very well written. makes the reader think. you put accross your point very well, i'm not even american and it made me question my loyalty to my country in times where people do not celebrate our patrn saint or national holiday.
thankyou for making me think :)
good luck in the contest :)
very good, reminds me of poetry by wilfrid owen or even sassoon. your up there with the greats my friend. i can't think of any way to improve this piece, apart from maybe the rythm of the second stansa. keep it up.
e
this is a very very good idea, i like it very much. you can almost see the charachter stumbling and writhing in pain and confusion. the poem reads as if it should be said with passion, through clenched teeth. it's hard to find a poem that gives you so much in one go.
well done
tis is great! i ut a bit of music to it, if you don't mind :$. but it sounds really really good with it. i'm not srue how you wanted it to sound but it is a workable piece of work and fits in with a lot of melodies. i like it lots! keep up the songwriting, your good at it
e
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