This was a lovely piece. Very intuitive. And the metaphors you used provided good visuals.
I just wonder is this a short story or part of a novel?
I get the feeling that this is more about her and the lost love only secondary
Perhaps you could hint a little more about the lost love. Give the reader some incentive to imagine him, or what may have happened.
Very compelling though, I really wanted to read on to see what had happened. It's a wonderful idea and I think you have a lot of room to develop this into a longer story.
cheers
erina
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/erina
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 7:46pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX2.