so much that I am putting it in my Suggested Reading Blog (link below). Great job!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1115775 by Not Available.
Thanks for sharing,
Please note that if you have made changes and would like to have me re-review or just have questions, just email me!
Hi! I just reviewed this item. Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
Maxiumium Stars:
For Presentation:
For Writing:
For Overall Enjoyment:
Presentation:
Although this wasn't difficult to read, there were some mistakes that were distracting and also some paragraphs that need to be separated into more. For the past two years, I was the editor for my school's newspaper, so I have quite a bit of experience editing for mistakes such as these, and if you would like me to help you improve this area.
The Writing:
The plot and conflicts were very well done. So were the characters. Although I've never personally experienced gangs, there are a lot in two nearby cities and I hear a lot about shootings, innocent deaths, and more.
You have a nice style of writing...it is almost conversational. It's like you are sitting beside me, reminicing about this.
Some of your dialog needs some fine-tuning, but your characters and descriptions are good.
Overall Enjoyment:
I enjoyed this and at the end, it evoked more emotion than I expected. It is very sad that she dies. I almost think that you should change your description so that people don't expect that she dies (because that would make the ending have an even stronger impact). But that is just a thought...either way, it is a good story.
I definately thinks this deserves a higher rating and I would love to re-review and re-rate it after it is improved a bit. And again, I would be glad to help you if you would like me to.
Hi! I just reviewed this item. Explanations of my rating criteria are available to be viewed in my portfolio here: Invalid Item
Maxiumium Stars:
For Presentation:
For Writing:
For Overall Enjoyment:
Presentation:
This was easy to read...separated into nice paragraphs and I didn't catch any spelling, grammatical, or punctuation errors.
The Writing:
I like your stle here. When the character is distracted and simply pretending to listen, I really liked his side comments. (Such as "Eye contact shows that you’re listening and you care. I read that somewhere.") They were funny and added to the character. I found it very funny. I loved the part where he thinks his boss must be Satan...that made me grin. And the racism part...very funny.
I liked the plot. Clear conflict here. Good flow...nothing seemed choppy. I think you did a really great job on this.
Overall Enjoyment:
I loved it and I have put a link to it in here:
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1115775 by Not Available.
Thanks for sharing,
Please note that if you have made changes and would like to have me re-review or just have questions, just email me!
Thank you,
The Maveric
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