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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/erefell
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72 Public Reviews Given
87 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Trick or Tweet  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Reading this story definitely gave me shivers. It made me think that even though the future might not happen exactly this way, it very well could. A very believable plot. I like how it shows that what we think will make our lives "better" not only detracts time from enjoying the finer things in life (nature, family, serenity) but also may result in our demise! It made me feel really sad since John was such an agreeable guy who just got sucked in like the rest of us do, and it shows how terrible it is that innocent people just go with the flow and end up paying direly. This story had a grand impact on me and makes me realize that it can be pretty dangerous to be completely dependent on today's technology, since it can be pretty frail sometimes. The story as a whole had good flow and made logical sense, and really feels like some sort of premonition. I went back and read the beginning and it hit me again! So good job, and may your words inspire some of the bigwigs to think twice about co-dependence with AI and the internet.

Aslie
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Review of Home Sweet Home  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Sometimes it's really hard to tell someone about their story. I really like this one, because it was touching, and I could feel really sad for Charlie and his father. Played with my heartstrings, you know? Keep up the good work!

Aslie
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Review of Ode To Melanie  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Whoa...talk about freaking out! This story was very poignant and a nice read, even if it was a little macabre! Melanies feelings were understandable, and the poor, poor professor! There was a good flow as well. When I become a university professor, I will definitely think twice about what I say to my students!

Aslie Belle
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Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Side splitting hilarious! All the way, omg. I think thats amazing!
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Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Well! Pretty good for just having started out. Just a few technicalities, like when the little brother says "Aliens are arriving and taking over people's bodies" I suspect saying instead "Aliens have arrived and are taking over peoples bodies" might make a bit more sense. But of course he is a little brother, so maybe your way is fine. And then, maybe you could add "to me" on the end of "she said" so it looks like this:

"Oh, didn't you know, dear?" she said to me.

Keep up the creativity!

Aslie Belle
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Review of Devil Eyes  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wonderful! There's the twist I'm talking about! The only thing I might change, but I'm still debating whether I'm just nitpicking, is the beginning where you say "Writers block always frustrated him, but this time he could barely write an engaging sentence." this makes me think that even when he has writers block, he can still thin of something okay, but to me the whole point of writers block is that you can't think of anything. Maybe if you just said "Writers block always frustrated him. He could barely write an engaging sentence," it would keep the story ripe. Ghats just what I'm thinking...otherwise, bravo, bravo!

Aslie
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Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This story has one of the greatest beginning you've come up with yet! I like how he talks about John, and its really smooth. It goes good, until you say "Let's have a drink. That seemed sort of out of the blue. Maybe if you put a little narration that shows his disinterest, a small though or action.

It seems that no matter how many times you tell someone not to touch something, they always do it anyway!


Aslie
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Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I LOVE the whole invisibility thing! Best super power, besides telekinesis. Stealing government information, also good. And the ambiguity but maybe a little heavy on the ambiguity? Just at the first part. The rest is really good :) too bad I didn't get to hear what the secret was! Always wondered what the government has classified!

Aslie
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Review of Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Haha nice!
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Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Yes, yes, what is normal, anyway? A mystery that baffles people everywhere. It is kind of strange how people can be so discriminating when absolutely no one is the same. There are some things that we have in common, but really, we are our own person, and we have different things to offer the world, which is GOOOD! Not Akers.

Aslie
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Review of The Hourglass  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, villanelles are cool! Maybe I will try to write one, as soon as I get some inspiration. I like the flow and rhythm. This does kind of remind me of rivers of sand. It's beautiful.

Aslie
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Review of Journey  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A thousand years of travel to wind up back where you started. How tragic—just kidding! I can just see James travelling the universe (for a thousand years and he's still not dead..) and the adventures he's gone on are hinted in the way I can see him looking around. Way to go!

Aslie Belle
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Review of Monsoon  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This story stood out for me because of how narrative it is, which makes it more like we are listening to the Characters thoughts instead of listening to you telling us a story as you think the character might have told it. This makes it more personal. One thing I woud look at again is your sentence structure, which could vary a bit more. They were kind of all the same, just different words.

I like the message of this story, plus ive never seen a monsoon before. It's always nice to experience new things!

Aslie Belle
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Review of Words to say  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this poem because of how it makes me feel, and it's like the ghost all the crushes I had. Best of luck for you!

Aslie
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Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Haha, I really like this one, and I g it, too! Nice irony. You seem very interested in aliens. Do you think they might exist, or are they just a source of fascination for you? I know that after reading Loren Legacies I've always wondered....

You manage to make your flash fiction so interesting, and I look back t it and remember that you never actally mentioned any of the things I see in my minds eye. And then I feel surprised. Good job!

Aslie
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Review of Thorn Tower  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Who knew Rapunzel was a cannibal. Now, at last the complete story. I also commend you on your poetry. It was music to my soul, in every way. My overall impression—what I will feel when I think about this story—is very good, but it's just missing a few little supporting details that may or may not matter. Maybe you could have said a little bit more about him leaving his horse in the valley, and maybe saying "the force of his fall" instead of "the force of his blow" would make a little bit more sense. I really don't have many bad things to say about this story. It was a pleasure!
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Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like the tone of this story, but it seems kind of unfinished! You did a good job of building up the moment, and hearing what aliens think of humans is amusing, but then the story jus ends. For me it was too abrupt, though I do see how other people might see it differently. This was my first impression, anyway. You also might want to watch your word choice,; sometimes words other than the expected can grab the readers attention more and therefore keep them with you! Other than that, I like the theme!

Aslie

Ps welcome to writing.com, hope you find a niche here. I'm still kind of a newbie myself, so trust me, if you need a hand with anything, the people here are great.
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Review of The Letter  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Harmless—no way! Nice twist. I was reading this letter, and I wondered if anything was going to happen, and then bam! I soo didnt see that one coming, lol. The tone of this letter is very captivating; flows like water and floats me through the story like it too. Kind of felt like a letter to a real person; I find this letter after the writer has been killed, never finished, but we know how it ends...

Aslie
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Review of Perfect Sense  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This story gave me a warm fuzzy feeling! Aren't children adorable? I wonder what the daughter will be like when she grows up. I didn't see any typos
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Review of Con-Artist  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Haha, remember in my las review I said I had trouble finding words to describe your work? The first two stanzas of this poem are what I was trying to say all along. Sweet irony, you're talking about yourself. Reading this, I found myself thinking about people who dig up and stud ancient works of art from a thousand years ago. If you etch your poems into stone and bury them in your garden, whoever digs them up long after your dead will definitely have something to think about!

Aslie
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Review of Storm of Change  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Sometimes it feels like your words are bigger than me, and life itself, and I have difficulty finding words to say how I feel about what you say. You often reflect the troubles of the human soul, make things make a little more sense. In all honest, I must say that you are remarkable, and if you decide to pursue a career path in writing or publish a book, please tell me because I would like to put it on my shelf. I applaud you!

Aslie
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Review of Big Picture  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I did. Thank you, I see it now, you know. I wrote a poem with this title as well.I think my life is red. When I close my life that's what I see. Bright red, like on Christmas today. I'm not really sure why, I can just taste it...

When I read stories here on writing.com, I'm always thinking about what I'm going to say to the Author for a review. I'm always analyzing, critiquing, thinking, thinking...but your words were hypnotic, and I stopped thinking, and just felt and was, and I still am. And I'm glad.

Aslie
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Review of Dust  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is quite the poem. It's like the thoughts I sometimes think brought forth through poetry. This poem was actually like a story, in a way. The feeling I get from this is strong accordance. I can tell how you wrote from your heart, and I think that when you get down to it, that's all anyone really wants to see. Writing is about making people feel something, see things in a different way (I think may have said tuis before, but it is always what I think when I read a good story). Just one question, at the beginning, are you saying "Gnarled roots dig deep foundations, form this budding network of lies we call Society" or "Gnarled roots dig deep. Foundations (the past?) form this budding tangle of lies we call Society"? I'm not sure it matters either way, just want to know if I'm reading this right.

All the best,

Aslie
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Review of Snow White  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
As far as parodies go, I think this one displays epic quality! It was strange and enticing, and made me wonder briefly if that actually happened. I'm sure you didn't mean to, but you also gave me a little bit of information about England, lol. I've read about it, but being from Canada, I had to really think about some of the terms you used.

Your puns and plays on words were amusing, also. Might I just add that I really, really love this story! Did you get an A+? Don't think anything of my 4.5—I am very, very stingy with perfect marks. Just know that in my heart you scored a hundred percent!

You rock!

Aslie
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Review of Twilight Fanmail  Open in new Window.
Review by Clockwork Aslie Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
This madlib was the bomb! I am a big fan of twilight but I still find humor in the gags and fun poking because I hate the movies. Breaking dawn part one wasn't hat bad, though. I think I will mail this one to Taylor Lautner, actually. I'm not sure there's any real critiquing with madlibs, it's all about creativity and fun, like this one!

Aslie
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