I liked your poem, I think we all have this depressed or rather desirious feeling to feel better.
I myself feel always stuck in that Dark pit, sometimes having fun there, sometimes waiting for you saviour, such as you wrote about.
The poem is simple while metaphorical at the same time "as waiting for lifting from above = you're low".
My favorite lines:
To stand and shut away the Dark,
Can it be forever?
It's not a question if we can shut away the Dark, since everybody has sometimes good days.. but it's rather an interesting question if we could shut Dark away for ever.. Of course we can't. Rethorical.
I liked the poem; however, you had better poems in its style. My comment is most about the style, writing in fragments. It's quite new, unique and interesting. It reminds me the semantical networks how special words are connected to the memory that holds signs of collected the stimulus of receptors.
I feel, this kind of writing is harder to read and understand in whole.. so for instance, the latter poem seemed to me a lil' bit long. But I still enjoyed reading this.
Thank for posting, May God bless you!
Well, how to begin. I freakin' loved the poem, since it is written to me. It's my style and it's my theme. I am fond of suicide theme, especially making fun of it as you did. It's a well-written satirical dark humour.
In the poem, the most of the suicide-related thoughts are mentioned, having smooth rhythm the echoing lines that changes at the end for assuring that you are not regretting.
Thank you for the poem, and keep writing!
PS:
Suicide is bad idea since life itself is a long suicide. So, use the free ticket and have a fun, for instance with writing...
This is a so actual poem and so true. As an Arab, Muslim and Human, I'm emotionally concered in this war. This is horrible that happens there.
You chose an appropriate image to express the terror that the drones do and I liked the conclusion that is clear.
Indeed, I like the poem for being clear.
A quick remark: I read it rather like a prose. Free verses sometimes trick me.
I've read your poem, and I can tell I liked it.
I feel it is personal hidden message to someone; therefore, I can hardly understand the background of the poem. I am curious about it a bit. By the way, I got the feeling of the poem that is "misunderstanding among family members, maybe neglecting" - I guess.
The poem is made up free verses of three octaves. There's no rhyme, but the rhythm of the poem is good. It fits the confusing feeling that is hidden beyond the lines.
I've read your poem once, then second and third times.
Honestly, my first questions in my head was like "Are you serious? What a grammar. Why? What's the purpose?". I started to philosophy on the goal of these grammatical style, but finally I suggested that it is only a poetic device to attract attention that is so well-used here, since it works.
About the theme of the poem, it's so actual. We live in a world where you became special following trends, and people cares individuals who make groups. Life is strange.
Thank you for the poem. Great job.
I wish you strength for your work.
Hey!
I liked your poem, this is majestic. Its story is touching, its rhymes as well as the flow of the lines are smooth.
The theme of a "too late apology caused by death" is an eternal touching device that makes strong feelings in everybody. Since the narrator is the writer who is still alive unlike the poem's protagonist, I suggest it is a message to somebody and if I'm right, it's a great one.
A little remark.. in the first stanza's fourth verse it shouldn't be "a glowing ember" instead of "an"?
Overall, t'is is a great work, good job! Keep up with it!
Reading your work, I felt you influenced by behaviorism that is a quite good philosophical theme about cause and effect relationship. Indeed, in the last century it had many followers and was seen by them as the source of everything, that is to say they tried to apply the behaviorist notions on all fields of sciences. Now, we can say that this is wrong; for instance, we can scarcely judge any of the cognitive sciences based only on behaviorism since the mind works at first by stimulus-reaction, but at the second level it has a very complicated system to coordinate us in situation. Say, we have to choose between eating that chocolate or drinking that coke. 2 meters - 2 meters. What will you do? Maybe you will die waiting for an action to make reaction... won't you?
Ofc, you won't! Because it is you who make your life, you think, you control your mind as well as it controls you.
Thank you for the philosophical writing. Good work.
Hey.
This is a very good poem. It is a little bit playful, and more narrative, but at the end it becomes tottaly funny. I like its story; it's so creative and the writing style also attractive. I see it simple, grammatically well-formed and having mainly smooth rhymes.
Good job!
Hey.
I enjoyed your text; you're quite right. These themes you've written about are a kind of taboos or rather open secrets that is well known all over the world. Unfortunately, this public school issue occurs everywhere.
About your writing, it is actual and well-written. I enjoyed reading it, good job.
This poem is amazing.
To start with the bad that is few in the poem, there's some 'hard rhymes'. But and BUT, the poem is so funny and it made me smile with its funny rhymes and alliterations. I think it is a kind of grotesque humour, hiding serious feelings behind the fun. God knows. I repeat, it's an awesome work, keep up with it.
This is a good kind of free verse poem. It brings completely the feeling of the barber's shop. The flows of the poem is quite smooth, instead of at the beginning where it started a little bit forced.
Overall, the poem is describing a vivid experience and environment. Good job.
This is a very very beautiful poem.
The theme is so emotional with the little silent -but valuable- moments. The rhymes are so smooth and let the reader reading. The repeating lines are well-made alose as well as the structure.
I felt the feelings of this poem, and they were glorious. Great work.
This is a very nice piece of literature, seen the good works of symbols in the work. I really like it, since this is how I pass through every day with Shattered Hopeful soul. Great job!
T'is work is very effective if I can say.
I think you could be the sort of man like me, looking for "functional purpose"-(supporting a child).
The poem is well-built and absolutely enjoyable. Good job!
This is a great job.
You've used great rhymes and an attiring idea.
I only miss one or two verses of deep feelings beside the surface feeling that you've already shown.
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