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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/enviouspenguin
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29 Public Reviews Given
90 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Ana and the Whale  Open in new Window.
Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
First and foremost I want to apologize: I said I was going to read and review this piece days ago, but the "Real world" grabbed me by the throat and pulled me away. But better late than never, I guess, so here goes....

If I remember right, this is your first submission to Writing.com. I couldn't tell by reading this; it was a beautiful piece. Your description of the ocean, the whales, and the "big moment" were simply spectacular. I was in awe and just as transfixed as Ana and Olaf.

There were just a few minor grammar "issues" that popped up.

“Ana, get those binoculars, the whales are back.” should have a semicolon instead of a comma between "binoculars" and "the."

"... nets dragging in a perfect line held taught by locomotive-like engines..." the only problem here is the word "taught", which I think is spelled "taut."

The boat on course, 105 crewmember below running the processing, storing tons of frozen fish into a hanger sized freezer, nets dragging in a perfect line held taught by locomotive-like engines, the captain and cleaning girl stood together, transfixed by a traveling pod of whales. This sentence is a "run on." I advise you just break it up into two sentences.

I did just want to mention that I loved your descriptions of the whale. My favorite lines were "A bubble rose with her head as she lifted it from the freezing water, every line, ripple and sinew bright and clear, her momentum and the ship's carrying them both to the same spot, two lines crossing at one exact moment in time, her seventy-two feet rising meters from a collision with the solid craft." and (especially) "As any true temptress of the sea she allowed them one long, full look at her sleek body, before breaking from that frozen fragment of time and lunged forward, allowing the two on deck one final gaze as her engine of locomotion, that split tail, flipped high into the air, waved a sultry goodbye, and plunged the performer down into the now dark water, where she refused to make an encore."

As a final note, I wanted to mention that it is really scary to put your work out there for the "world wide web" to read, but you wrote a very good piece that was an enjoyable read. Best of luck in all your future writing endeavors!
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Review of Just Be Yourself  Open in new Window.
Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there! Welcome to Writing.Com! *Bigsmile*

What a great poem you've written here. The rhyme scheme works very well and is fluid, but it isn't cheesy. I also liked how you chose to tackle your theme of being yourself; my favorite lines were " tried to be different and I tried to change, // But all that was left was a me that was strange." , "All of this changing was bad for my health; // It seemed that I struggled to just be myself", and especially "Too many people are so quick to judge // The picture they carry of you has a smudge," because of the image it creates in my head. your message came through loud and clear in a way that made for an enjoyable read.

I hope you enjoy your time here on the site, and happy writing!

~Cassie Kat
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Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! You may or may not remember, but earlier last month I reviewed this piece and gave you a rating of 3 and a half stars. Anyway, I noticed that you incorporated some serious changes, so I decided to read it again.

I just wanted to tell you that this piece has improved dramatically since my last review! In my previous review I expressed my confusion about my point of view, but not any longer. In addition, you have also added a number of details that have made this piece much stronger; you leave "suggestions" that the "he" in the story might have been a terrorist or a suicide bomber, but you leave it up to the reader for interpretation in a way that works very well. Your piece was very clear and as a reader pulled me along and made me want to know what would happen next.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you 5 stars for the changes, because my 3.5 was for a version of this piece that no longer exists. Great job, and best of luck to you in all your writing endeavors *Bigsmile*
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Review of Apple  Open in new Window.
Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! What a piece you've written here! There's a lot of symbolism (and irony!) surrounding the apple, Angela, and Kevin James. I also liked how you wove in the history of apples in terms of Christianity, as well as the chemistry aspect too. I liked how at the end of almost every section, you came to some sort of conclusion about the apples, such as "Apples are poisonous", or "Apples are bad!" to show Angela's psychological progression through the events of the story. Nicely done *Bigsmile*
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Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
While this piece is an excerpt from that of a larger work, it was very well written. You've given a great deal of background on the "species" that the narrator's father had created (or, I'm assuming he's created, that's the way I interpreted this piece, anyway). The grammar's sound, and I'd love to read more of this story in the future *Bigsmile*
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Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Now, I may not know a whole lot about villanelles (I'm assuming it has to do with the structure of the poem?), but I do like this poem a lot. The message is very kind and, well, friendly! The images you have put together are also powerful, and I'm assuming you successfully stuck with the structure, because nothing looked out of place (though I do apologize; I'm still learning about poetry).

Nice job, and best of luck with all your future writing endeavors! *Bigsmile*
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Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
What an inspiring piece of poetry! Judging by your bio, I'm assuming this piece is autobiographical, but regardless of whether it's based on fact or fiction, it is truly an ingenious piece of writing. You have interpreted the daily struggle of living with a disability in a way that is optimistic, accepting, and even clever; to say that "Disability is my best friend", to use your words, is such a powerful, awe-evoking statement.

and in terms of structure and grammar, this poem is simply flawless. Excellent job!
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Review of Tears into Rain  Open in new Window.
Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a beautiful poem you've got here, Jae! I liked how talk about mistakes and a longing for forgiveness, create images of dark skies and rain, and then tie it all together by comparing the rain to one's tears. I also enjoyed the poem's optimism: " ...But, it doesn't hurt to pray and wish right? // Tears never stop falling, rain will never stop falling...// let us just sit back and wait...no matter how long it takes" is such a beautiful line because one still holds out hope.
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Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Even though I've given you 3.5 stars, I really enjoyed reading this piece. The idea of a "purgatory" (I'm using quotes here because one of the speakers in this piece says "...this is not the so-called purgatory...") for the forgotten souls of wrong-doers is a very good one (and both frightening and depressing too, might I add), however, there were a couple of things about the actual structure of this piece that bothered me personally.

Overall I found this piece to be dizzying, which, truthfully, I think adds a certain charm to the narrative (the idea of "where am I, who am I, what's going on?" etc.). However, I had trouble following the constant changes in point of view. (one sentence would be in first person, then you'd switch over to third). And while this is just me personally, I wished you had more description within the piece. Like, what did this place look like? The people? Could we even see it at all?

These are just my opinions, but I must say, it was an enjoyable read. Best of luck in your writing endeavors!
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Review of Dear Gretel  Open in new Window.
Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
What an interesting piece you have here! Hope you don't mind my pointing out a couple of minor grammatical errors.

"There are lots of lots of others here..." might sound better as "There are lots and lots..." and instead of "...I feel like I have found a new home I'm looking for..." I suggest changing the "a" to "the." In the sentence "Things aren't same without you", adding the word "the" between aren't and same reads a little better.

But these are only grammatical suggestions; as far as your story goes, this is very good.

If I remember correctly, you had said in your forum post that you were planning to make this into a novel, right? Because you have left the reader wondering about a lot of things. How did Hansel and Gretel get separated? Where is Hansel now as he's writing this? What sort of a letter would Gretel write back? You've gotten the reader thinking, and even though you don't answer these questions straightforwardly, you still leave the reader feeling satisfied by the end, reminding both the reader and Gretel that she's very much loved by Hansel, which is ultimately all that matters.

I hope my review was both helpful and encouraging, and keep on writing!
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Review of Just Nothing  Open in new Window.
Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh nice poem! Very contemplative. *Bigsmile*

There was only one small thing, however, that bothered me while reading this poem, and I'm not sure that it's a bad thing, but I thought I'd bring your attention to it. I noticed that some of the lines rhyme (such as "I did not want to waste / An opportunity of a small taste"), but others don't ( for example, "And my words don't go anywhere / They are not meant to" ). Personally, I feel that a poem either should rhyme or should not rhyme; but I'm no expert in poetry and I don't know that there's no formal rule that states this. That's just my personal opinion.

Loved the poem either way, and happy writing! *Bigsmile*
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Review of To Be Like You  Open in new Window.
Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ah, the trials and tribulations of sisters! Whether it be by blood or through a bond, close sisters have a unique relationship (and, as an older sister, I know this all to well). Your poem perfectly describes this relationship, I can tell that this poem holds a great deal of meaning for both you and the person who you wrote it for; this sense of ambiguity is what makes this poem so unique. You have told the reader everything without spelling it all out in black and white. And I both love and hate the way this poem ends--you have left the reader wondering just what she is *Bigsmile*. Nicely done!
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Review of Night at the Lake  Open in new Window.
Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ohh that was was really good! Flash fiction is incredible in how, if done right, its brevity can have such an impact. This piece here is no exception. Poor Cheryl never got the chance to start that family. I liked how swift the murder was; she's just walking, then suddenly, BAM! She's dead. That in itself makes it all the more frightening; poor Cheryl never stood a chance. Nice job!
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Review of Drained  Open in new Window.
Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
awesome poem you've got here! Clogged drains-we've had plenty of those in my house :( But as for the poem, I was particularly drawn to your descriptions of the drain and the possible thoughts of the drain itself. Nice job!
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Review of Motive: Chapter 1  Open in new Window.
Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Congrats on submitting your first piece to Writing.Com! *Bigsmile*

Mia is quite a character; she's bold and cynical, but at the same time she's insecure. My favorite part was the cafe scene; you're descriptive details, such as of the music and the barista at work, were very clear and colorful. I like how the beginning and the end of the chapter both have the young man (Fear, I think his name is? lol) stealing the reader's attention.

Good luck, and welcome once again to WDC!
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Review by Cassie Kat Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Well, it took me longer than I intended, but I finally finished reading these next two chapters. You've got a lot of exciting stuff brewing here, and its plain to see that Horace is on a mission, but what has yet to be revealed. You are very good with descriptive detail, my favorite was when you described Jeanne (I could see her clearly in my mind's eye!), and your characters are intriguing; I especially like the sharp contrasts between the laid-back Thomas and the reserved and proper Horace. Why, even the Vice President is a colorful and intriguing character! I look forward to reading chapter four! *Bigsmile*
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