The last stanza makes it sound complete, however it comes off kind of sudden as if you were anxious to end it.
I am a beginner when it comes to writing and reviewing for that matter, but in my experience if I have to ask myself if I'm finished, I'm not, and I'm just at a loss of how to continue (like writer's block I guess). So, I would suggest putting the poem away for a little while, and then come back to it later with fresher eyes. Like I said though, this is just my experience and could be far from your situation with this poem.
Other than that, I love your description and imagery in this poem as well as your use of the senses. The first stanza is my foavorite, and works well at catching the readers attention. Thanks for sharing,
I love this poem. Right from the start the unique style draws me in, and the way you continue to describe what is happening holds my complete attention. Excellent use of imagery, for example,
"Fingers dig deep,
into skin and bone,
tearing flesh,
muscle is shown."
I can see this situation in my mind as if its ocurring right in front of me (as disturbing as that may be !) Good use of repetition it definately adds to the value to the poem.
One of the things I love about this poem is that its lines are relatively short, while still having a lot of power in their indivdual meaning. The only thing I could suggest to you is to get rid of any extraneous words that could make a line shorter but still carry the same meaning and power. For example in the line, "Death was at the door," you could write "Death at the door."
You've done a great job on this poem. I love your imagery and description, I can see the scene unfolding in front of me when I read it. The emotion in the poem is evident, which makes this poem all the more powerful. The only suggestion I cna make is to consider adding some punctuation, it doesn't have to be a lot, but just enough to make it flow a little bit more evenly. Again, good work. I look forward to reading more.
You did a nice job on this poem, and I applaud your use of imagery. I love the lines, "while brief remissions trap her in a vacuum/ craving her smoothness while devouring time." This image speaks volumes and is very powerful its its message. The only suggestions I would make is to consider dropping the word "the" in the first line of the poem. To me this word is extraneous and the poem would open more powerfully without it. Also, The last stanza which I also like on its own, seems too short in comparison with the rest of the poem. Even though I know that is probably the point, it still seems too sudden of a change for me. Overall, very nice work. Thank you for sharing!
Laura
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