This was a lovely piece. Very intuitive. And the metaphors you used provided good visuals.
I just wonder is this a short story or part of a novel?
I get the feeling that this is more about her and the lost love only secondary
Perhaps you could hint a little more about the lost love. Give the reader some incentive to imagine him, or what may have happened.
Very compelling though, I really wanted to read on to see what had happened. It's a wonderful idea and I think you have a lot of room to develop this into a longer story.
cheers
erina
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