This is truly excellent work. The story is very real and the language used gives the reader a very good image of what's happening. It is very elegantly written and there was surely careful thought behind each word.
One thing I would suggest however, I noticed a lot of your paragraphs tend to be the same size. To some readers, no matter the quality of the work, this can bore them. For example, in the beginning there are a few paragraphs where the narrator is recalling their mother (I would paste them here to show you what I mean, but my computer is being disagreeable with me). Both pertain to the same subject, the mother, so they could be put together as one paragraph. Also, you could add details to other paragraphs to lengthen them and add variety to your paragraph length. This sort variety is appreciated by readers and makes the text interesting. Purely a suggestion, do what you will. :)
Again, I can't express how much I loved this story. Thank you for posting it. :)
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 12:30am on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX2.